My bf has body odor

[traveller]

Hi all i just wanna get off my chest once and for all...my bf whom i known from the internet has this terrible body odor that u can smell even if you are a feet away. at first i thought that i was just being too sensitive but i realized that even with his colleagues (from europe and the states) they all think that he stinks and he is always the butt of their jokes, even on facebook they would comment that they could smell him from england just by looking at his picture.

at first i was ready to leave him because of that, but i fell in love with him even before we met so i think that i was able to endure all of that because i already had feelings for him. as they say "love is blind" in this case, it cant smell.

apart from that he has a very violent nature, he would strongly argue his point and insist that it is the right point of view...as a consequence of which he is ostracized from his group...before i met him and before i was able to see him with his "classmates" i thought that he was well liked...it turns out that they all laugh at him and not think highly of him not only because he smells but also because of his bad attitude. he is stereotypically what they depict in movies as a loser, he is 23 and he is already balding plus, he always wears the same clothes and not wash them every so often

i accepted him despite all of those flaws given the body odor and the antisocial behavior he has...BUT

what i cannot accept is despite the relationship we have...he still has the time to talk/flirt with girls on myspace, facebook, yahoo chat whenever i am not around...i accept that tooo

but i found out that he even opened an account in okcupid and in this russian mail order bride site!!!!! oh god that is too much

i have told him that if he wants to be with other people and prefer their company dont do it behind my back ...

he is so deceptive...and considering that he flourishes in the internet because unlike in real life...you have to talk not type and people can actually smell and see him!

how could he be so mean to me...i gave him a chance before to stop doing these things behind my back...when i visited him in his place...he was hiding the myspace IM messenger that he has downloaded in his laptop by covering it with his back and talking to me as a way of distraction

cmon i am not so stupid...i wanted to cry there and then

also its not so much the fact that he talks or flirts with these girls but how could i be with someone who always chats in the internet almost all the time...instead of making use of his time for productive things like
searching for a part time job!!!

the only probable reason why i stick with him because he is good in one thing and that is in matters of the bed but i think i could only say that because i dont really have a point of comparison.

[traveller]

btw my bf is british and yes, i have taught him to use the deodorant even to the extent of buying antiseptic wash for him

[Alan]

Errr! Sorry to put it like this but............GET RID!!

Al.

[walesrob]

Teach is right. There's much nicer guys out there.

[Geraldine]

Im surprised that you are still with him...oh right bec he is good in bed? Hhmmmm

Seriously if I were in your place, Have a serious talk and give him one more chance then that's it. Apart from poor hygiene...I can not tolerate men who cheats!

What bothers you most? him being smelly or for being a flirt?

[KeithD]

Poor guy............by the description you'd think he was a Manc

[traveller]

Im surprised that you are still with him...oh right bec he is good in bed? Hhmmmm

Seriously if I were in your place, Have a serious talk and give him one more chance then that's it. Apart from poor hygiene...I can not tolerate men who cheats!

What bothers you most? him being smelly or for being a flirt?

yea because he is good in bed in the sense that he hasnt slept with a lot of girls (because no one was willing) im kind of the jealous type so thats my definition of good

[LEAHnew]

I'm sorry to hear your sentiments sis
Don't be blind sis, I guess its not more on his smellit's his attitude
As the old saying "There's alot of fish in the ocean"
but don't catch Dyesebel...opppss..got to go..gonna watch na

cheers

[Alan]

yea because he is good in bed in the sense that he hasnt slept with a lot of girls (because no one was willing) im kind of the jealous type so thats my definition of good

[GaryFifer]

Too many negative things in this relationship.Please consider your own feelings. I hear you making excuses for loving him.Loving a person you do not need to make excuses for his/her behaviour. For example you say he is violent. That concerns me.Perhaps you think its because he had bad childhood, and you want to change him or save him?
You say you accept him he is, but you obviously have not confront him about your own bad feelings on the relationship. These bad feelings will get worse, and bug you till the point you cannot take it anymore.
You can choose to be treated nice, and loved or abused and not listen to.My father has a bad attitude.It is very very difficult to live with a person like this. As they think everyone is an enemy.Trust me. This is not healthy relationship. Good in bed is the only good thing about him. My god what else?

[traveller]

Too many negative things in this relationship.Please consider your own feelings. I hear you making excuses for loving him.Loving a person you do not need to make excuses for his/her behaviour.You say you accept him he is, but you obviously have not confront him about your own bad feelings on the relationship. These bad feelings will get worse, and bug you till the point you cannot take it anymore.
You can choose to be treated nice, and loved or abused and not listen to.My father has a bad attitude.It is very very difficult to live with a person like this. As they think everyone is an enemy.Trust me. This is not healthy relationship.

well yea he has a bad attitude but i was thinking... what if hes just misunderstood...im scared of letting him go and finding out later that hes really a nice guy and hear about him and some girl living happily ever after...
because after all I love him but being a rational person... i know the warning signs but i just dont want to regret it in the future not being with him and then ill tell myself...i shouldve just gave him a lot of chances and endured...

[nparvus1202]

very few men who are 23 that are responsible. You got the bad one. Get out while you still can.

