Beginning to ask myself...

[kencornish]

I s'pose it's a fair chance that, after introducing oneself, a first post is likely to be a story. I just hope that mine doesn't turn out like the tale by "nomorericepleas", as my lady is also from Calbayog City. Anyway, here goes... so please bear with me for a brief history and, more importantly, my current concern.

I joined a Filipina dating site for free on 08 July 2007. On 28 July I got a short but well written note from Mxxxxxx. My upgrade was paid within a week or so of joining so I could read and write messages. I read Mxxxxx's note, checked her profile and BAM... magnetic attraction, so I wrote back. We each have been married over 20yrs, with me divorced for as long, and M had been abandoned over 4yrs at that time, after suffering abuse. She used her real name as ID and for eMail, which she gave me in her first message, so I felt she was being open about herself and we started to exchange eMails, then chat in YahooIM.

Within a few weeks we each felt there was a real chance for us to "make a go" of a new life for us both. Arrangements were made for her to take time from work so we could meet, which we did when I flew to Mactan last October. A situation had arisen at her place of work in which she was indirectly involved as a go-between, and both sides of the dispute took no heed of her absence. Her mobile was alive with texts from both parties, also calls from her estranged hubby, so you can imagine our first time together was not all roses. But we made the best of it.

M met me alone at the airport and we took a hotel in Cebu where we behaved as you might expect a magnetically attracted couple to behave. After 3 days we went to Leyte and stayed in a Tacloban lodge for 3 days before going to Manila, Baguio, then back to Manila for 3 days in another hotel. In Baguio I became ill with "Gloria's revenge" and, due to the incessant mobile and her crazy estranged husband, I made the mistake of arranging an early flight home. I say "mistake" cos my guts settled and our last 3 days in Manila were much better.

Things didn't seem quite the same after our visit and through to early New Year. Then, right through to April, the ride was often bumpy. At the end of April I'd had enough uncertainty and told her I was out of it. For 2 months M left offline messages for me in Yahoo at intervals of up to 12 days. Trivial stuff which I ignored when I found them. No eMails, just YahooIM which I was not using each day as I had done before. And this was the woman who'd decided I was to be her new husband, yet chose to write and chat with another UK guy in preference to me cos he was more "understanding".

I later wrote to the guy who said that M and I should sort things out and that he had visited Phils in November cos he had many friends there. That seemed to fit with things changing after my own visit but, even so, at the end of June I chose to respond to M's latest YahooIM and we got back on track. So much so that we both said we had taken time to think and decided that it was time to kick the annulment process in action for her. Needless to say who paid the 60,000php attorney fees but I was more than happy to do so. She says that the other UK guy has stopped writing and he's not ready for a relationship; also, if he were, she says that he would not choose her.

We are now in month 14 of our relationship and at no time has M actually asked me for money until this last month. Within 3 weeks of our first contact her brother died and I had no hesitation in sending the relatively small amount necessary to assist in his "laying to rest". M said I had no obligation but I'd fallen for her "big time" and, despite those who think they know about all Pinas being the same, I defended her and sent the money. All Pinas are NOT the same, just like ALL of ANY race are not all the same... and I have defended my girl through thick and thin.

Some might play "the oldest trick in the book" but I never doubted her about her brother's demise. Last month I asked M about it and she, quite rightly, hit the roof to think I accuse her of being a con artist, thief, and liar. I explained that I wanted proof to try and convince my family members who all think I'm crazy to want her and her kids. But I also wanted to write a letter of support for her Fiancee visa application and hoped that such statements might be considered favourably as evidence by ECOs as to the nature of our relationship. She obtained a copy of the death certificate and I have the image as expected.

Aside from attorney fees I've sent a number of money gifts when I've been aware there's a need, and some when there's been no need apparent. I am by no means wealthy but one occasion she had borrowed a sum of money to make a birthday party for her daughter. She didn't ask for anything but little did she know that I had already decided it was time to send some support. So I said nothing and sent the larger sum I already intended. That very day she received a demand for arrears of rent on her plot, and the sum I sent covered both rent (of which I was not aware) and the money borrowed for the birthday. Such things have happened so many times that it's as if we communicate telepathically.

That was as short as I could make it... sorry. Now for my current quandry, and I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. Maybe my crystal ball has become cloudy.

Initially, her ex had agreed to co-operate with the annulment and was happy to soon be free... so he should be, at no personal cost... to go start afresh with his new girl and their new child. Now he becomes awkward, disinterested, and unco-operative, as well as witholding financial support which he is supposed to do by "law". Need I say more?

