why i just cant change..

[sadly confuse]

i am getting worst..no matter how hard i try.. i keep looking for a job here and yet i cant manage to get it.. but i dont loose hope. i know that everyone is having hard time..but what makes me worries is my self and my relationship to my husband... yes i have a loving husaband..loving because we have a house to live, we have a food to eat, but its just not make me happy.

i miss my life of how i have freedom spending money.give money to my family and to my self and i have a savings but all of that is gone because i choose my husband. recently we go to gym. its all because of me. but the problem is i dont enjoy the gym that we joined because i dont like the facilitys its so small and there is no class like aerobics etc., and i cant take that the sauna is only one which men and girls are mixed. the gym is cheap thats why. first when we go there im very happy because i am really active person, and im glad to my husband that he thought and prooving that he thinks of me and i do wanna show him that i appreciate it so much... but on my second day, i find the gym rubbish. not what i used to be iin the past.. but i keep my mouth shut. i didnt complain because i know my husband will hurt so i really did my best to appreciate it.. i want to be a good wife to him, i clean the house, i cook, i make sandwich for him i seductive him, i massadge him,, which i love too..but to be honest, because i missed my life sometimes im not in the mood to do what i have to do for my husband..but so far and im telling the truth i always make sure that as a wife i do my dutys. and never missed it.!

its just so different the treat that i have now in my husband.its like ok we have house, we have food, thats all, i dont feel appreciated, and feel so boring..i dont know if im bored to my husband or bored to my self because i dont have my own money...... which i find it so hard...

when i was single i used to shopping 3times a week with so many bags in my hand..now i married when were outside we only window shoppings.. luckily sometimes we have one small paper bag.. i admit im not intelligent girl, but just lucky when i was single because i got always someone will support me and spoil me. but before i met my husband i still feel not contented even i haave financially stable that time because of my ex who spoil me..ok..i mentioned about my ex.yes my ex im sorry... but it felt me so bad when i missed him and how he treats me i know its not right coz im married . yes i admit..i will surely bad sounds to all you guys who now reading this..thinking that im so selfish...... and only always thinking only my self.im sorry to my self!

but what can i do.. i tried i always cried it hurts me too when i feel this way makes me feel that im wrong in my decision..i keep my self that i have a good husband and be feel lucky because hes good even hes not rich man but hes still good.

i feel so bad to my self, how can i be not so happy to him just because of the materialistic that i used to be and now its all gone and have to be hard work .. im wrong so wrong..and im being unfair to my husband. i want to think that im not bad woman. and want him to make happy but how can i do that if im not happy in my relationship. well i always ask him , he do happy but very sad when im about to get upset ..

we do have bad moments but we also do have lots of happy moments too..he loves me and i love him too.... but maybe my love for him is not enough to make me happy. im so bad girl. thinking of good things for me. im a selfish person. now i stuck of this feelings,

on the other thoughts i will not give up. ill keep on finding a job, and try not to fight to my husband.. and try to follow and more appreciate things he doing and dont think anymore and forget the life that i had because he dont deserve to be treat like this.. and besides i will just get more ugly because of always crying in my own problem attitude self.

right now id just miss my family and my cool sister. my friends. and my self!!

for you pocahontas.. thanks for the thread..sorry i only have now time to write..hope to be friend of you hm.. honestly i felt a bit easy of how i feel when i read your thread..hope you will read this too and my message for you..

were not perfect but atleast we tried..

[pennybarry]

Honestly you sounds sensible and trying to be honest.
Being yourself and telling true.
I feel how desperate you are to land a job to be independent financially like what you used to be.
How old are you? Silly question but you might not ready to marry or if you're ready, this is not the life of what you have expected.
It is too hard to adjust really and boredom is our greatest enemy.
But always think sometimes, we have many trials before we reach our goal.
We also need to think that we are the one who can help first to satisfy ourself. Be satisfied of what you have and if you still aiming for more, let there be patience perseverance. You can still find a job as you have no baby yet. You don't need to be picky. You can study, volunteer, walk alone, find friends near you.
I truly understand your independence in pinas as I used to be before and hard to ask money to anybody except from my Nanay. Thats why if hubby gives me money, I really appreciate it and he feels my happiness. But happiness from our hard earned is the sweetest. I got you there.
Please don't give up! Cheer up and smile.
Try to volunteer with pay. Try this and I will pray for your application.
http://worldofdifference.vodafone.co.uk/

Goodluck and be happy. Be honest to your hubby and share your feeling and moans.

