What to do?

[Pepe n Pilar]

A filipina married to a an English guy for a year asks what to do if she read e-mails of an ex and her fiance then (now husband) about being very close friends.They got married a year ago but she just found out the emails dated months before they were married that the two planned to meet up. The ex gf wants to but she prefers meeting up outside bec she is so eager to see him for they didn't see each other for quite sometime for they broke up 4 yrs ago.

The guy said in the email she is welcome to his house whenever she is free. The girl said she doesn't want to go to his house since she knew abt the present gf and she already knew he is going to be married soon. The girl said she doesn't want to be at the back of someone else relationship. So the girl invited the guy for a date but the guy said he has an appt already booked and said his gf doesn't want him to be communicating with his ex's. He said he is sure they will meet up one day. Then the ex replied to him that she changed her plans. The guy was surprised.The ex said she is just so eager to see him again.

NOw that the guy is married, the guy visits the Phils often and then comes back to the UK for his work. They are sorting out documents so the wife willl stay with him here. While the husband is in the UK the wife checked again the emails and she sent the girl a message that she doesn't want her husband to be communicating with ex's then the girl replied "Does he know about this e-mail"? The wife now asks, what to do. If she replies the husband knows (which she hasn't told him yet abt her findings)is this a good idea? or if she said no, the ex might contact the husband by text and she will be happy the couple's relationships will be affected. Or if she said yes and the husband still e-mail the ex she will know the truth because of him sending friendly emails again. Because if he was told by his wife about the emails surely he will now stop. She plans of telling her husband abt this but how? She can't tell him that she read the e-mails which was dated long before they got married and so that is considered past.

What she is worried is what if it still continue? She doesn't see her husband often and being away from each other they might find a way to meet up?. She said after their marriage she didn't find any e-mails of them anymore but she doesn't look at his text messages.

[GaryFifer]

Ex is past, you are right.The marriage will be affected.He must stop this nonsense and stop trying to grab old feelings. Ex is an ex for a reason. He is probably fremembering all the things they liked and enjoyed together.And he misses that.
Instead of doing that, he should be talking to his current partner about everything.

[Pepe n Pilar]

Yea for me past is past. I agree with you gary but still the friendships with the ex's depends on how close they are. Some say it's because of cultural differences that some foreigners don't give much weight on jealousy which filipinos do. That's why it's ok being friends with the ex's. The filipina wife said it is not all jealousy she just want her husband to respect her presence in his life. So she wants to concentrate on their married life rather contacting the ex's. For me may it be white, brown, green, blue or yellow race or whatever you may call them still they feel the same when it comes to relationships. They all feel being hurt.

[keithAngel]

A thorny problem my own experience is that my g/f doesnt like that i am still friends with my ex wife

We went through the anger stuff together and years on are good friends

I get the impression that culturaly i should now be her enemy and the result is I dont bring her or any contact into the relationship with my g/f as this becomes a recipe for jealousy

Im not suggesting this is the same situation but it may be that in some cases filopinos perhaps feel insecure and that is a recipe for not having things shared that otherwise would be

Which then if discovered leads to mistrust being generated

[gemini63]

If i wr the wife, il tell my husband about it immediately rather than he will know it first from that woman.Tell the husband the real feelings why hv done it and just want it to be stopped.In that point also u will know wr the wife stands based on what reaction he may have wn telling him about it.If the wife feels that she is the priority than that woman,stop feeling insecure and getting jelous.Just trust ur husband as long as u dont caught him in action...Just made urself good, trust and believe urself to take out insecurity.Coz sometimes insecurity is the cause if jelousy.