Saturday night I sent a loving cell text for Good Luck in things she must do on Monday, and hoped for a similar loving text in return. The loving reply woke me up (maybe in more ways than one) and told how her salary had been used up on a number of things and how she needs help. I have no doubt of that, and she didn't ask a specific amount. She knows my financial state, so I replied that I do not have her salary to send. She came back with "a small amount will help".

Under other circumstances I would do what I can to send cash as support, but I feel caught between moral obligation (as I see it) and common sense.

Recent letters I've sent in eMail have not been responded where response to questions would be appropriate, in spite of reminders that these are necessary as evidence for visa application.

And lately she started using SMS after Yahoo chat cos she has no home Internet. I understand that's a good move for less cost for her, but she said I could leave text messages in YahooIM to save me money also. This I have done and she says she doesn't see my messages. Now... maybe I'm thick, but the Yahoo text box allows me to send one message, telling me she will receive the message on a mobile device, but no more can be sent until she responds. I have her current SIM in Yahoo but have never received a response and I feel the SMS was initiated for more reason that just economic.

Also, on Friday there was a long gap before she responded my first chat text in response to her earlier message, even after I buzzed her PC.. I had come on late and saw that she was still there. Later in the day, instinct and intuition caused me to check the dating site and it showed her profile was accessed that day. Same thing in the dating site when things didn't feel right on Aug 19th, but she said it was her daughter in there cos her daughter setup the dating account for M in order for M to find happiness.

On a recent occasion I sent her proceeds of goods I had sold to get funds for myself. I received a Thank You text in my mobile, and a request for more money. When I asked about that she said it was her daughter who sent the text. Despite my requests that her kids don't use her ID for eMail, YahooIM, dating site, and even her cellphone, it seems she's either not bothered, not interested, or has no regard for privacy. I've also received eMail invites to other dating sites, sent as if in her name, of which she denies all knowledge or says it was her daughter. When I raise the question of why she shares her ID with her kids she says I make a fuss over nothng.

That's about it, folks, and I know there's only one person can decide what to do. I've devoted the last 14 months to a woman I've wanted more than anything, and living, breathing, working to try and make this happen for us on the basis that we are somehow destined to be together.

This is only half a story and we both say we Love each other and will make it work. Our individual 20yr histories, and the pain of another loss not being an experience either of us wants, could well make that true. But it raises the question of Love. Some say that where there is Real Love there will be trust and no doubt. Makes me wonder if that remains valid when parties are separated by 7,000 miles of ocean with the erratic power supply of Western Samar providing, or not, communication, to often raise questions in even the most determined minds.

Thanks for reading and, in advance, for any comments that might be forthcoming.

Ken

PS - Since preparing this screed in Notepad, I have sent a small sum to get her out of a hole if she is, in fact, desperate right now.

[joebloggs]

it doesn't look good ken, you asked for her brothers death cert, did you ever see her marriage cert or evidence of her seeking an annulment ?

i take it when she gets her annulment you will both get married ?

opps made a mistake ! pc had a fit ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

[jbt]

hi ken,

long distance relationship is really, really hard but as long as both of you are really determined to make the relationship work, theres a big chance of a happy ending.

You seem to be a nice person, i just hope your girlfriend truly loves you and heres wishing that her annulment will be a success, so you can both move forward to the next step...

Goodluck :Hellooo:

[aromulus]

I don't feel too confortable with this......:NoNo:

Instead of sending more money, I would take a trip overthere for a quick look, unannounced......:rolleyes:

And then spring the surprise....:xxgrinning--00xx3:

Or dump her now. It may have not started as a scam, but by now it has become one.

Only a couple of pennies worth...

[telford]

watch out for there are lots of scammers online... there's lots of nice filipina out there but there's also loads of hookers...
I fall in love with my husband even no money involved in our relationship, I am not a rich kid but I have my pride not to accept money from anyone especially for my boyfriend. I apply for my visa and travel to the UK without asking any financial help from him. So I guess, it's a shame for a woman to keep on asking help to her bf especially if it's money involve.

[Mrs Daddy]

yep,read your lovelife story ken and sad to say am aggreeing with my mates here.you have to think about it first before commiting yourself to her.its a big big decision and you have to be sure or else you end up regretting it.

[vbkelly]

how old her daughter why they are sharing the ID of the dating sites,we don't know she's still looking for a man but she told you it was her daughter and she said it was her daughter text you to asked you a money all reason she haves is her daughter,it is really suspicious hmmmmm i hate scammer.

[kencornish]

Thanks for the comments, and Thanks to jbt for your remarks. I agree that there seems to be valid cause for concern. My own comments below will show how I've thought this through and can see there could be genuine explanations for some concerns.

Before I even went to visit I was aware of all the negatives and warnings about popular scams, and I'm still getting it from all quarters. I also know how the personality can change in some people after they get what they set out to get. Same thing can happen in reverse, with the Pina being the victim, and such has happened to many a girl whose man turned out to be a pig.