[Tawi2]

If your in London,and I fully appreciate the economic circumstance we now find ourselves in,there are still jobs,depending upon what your looking for,I walked along a parade of shops yesterday and without even trying I saw two seperate shops advertising for part time staff,what sort of job are you looking for?

[allyn]

your lucky to have a husband like that .
i know its really quite frustrating not to get a job, not to be able to help your family or do stuff you used to do before...
but you should also think that your very fortunate to have your husband...
work will come, everything will fit in their places in due time, just have patience...

my situation is oposite with yours...but we both have same points...
i left my family to be with my husband...
but in here i have to work hard to be included, to eat, and to live...
i dont have much support from my husband and i tried to be content the idea that he loves me, and as long that small idea that he love me is there...
ill keep on working and hoping that one day he'll understand me and look after me
so be very greatfull for what you have...
just think some one is in worse situation than yours...

keep on smiling

[whiteraven]

as ive said before and i dont wish to offend but i really think you wernt ready for marriage and the commitment that goes with it. im sure there are many filipino that would gladly swap places with you, if the major thing in your life above love is shopping then im really sorry for you both. are you very young? sounds like the single life is what you miss most.

[Tawi2]

The saddest part about the post is the reference to the "Ex" if you miss him spoiling you,if your memories of him are still coated in fairy-dust and candy-floss and life was good because he "Supported and spoilt" you,why arent you still with him If I was the hubby reading this I would feel deflated,subdued,undervalued

[maria_and_matt]

hmmm all i can say is, material things do not make you happy. and from the sounds of it u seem to be looking back on what ur ex use to be like to you, you have a life now with a man that loves you, count yourself lucky. do not not look for things that arent there. i am sure your hubby is doing the best he can.

[cheesewiz]

i think you need to grow up. Forget the past. Nasa huli ang pagsisisi!!!

[sparky]

immature selfish spoilt brat springs to mind

sorry if that sounds harsh but it was my initial thoughts when i read the post

[beppe]

who told you life is easy, you seem immature more than anything else.

[liane]

I think you are missing the lifestyle you used to have. Money or material things should not be the center of your relationship because happiness is not based on these. You should be thankful of what you have and indeed you are lucky to have a good husband.
I guess you are going through self pity- you don't have work, can't send money to family, can't go shopping like you used to, these are some signs of it. I advise try to control this emotion, it's no good.
Give yourself some time. True happiness comes from simple things.
One piece of advise don't compare your ex to your husband. It's just not fair having the material things he provided you as the basis of your comparison.
I hope you could have some time to reflect on this matter.

[KeithD]

Did you think marriage in the UK was like some Hollywood dream?

For a start the UK is the No.1 in Debt country in the world, people in Darfur are technically better off than us

All you seem to be missing is shopping and friends. If you put some effort into it, you can easily have them here.

[pocahontas]

i am getting worst..no matter how hard i try.. i keep looking for a job here and yet i cant manage to get it.. but i dont loose hope. i know that everyone is having hard time..but what makes me worries is my self and my relationship to my husband.....

