help! soemthing bothers me

[blackpearl]

hello. i've got married recently and my mahal go back to UK a month after our wedding.

somethings bothering me, my mahal went back to UK and wev been apart for a few months now. just want to know something if its Brit's peoples culture to entertain friends always like inviting them over to their place for a dinner?

since im not there pa, he is lonely, and he would invite his friends/offis mate to cook and have dinner. then the following week, he will be with that friend again, and the following week again then a time in few days. this bothered me because this is not Filipino culture. or is it just im being jealous? you know girl's insticts? somtimes i will feel that something is going on. I would feel this when his girl friend (always same girl) would visit his house. is that normal there?

should i worry? I trust him, but its hard being apart. should this be jelousy? how will i deal this? like right now,we were chatting and that girl again knocked at his door and he said bye to me online. should I worry? how will I deal about this?

[maria_and_matt]

i think you should try to talk to your husband. tell him how you feel, tell him how uncomfortable you are that he is entertaining this girl in his house. but also i think you should trust him, british men in general are faithful to their wives. but to help put your mind at ease TALK TO HIM.

[andypaul]

Yeah a married man should not be entaining a woman who is not a family member if the Wife does not know her and half way round the world.

I would make sure you let him know how you feel.

Its most likely nothing is going on but both your hubby and the lady should understand how you feel and take it into consideration.

[blackpearl]

thanks maria and matt, andypaul.

i trust him but still she is a girl and though he says a friend, i would be somehow be suspicious:(

are most of the brit men faithful??? i've never been married, i had realationships before with filipinos and they were womanizers, im worried that i might experince this again since im 10000 miles from my mahal.

[trina]

hello. i've got married recently and my mahal go back to UK a month after our wedding.

somethings bothering me, my mahal went back to UK and wev been apart for a few months now. just want to know something if its Brit's peoples culture to entertain friends always like inviting them over to their place for a dinner?

since im not there pa, he is lonely, and he would invite his friends/offis mate to cook and have dinner. then the following week, he will be with that friend again, and the following week again then a time in few days. this bothered me because this is not Filipino culture. or is it just im being jealous? you know girl's insticts? somtimes i will feel that something is going on. I would feel this when his girl friend (always same girl) would visit his house. is that normal there?

should i worry? I trust him, but its hard being apart. should this be jelousy? how will i deal this? like right now,we were chatting and that girl again knocked at his door and he said bye to me online. should I worry? how will I deal about this?

hi blackpearl...

you should be alarm.... even most of the british men are faithful to their wives... the question is do you think you can trust that girl????

jealousy is part of the relationship...but for me if i really feel that there is something going on...that is true....(that is for me)...

and account to what happened to you few minutes ago... You should be really bothered...

I'm not saying this to you for you to be angry with your husband...just be WISE enough sis....

[maria_and_matt]

yes blackpearl most british men are faithful, devoted husbands. i think that if you talk to him about what you feel about this girl going to his house i think he would understand you. make it clear that you are not comfortable with him entertaining girls at his house and that you are a little jealous.

and try to speed up that visa of yours

[sweet_cookie08]

hello. i've got married recently and my mahal go back to UK a month after our wedding.

somethings bothering me, my mahal went back to UK and wev been apart for a few months now. just want to know something if its Brit's peoples culture to entertain friends always like inviting them over to their place for a dinner?

since im not there pa, he is lonely, and he would invite his friends/offis mate to cook and have dinner. then the following week, he will be with that friend again, and the following week again then a time in few days. this bothered me because this is not Filipino culture. or is it just im being jealous? you know girl's insticts? somtimes i will feel that something is going on. I would feel this when his girl friend (always same girl) would visit his house. is that normal there?

should i worry? I trust him, but its hard being apart. should this be jelousy? how will i deal this? like right now,we were chatting and that girl again knocked at his door and he said bye to me online. should I worry? how will I deal about this?

