Originally Posted by
David House
I wholly agree with the sentiment of not helping too much early on. It definately builds up expectations. The problem is that many Filipinos have little sense of tomorrow, nor much business sense. Anyone newly into a relationship and contemplating how to "help" will do well to heed all this advice. I have made many mistakes and was far to generous to begin with, motivated by good intentions that ultimately did them no favours. I bought "the family" two houses, two jeeps, a workshop and a sari sari store. Well actually I loaned my wife the money to do it, the deal being that she would pay it back from her earnings over the years, but that I would finance it now rather than make them wait as her parents are getting old. The idea was to set them up, and then make them self sufficient by giving them all enough work. Then we could relax, live our lives and visit without pressure. Fat chance! Every time there is a problem, big or small, it arrives at our door. The businesses have all failed. the jeeps are on standby and only used as "service" for the family because they did not save to renew the licences, the workshop has closed because one of the brothers sold all the equipment and so has the store because they ate all the stock. No planning at all, no saving for tomorrow. Whenever anything is needed we get a text. It seems we have supported not only the direct family but the whole extended family, whose numbers must run into hundreds. Add to them the local church who sponge of them whenever they can and the parents mentality of sharing "blessings" and it becomes easier to see why it has happened. My wife is now married to a rich white guy and it is her duty just to give whenever they ask. We have held many family meetings when I have explained what I have done, why and what I expect from them. They all say OK and when we have gone nothing changes. We have tried not sending money, but they just build up debts with us as their only way to clear them. We are making some slow progress now and in the future, when we live partly in Cebu ( we chose Cebu over Bohol where the family live deliberately to be close enough to visit but not right on top) my wife will take over the management of each business and control what is done. It is a constant fight because they lack a manager and are always having petty disputes. With hindsight I may have been better providing several nippa huts, rather than the two houses we bought (one brand new and costing several million) and putting the balance on deposit in the Philippines, probably in one of the high yielding rural bank deposit schemes. Then they could be given the interest each month to live on. I have heard similar stories to mine often enough to know this is not an uncommon problem so pleased be warned.
And I think I've got a good business mind; It's a shame that my family doesn't
or they would have been a lot better off now!