GOODMORNING SC how are you today? have you read our all answers to you here. sorry in some comment that might hurt your feelings. but thats true right. i know you do. but im not blaming you of how you feel as i felt that too. me ive never been independent of my own hard work money. what a coincidence of our life together...... before i met my husband too im just a lucky girl who have money and no need to work hard. i thought my saving would be enough to start a family of my own. i was in japan and i can say that i have a good life though theres a big missing in my life.....and that is having my own family. and my hubby make that dream come true..

to make this short... whatever your decision its your decision.. life is too short to waist into things that not really matters.. YOU NEED TO DO VERY HARDDDDD and dont worry if you feel hard now you will be reward on that hard work. dont expect us to hear what you wanna hear, because we want you to help in your self pitty. for a change.. how about write here in forum what did you do today even its happy or bad small things.. anything not only badfeelings..you said right that you also had a great time together with your hubby so why not right that here too..

hope that you write us soon ok.. i salute you of being honest and i know you just want somebody to WAKE YOU UPPPPP

HAVE A GREAT DAY.. YOUR FRIEND POCA

[sweetmanning]

hi sandly confuse!

We are missing the life we used to have back in the phils specially when u have work and all the material things we wanted in life we can easily get it.But u can get it here too =)...just wait patiently....dont u think we are lucky because we have a supportive husband? who loves us dearly...they might not be rich but we are lucky to have them..just a little adjustment sweety..it takes time..just like u im in london and looking for a job now.im pretty sure and very positive we will be able to land a job..though not the one we expected but still we are working and will boost our self esteem.. we will surely get a job because we are filipina and very competitive.arent we??hehehe...be POSITIVE AND GAIN FRIENDS! i just arrived here oct 18 met filipinos like me..life is beautiful so dont make it complicated.=)

miss mo lang may ka chika na pinoy! dedma sa boredom lipas din yan...lol

smile and keep in touch!! godbless!

sweet

[Florge]

hhmm...you should've thought of this before you got married... why did i say that? well, if the shopping is what keeps you happy, then you shoud've married a rich man... and since your hubby is not, then deal with it.. stop whinning and just accept the consequence of your decision like all mature people would do...

a lot of pinays here gave up their lives in the philippines.. and the operative word is "gave up".. so then, we have chosen to live another life and that is with our husbands... my fiancee is not rich and he can't give me a luxurious life and i am most aware of it.. so, why would i complain about not having an armful of shopping bags?

SC, this is the kind of life you chose... from the words i read, you already know what to do with things... you just have to start dealing with it...

and if you can't... pack up and leave...

[adam&chryss]

i understand how you feel.. coz there are times that i feel the same way too in regards of not having your own money. just keep trying looking for a job. as for me i can't find a job coz i have 2 kids to look after. by the time that my youngest is attending school then i might be lucky to work again and have my own money. my husband is not rich but he does everything he can to give me and my kids the material things we need which that's just an extra pogi points of him. he's not a perfect husband but the effort he does for us to be happy is better than being perfect.

but in regards to your ex... forget about that there's a reason why you're not with him now. i'm sure if you were with your ex you will be more confused and sad bec. all he can give you is material things but not the love you can get from your husband.

be thankful of what you have.. there are thousands or millions of women that will exchange their life with you. what i'm saying is there are alot of women out there that are far more unlucky than you and far more have bigger problems than you.. as in BIGGER!

goodluck to your job hunting!

[Ana_may365]

all i can say is....UR SELFISH[sorry if i only telling the truth]WAKE UP!

[Queenbee]

hhmm...you should've thought of this before you got married... why did i say that? well, if the shopping is what keeps you happy, then you shoud've married a rich man... and since your hubby is not, then deal with it.. stop whinning and just accept the consequence of your decision like all mature people would do...

a lot of pinays here gave up their lives in the philippines.. and the operative word is "gave up".. so then, we have chosen to live another life and that is with our husbands... my fiancee is not rich and he can't give me a luxurious life and i am most aware of it.. so, why would i complain about not having an armful of shopping bags?

SC, this is the kind of life you chose... from the words i read, you already know what to do with things... you just have to start dealing with it...

and if you can't... pack up and leave...

i totally agree,,Somehow we jst need to grow up...Money isnt like water ma dear..Gotta work hard for it and just imagine yourself spending money shopping and all using yah man's salary=his hard earned money...The situation you have right now ,no one can help you except yourself...