[traveller]

btw people i realize that the rational thing to do is to leave him

everyone is telling me that. even i myself is telling myself that

so maybe if someone could suggest how to make the situation better...
because iv heard everything about the leave him option...so x that one out
seeing as i cant seem to do that...even though i tried a lot of times

[jencha8569]

bad odor is tolerable but bad attitude no no.
many good guys out there much better in
bed than him..lol
if you can love him as a person not because
he is good in bed then go go go but if its the only
thing that keeps you sticking with him then
try to think much of the relationship is going.
love or leave him

[traveller]

bad odor is tolerable but bad attitude no no.
many good guys out there much better in
bed than him..lol
if you can love him as a person not because
he is good in bed then go go go but if its the only
thing that keeps you sticking with him then
try to think much of the relationship is going.
love or leave him

when i mean though good in bed...i say that...because he was my first and he said im his first too...its believable...because like i said...he is ostracized, doesnt have friends in real life etc...

[GaryFifer]

You want to take this little spoiled boy under your wing and mother him?he is supposed to be your bf, not your son.I sense you would end up cleaning after his fights and failures, or perhaps you want to change him his whole life. Good luck with that. Its your life.

[traveller]

i dont know whats going on with me...but even if he is a violent person i still love him...i mean he pushed me and hit me in the stomach...because i was going out with my friends...he said that i betray him because i am friends with people who hates him...but seriously i dont know anyone who doesnt

[jencha8569]

very common for a filipina sticking to bfs
who was their first but if you no longer
happy or too much for you then you should
think for yourself. think what u really want
and need in a man/relationship. if you have
doubts with him which is totally obvious
then try to go on life without him, go out
with friends, sports, anything that will
divert ur attention from him. then slowly you
will see what really makes you happy
with or w/out him.

[GaryFifer]

Okay NO MAN has a right to hit you. He is coward and bully. Leave him now. please

[traveller]

You want to take this little spoiled boy under your wing and mother him?he is supposed to be your bf, not your son.I sense you would end up cleaning after his fights and failures, or perhaps you want to change him his whole life. Good luck with that. Its your life.

maybe its because i grew up in a family where there isnt much conflict...also as for the hitting/violence...i grew up with brothers...so we also get into fist fights so i dont know if that has numbed me because i have gotten much worse from my brothers/dad.

[traveller]

very common for a filipina sticking to bfs
who was their first .

well glad to know im not alone in this
i call it a sort of "imprinting"
its left a mark on me
and its hard to get away
because of all the history
iv known him since i was 19
so its 4 yrs

[GaryFifer]

Being hit by someone you love is the worst betrayal. It messes your mind up.You know right from wrong.Would you wish that for your son or daughter?

[traveller]

anyway im confused...im just so confused...i wish ill find a guy who is like him in most ways except his bad attitude

[Alan]

i dont know whats going on with me...but even if he is a violent person i still love him...i mean he pushed me and hit me in the stomach...because i was going out with my friends...he said that i betray him because i am friends with people who hates him...but seriously i dont know anyone who doesnt

Now that I have read this I say - LEAVE HIM STRAIGHT AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No gentleman hits a lady - EVERYONE on this forum will agree with this post!

Al.

[GaryFifer]

be friend with guy and develop relationship from there.It will come to you in time.You sound like you deserve happiness.

[traveller]

also...i would like to say that he has converted me to atheism. but i still pray (because thats all that i can do now...since hes in uk) that he will change...

right now...i told him that i havent been feeling well so i dont speak to him on YM anymore because i want him to feel my absence and reflect and maybe change

but it seems that even if i tell him im dying already he wouldnt change...he has no repentance

[russ01539]

OK Trav. I got a suggestion. Get a camcorder, and next time he has his bad attitude on film him, or if his attitude comes out when he is chatting then print his words. At a later date when he is calm and in a good moood show him the film, or words he has used so he can see for himself what he is like. Show him also the jokes his so-called friends make behind his back, and then leave him on his own to think about these things. Hopefully he will see what a prat he is being and change his ways. At least he is only 23 and is still young enough to see his errors and change.

Now regarding the body odour issue, this can be dealt with in a fun and easy way. Drag him into the shower with you and give him a good 'going over' in every way possible. This way he will smell nice, and associate cleaning himself with positive things - if u know what I mean.

As for his flirting this is a classic sign of low self esteem. He may give an outward appearance of knowing himself, inside he is just a scared little boy who has no-one to show him the way in life. It sounds like you are not wanting to get rid, so you are going to have to take this little boy by the hand and show him how to be a man.

Good luck.

[jencha8569]

also...i would like to say that he has converted me to atheism. but i still pray (because thats all that i can do now...since hes in uk) that he will change...

right now...i told him that i havent been feeling well so i dont speak to him on YM anymore because i want him to feel my absence and reflect and maybe change

but it seems that even if i tell him im dying already he wouldnt change...he has no repentance

hes controlling you i can sense that and sad thing
is you let him do so or accept it.
its all up to you really like i said love (u not happy) or
leave(you can start all over again) him

[Geraldine]

anyway im confused...im just so confused...i wish ill find a guy who is like him in most ways except his bad attitude

Give it alot of thought...you are both still young and no need to hurry. You are not thinking of marrying him yet are you? Keep it mind if he really loves you, he wouldnt hurt you in any way.

[Alan]

Am I in a different world here? The girl has said that he hits her!!!! - And the last few posts have talked about ' a way out of the problem!!!!'

I'm sorry, but any man who hits a girl should be locked up in my opinion!!

End of story!

Al.