hello blackpearl!

i hope you are OK. For sure your husband loves you. I understand what you feel. But the best solution to that is go talk to your husband. If you are not comfortable in saying it, just email him. You are starting a new life with your hubby and unfortunately you are apart. Thats normal for you to be jealous, but you should not let that 'GREEN EYED monster' (jealousy) ruin your relationship with your husband specially now that you are newly married and apart. TRUST and COMMUNICATION are some of the key elements of a successful and happy marriage. You need to TRUST him, he vowed to you on your wedding right? you should take hold of that. You need to learn to communicate to your hubby everything that bothers you about your relationship, so you could resolve it together right away. If you are bothered by that girl friend of his visiting his house, say it to him, talk about it and agree on something to resolve it. I assure you, being open to him will make him love you more .

[trina]

hello blackpearl!

i hope you are OK. For sure your husband loves you. I understand what you feel. But the best solution to that is go talk to your husband. If you are not comfortable in saying it, just email him. You are starting a new life with your hubby and unfortunately you are apart. Thats normal for you to be jealous, but you should not let that 'GREEN EYED monster' (jealousy) ruin your relationship with your husband specially now that you are newly married and apart. TRUST and COMMUNICATION are some of the key elements of a successful and happy marriage. You need to TRUST him, he vowed to you on your wedding right? you should take hold of that. You need to learn to communicate to your hubby everything that bothers you about your relationship, so you could resolve it together right away. If you are bothered by that girl friend of his visiting his house, say it to him, talk about it and agree on something to resolve it. I assure you, being open to him will make him love you more .

yes i agree!!!

[telford]

Sis, talk to your husband and ask him why he always have her in his house. For me, I smell something fishy...sorry... but that's what i feel. Personally, I definitely wont allow my husband to have a female visitor without my presence.I might be strict but surely he will also not happy if I accept male visitor if he's not around.
Let's face it,why he have that same girl? and why need to say bye to you when she's there? If its just friend as in friend why will not he stay online and open his cam for you so that you can see what their doin and of course introduce you to her and his wife. Think about it gurl...

[trina]

Sis, talk to your husband and ask him why he always have her in his house. For me, I smell something fishy...sorry... but that's what i feel. Personally, I definitely wont allow my husband to have a female visitor without my presence.I might be strict but surely he will also not happy if I accept male visitor if he's not around.
Let's face it,why he have that same girl? and why need to say bye to you when she's there? If its just friend as in friend why will not he stay online and open his cam for you so that you can see what their doin and of course introduce you to her and his wife. Think about it gurl...

yes...telford you're definetly right......

If I'm to that situtation...I'll make sure that my husband will explain everything to me....and i'll ask him not to entertain that girl anymore as long as I'm not there or without my knowing....

[telford]

yes...telford you're definetly right......

If I'm to that situtation...I'll make sure that my husband will explain everything to me....and i'll ask him not to entertain that girl anymore as long as I'm not there or without my knowing....

yeah coz what if we do it while were in Philippines? will he be happy? will he be comfortable?
My husband know from the start what i am. I am a jealous kind of girl and i already talk to him what i want us to be, stay away from temptations and stay away from opposite sex. Its for our own good and for our kids anyway.

[ginapeterb]

Hello Blackpearl,

I would not worry too much, its unlikely that your British husband is going to come all that way to marry you and then as soon as he is home, start womanizing, he is probably lonely, ive known lots of British guys over time, some close friends of mine, who have endured long separations from the Filipino wife, some a year or more, they just get on with their jobs, and live with the fact they are not together at that time.

I don't think this female friend is a babae, however Andypaul is right, he should not be entertaining a woman in his house who is not his wife, and you are the wife now, its your right to make that point very clear to him.

Start as you mean to go on girl, you tell your husband, that you do not approve of him having a woman as a friend in his house for dinner or at any other time, tell him its not appropriate, no matter how innocent he tells you it is.