Just try figuring out why you cant get a job?One must kno that even graduates there in the UK cnt even get a job easily...Its a tough competition so in order to stand out,Learn as much as you can and present a pleasing personality,,Go to school or whatsoever...

Im an only daughter and been pampered ma whole life by my parents and people around me but when i had ma kid,i realized what's more impt in life and being RESPONSIBLE..To think of others before myself...And most of all to not aste ma time worrying and whinning and jst DO SOMETHING about it and not wait for other people to do it for you,,,

Just pray always and remeber LIfe has to go on...

[Sophie]

Hi Sadly Confused, i know you're trying your best now but you have to try harder to work on yourself and your mindset.....
Focus on how good of a man your husband is, rather than what he is not and count your blessings and not what you don't have.....
Be happy with little things, if you are not happy with small things, you will never be happy with bigger things....
Like him signing you up for the gym, you should be happy for that instead of looking at how bad the gym is,
how it sucks and how it lacks all the amenities you were used to back home....
Its all about contentment and making do of what you have and being thankful about it....

Marriage is about give and take....your husband signed you up for the gym to show he thinks about you and want to do things that will make you happy....
your fair share would be, is to appreciate his effort instead of criticising how cheap and rubbish the gym he signed you up for....
I feel that whatever your husband do for you, you will never be happy,because your mind is programmed
to be always critical about everything and whatever he does, will never be good enough for you....
I understand you're trying hard to be the better and more appreciative wife, but i suggest you try harder....

And forget about your single life, you are married now and single no more,
so you can never live the single life you used to before, you have to come to terms with that....
And the worst part is comparing your husband to your ex....Your husband and ex are two different people...
you cannot expect your husband to be like your ex and you're not being fair to your husband by doing that.....
Stop focusing on what your ex have that your husband don't, and instead, think of what your husband have and what's special about him,
remind yourself of the very reason why you married him in the first place.....your ex is history and it should stay that way....

Obsessing about how you miss your single life back home and how you miss being pampered and spoiled by your ex,
this are excess baggage you should not bring into your marriage.....
If you don't reconcile that with yourself now, you will end up ruining your marriage
because the weight of your baggage will be too much to handle....both by you and by your husband....
Anyway, keep trying for a job, you will have one in time, just be patient...it will come.....

[IainBusby]

From reading both this and your earlier posting it seems to me that you have married for all of the wrong reasons. All you can do now is decide once and for all what it is you want from life and if it isn't your "very good husband" (a summary of you words) then you should stop moaning and do something about it.

You can either accept the fact that your married and accept and learn to live with all that goes with marriage, both good and bad, or you can leave him and try to make a new life for yourself that is more to your liking..... without your husband.

[September]

I really feel how you feel, but just short message, your ex has gone to your life now, so even you packed up and go back, do you think he(ex) still there and spoil you in shopping? If he (ex) still there then ......

And my advice is be honest, speak to your husband, go on moan about being bore, he marry you so for sure he will accept all that moaning from you.

All the best,

[aromulus]

speak to your husband, go on moan about being bore, he marry you so for sure he will accept all that moaning from you.
,

Don't hold your breath......

[belfast_dude]

homesickness can hurt a lot....be strong...it will get easier...

[Queenbee]

Hi Sadly Confused, i know you're trying your best now but you have to try harder to work on yourself and your mindset.....
Focus on how good of a man your husband is, rather than what he is not and count your blessings and not what you don't have.....
Be happy with little things, if you are not happy with small things, you will never be happy with bigger things....
Like him signing you up for the gym, you should be happy for that instead of looking at how bad the gym is,
how it sucks and how it lacks all the amenities you were used to back home....
Its all about contentment and making do of what you have and being thankful about it....

Marriage is about give and take....your husband signed you up for the gym to show he thinks about you and want to do things that will make you happy....
your fair share would be, is to appreciate his effort instead of criticising how cheap and rubbish the gym he signed you up for....
I feel that whatever your husband do for you, you will never be happy,because your mind is programmed
to be always critical about everything and whatever he does, will never be good enough for you....
I understand you're trying hard to be the better and more appreciative wife, but i suggest you try harder....