There is no such thing as a man who has a woman friend just platonic, best of luck, I am sure its nothing

[joebloggs]

what would your hubby think if you had a male friend coming over to your house ?

when you get to the uk, get a nasty big dog, works a treat keeping family and friends away


as for inviting friends for dinner, not many northerners do that ? do they ?? probably that posh southerner andypaul does (where me invite ??? ) most meet friends in the pub , but then i'm just average joebloggs or am i

[benb]

Hello Blackpearl,...
There is no such thing as a man who has a woman friend just platonic, best of luck, I am sure its nothing

I TOTALLY disagree!!! Including myself, I've got several other friends who have friends of the opposite sex, purely platonic! Please do not generalise.

It looks like you will have trouble trusting your wife if she wants to visit her friends.

Cheers

[Ady]

There is no such thing as a man who has a woman friend just platonic, best of luck.

That is an outrageous comment borne on low self esteem and insecurities. I am sorry.

My best friend in work, my confidant is a woman. I have no interest in her in any other sense than being a friend.

I have lots of friends that are female. Blackpearl, if you are still reading this - then please don't heed that statement. It is as incorrect as calling a dog a cat.

[Dee31]

For me, I don't think its normal to go out and eat dinner with the same friend, be it once a week or everyday even. Newly weds should be a happy couple, although you are in a sad long distance relationship, thus still its not appropriate to entertain female friends and invite her in his house.

Talk to your hubby and let him know how you feel... Healthy relationship comes from an open communication and trust. Mahirap talaga sis, but you have to be firm. How long have you known him? Does he normally likes to invite friends and cook dinner for them when he was still single? If this only happens when he gets back to uk after your wedding. Then you need to have a serious talk. Just don't fret sis, until you know his reasons. I hope you are well. God bless! x

[vbkelly]

hello. i've got married recently and my mahal go back to UK a month after our wedding.

somethings bothering me, my mahal went back to UK and wev been apart for a few months now. just want to know something if its Brit's peoples culture to entertain friends always like inviting them over to their place for a dinner?

since im not there pa, he is lonely, and he would invite his friends/offis mate to cook and have dinner. then the following week, he will be with that friend again, and the following week again then a time in few days. this bothered me because this is not Filipino culture. or is it just im being jealous? you know girl's insticts? somtimes i will feel that something is going on. I would feel this when his girl friend (always same girl) would visit his house. is that normal there?

should i worry? I trust him, but its hard being apart. should this be jelousy? how will i deal this? like right now,we were chatting and that girl again knocked at his door and he said bye to me online. should I worry? how will I deal about this?

if the girl knows his married she won't go to your hubby's house unless she's flirting with him i mean to comport him when he is lonely haha, anyway don't take it seriously what i mean is if its true ask your hubby why that girl is always there or guni-guni mo lang yun that your hubby have a girl visitor in his house.

[vbkelly]

since me and hubby found each other, i never felt jealous coz we love and trust each other since the time that he knows me he dumped his girlfriend and come to me and get married straight away.

[eljean]

before when i and me husband werent married yet...friends always come by at his house but, he never go offline the good thing is that he introduces his all friends to me and let them talk to me...i watch them play with computer and have a drink...and he always checks if im ok watching them having a laugh...and he tells me what things their talking about...well anyways, everyone is different.....

but brits do really spend time with their friends while having a drink mostly weekends...but my husband doesnt do it no more occasionally yeah...

[patti1227]

Slow down a bit. To end your agony and suspicion, you must talk to your husband and tell him how you exactly feel asap. Worrying too much won’t help you. Entertaining theoretical things will only get worse unless you make the wise decision and settle your concern at once. Hope this may help. Good luck!