And forget about your single life, you are married now and single no more,
so you can never live the single life you used to before, you have to come to terms with that....
And the worst part is comparing your husband to your ex....Your husband and ex are two different people...
you cannot expect your husband to be like your ex and you're not being fair to your husband by doing that.....
Stop focusing on what your ex have that your husband don't, and instead, think of what your husband have and what's special about him,
remind yourself of the very reason why you married him in the first place.....your ex is history and it should stay that way....

Obsessing about how you miss your single life back home and how you miss being pampered and spoiled by your ex,
this are excess baggage you should not bring into your marriage.....
If you don't reconcile that with yourself now, you will end up ruining your marriage
because the weight of your baggage will be too much to handle....both by you and by your husband....
Anyway, keep trying for a job, you will have one in time, just be patient...it will come.....

oh miss sexy sophie can you be ma doctor love,,You really give good advises!

[Queenbee]

There's a reason why and EX is an ex..He's the past and life must go forward...

I hope you got married for the right reasons ma dear as divorce and annulment is hell expensive,,,Plus you have to have strong grounds for that...

[KeithD]

....annulment is hell expensive,,,Plus you have to have strong grounds for that...

My wife could do that easily, put me down as a mental nutter ..... I'd have to agree

[vbkelly]

i am getting worst....

all i can say is your selfish and stupidsorry

[bornatbirth]

all i can say is your selfish and stupidsorry

come on guys,why are you being so harsh on her.

sadly confused posted to get it off her chest and get some advice from us and not to give her a hard time in our replies

apart from the culture shock and needing time to adjust to being a wife and married life and i guess arguing with your husband,makes you miss your single life back in the philipines even more?

you are in the uk and married and time to act like the wife,you have a different life than before...your stuck at home all day while your hubby is at work and your getting very bored with no one to talk to...im not surprised your mind is wondering?

my wife missed her single life and took time to adjust too,it happens to most filipinas i guess,best thing to do is talk to your husband about everything you feel,so you both can resolve many of the problems your facing

btw after reading your post you do sound like a ungrateful spoiled brat but you also say your trying hard to be a good wife.

try making friends,start posting a blog in this forum like pocahontas ,just try to be positive in your new life

so goodluck

[Arthur Little]

come on guys,why are you being so harsh on her.

I'm inclined to agree. Apart from the obvious difficulties in adjusting to the cultural changes, jobs in general here, are difficult to come by ... let alone work in line with a person's skills and/or abilities.

And then again, the British weather is enough to get most folk down ... especially the dismal approach of our winter - with its long, dark nights. Has anyone considered the possibility that this young lady may well be suffering from an increasingly common form of clinical depression - which has come to be known as 'Seasonal Affective Disorder' [SAD] - for instance?

So, let's all rally round, and give her as much support as we can offer ...

[vbkelly]

come on guys,why are you being so harsh on her.

sadly confused posted to get it off her chest and get some advice from us and not to give her a hard time in our replies

apart from the culture shock and needing time to adjust to being a wife and married life and i guess arguing with your husband,makes you miss your single life back in the philipines even more?

you are in the uk and married and time to act like the wife,you have a different life than before...your stuck at home all day while your hubby is at work and your getting very bored with no one to talk to...im not surprised your mind is wondering?

my wife missed her single life and took time to adjust too,it happens to most filipinas i guess,best thing to do is talk to your husband about everything you feel,so you both can resolve many of the problems your facing

btw after reading your post you do sound like a ungrateful spoiled brat but you also say your trying hard to be a good wife.

try making friends,start posting a blog in this forum like pocahontas ,just try to be positive in your new life

so goodluck

i just can't believed she's doing that behind her husband if she's getting bored and insane of her life here in uk, why she don't talk and open that to her husband instead of keeping to herself so she can have a peace of mind and her husband will help her to keep out of that situation. of course everybody does missed our filipino way of life.