[Pepe n Pilar]

You must talk to him about things that's bothering you because it may affect your relationship. Mahirap magpakaplastik. There's a saying in tagalog "ang pagiging matapat ay pagsasama ng maluwag", in order to have a comfortable relationship should always be honest with one another. I guess this thing always bothers filipinas as it's not so common with filipino guys entertaining female friends in his house without the knowledge/consent of the wife or it's very seldom for a filipino guy to be entertaining female in his house whom the wife doesn't know at all. They say it's the "culture thing", but still it fully depends on the person concerned. Why observe such a culture that is not acceptable to the bf/gf/partner/wife/husband? Yes we do have cultural differences that's obvious but when it comes to love then that is a different story. Why did he say bye to you online when the female friend went online? You should be considered more important as you are the wife. Perhaps as you've said you've just been married recently hence your husband still maintains the same friends he used to have but will soon cut the contacts with them (if he wants to)you will know anyway. I hope you get this sorted out. Good luck......

[Sconnie]

by the way im vanessa

[telford]

by the way im vanessa

hello Vanessa, nice to meet you... i dont know where i got the name Lyn..

[PeterB]

just pray and be calm!! try to tell frankly to your husband if you think that there is something wrong...don't hesitate to tell him the truth what is your feelings...

[Ady]

Firstly, I would tell him to please stop whilst you are away - and give him your reasons. Tell him it is so tough that you are far apart - and this is not helping.

However, what I would say is that I think there is nothing happening here. Why? Because, if there was - he wouldn't allow you to find out.

[aromulus]

he wouldn't allow you to find out.

Or maybe covering his bases before she does......

[trina]

Or maybe covering his bases before she does......

I AGREE!!!!!

[Ady]

Just remember - the people helping here, or causing more panic in your heart in some cases - don't know the true situation.

Talk to your husband.

Personally, in the very unlikely event that I was having an affair, there is no way that my gf based 7000 miles away would have the remotest idea of it. What would I gain from letting her know? And, if I was having an affair, why would I spend time and effort and money in getting a wife over from the Phils?

Why not tell him you are having some male colleagues or old school friends around to dinner? If he is trying to make you jealous, show how much it hurts.

[benb]

hello. i've got married recently and my mahal go back to UK a month after our wedding.

somethings bothering me, my mahal went back to UK and wev been apart for a few months now. just want to know something if its Brit's peoples culture to entertain friends always like inviting them over to their place for a dinner?

since im not there pa, he is lonely, and he would invite his friends/offis mate to cook and have dinner. then the following week, he will be with that friend again, and the following week again then a time in few days. this bothered me because this is not Filipino culture. or is it just im being jealous? you know girl's insticts? somtimes i will feel that something is going on. I would feel this when his girl friend (always same girl) would visit his house. is that normal there?

should i worry? I trust him, but its hard being apart. should this be jelousy? how will i deal this? like right now,we were chatting and that girl again knocked at his door and he said bye to me online. should I worry? how will I deal about this?

Not to worry at all!!! Its normal here especially among the professional work community based on my experience.

I've got a female friend whom I've known for over 10 years. She has got a boyfriend, but does visits me sometimes (on her own) as we have known each other even before she met her boyfriend - we went to university together. I've got several other lady friends too who do visit me from time to time. Other times, I've got my mates and collegues coming over for dinner/beer and vice versa.

This is typical for people living alone and away from parents. Also, me having a dance background means I have plenty of pretty female friends. I've had a chat with my wife (who is yet to join me), and she does get jealous easily too. But she is also very understanding.

Its all about trust and understanding cultural differences. Luckily, my wife is also into dancing!!

Cheers

[andypaul]

But surely Ben B and Ady, Blackpearls Mahal would have introduced her?

A mate has recently met a Phill lady (nothing to do with me) and he introduces her to everyone and i know im the same even if it is online or telephone.

Im sure it would reasure Black pearl rather than going off line the mintue she is there as i understand it.

The guy is speaking to his life partner not a sales person for double glazing. Any friend would understand how important the time togeter is for any loving couple is let alone those thousands of miles away.