Yes, joebloggs, I've seen certified copies of marriage cert, birth cert, and Affidavit for reversion to maiden name for passport, in view of Annulment being commenced. Have also received copy of the Annulment Petition from attorney and satisfied myself that there is such an attorney. The Petition contains police reports and hospital reports regarding her ex's physical abuse on her and an adopted son, so I'm satisfied about the truth of what she says happened.

Our goal was to bring M to UK and get married, although she seems to have a good business head and would be happy for me to go live with her there. But her ex is a complete nutter with friends in official places. He knew, before it was served, about a restraining order M had lodged against him. He also knew and turned ugly when she started the Petition, even though he'd agreed to co-operate. The guy has held a gun to her head and, as much as I felt emotionally drawn into Phils, that feels just a tad too risky to me... for both of us.

I guess we all know how easy it is to send eMail with our sender address as anything we choose it to be, and I could go to any old dating site and open a free account in her name, with mugshot and whatever details and text I choose to put in there... providing she doesn't have an account with that site.

As for SMS... I'm no techy and neither is she. Her son setup the SMS for her and maybe her SMS might not have International cover, something I failed to setup for my mobile before going to Phils, but it's still a niggle and a grey area.

Recent eMail letters awaiting response are also a niggle but haven't been ignored... it's just that she responds in chat... and continuity in letters would be better evidence. I've saved all chat sessions from Day01 and eMails also, but I've read comments on how chat transcripts are not as crucial as letters or eMails.

That all reads like I'm trying to justify everything in her favour, and I guess I am, but I have deep feelings for M and shall continue to feel for her whatever happens. There'll be no animosity on my part over the money. M needs it more than me and I shall replace it in the same way that M brought me back to life and showed me that I can love again. For me that's a good deal at not too high a price.

However, the money sent last night will probably be the last as I shall set aside the relationship in favour of work and a clear mind and see what happens. If she fades into the woodwork, I guess that could be the answer to everything. Worse than losing her will be me looking like a jackass in the eyes of those who know me personally, and who will very likely not be too slow in saying "Told you so". But I'm ready for that, and such is always the attitude of family and friends who are too scared to try and better themselves in any way.

Thanks again for the comments. At time of writing, the cash has not yet been collected, but it's Fiesta in Catbalogan and M is engaged in that.

Ken

[Geraldine]

Hi faralorbes & telford, I admire ladies like you, I myself doesnt ask money from my husband...if I want to go shopping, I use my own money...I work so I can buy myself silly things...I prefer to pay my own airfare if we go on holidays bec hubby pays for the kids, accommodation and other expense, so fair enough if i do my share.

Hi Ken, I dont know what her intentions are but I hope her feelings for you is for real....see if she will change if you stop sending her money anyway if you havent met her Im sure she can sort herself out.

[kencornish]

Hi faralorbes & telford, I admire ladies like you, I myself doesnt ask money from my husband...if I want to go shopping, I use my own money...I work so I can buy myself silly things...I prefer to pay my own airfare if we go on holidays bec hubby pays for the kids, accommodation and other expense, so fair enough if i do my share.

Hi Ken, I dont know what her intentions are but I hope her feelings for you is for real....see if she will change if you stop sending her money anyway if you havent met her Im sure she can sort herself out.

Thanks, Geraldine, M and I met in Cebu last October. I admire also ladies like yourself, those you mention, and all others who act likewise.

I only found out about the adopted son when a child's name I didn't recognise was in Petition.

Latest talk has been for M to file criminal proceedings against her ex for the assaults. I believe this had been done before with no result for M, but the judge was a crooked mate of her ex and was murdered about the time the case was dealt with. Needless to say there would be money required for such a case to be made.

On reflection... for someone who claimed to have little knowledge of Cebu, she seemed to know her way around and was always chatty with the cabbies. Also, there was something about the hotel we had in Manila that made me laugh and, believe it or not, I'm still laughing as I write this... cos I know what you're going to say.

The room was excellent with all services. There was a full mirrored wall alongside the bed. On the back of the door there was a tariff of room charges, with various charges depending on length of occupation. I pointed this out to M and remarked about it being an obvious "knocking shop" as the room could be taken for very short periods, as little as 2 or 4hrs if I recall. She made no comment.

If my reference to the nature of the room, or reference in the next para, contravene terms of posting, then I accept that, with apologies, and I'm happy for Mod to amend appropriately. Thanks.

Next day she left the room to go to shops for loads and reception phoned me to ask if it was Ok for her to go out. :yikes: Nuff said. Maybe we are now underground porn stars and I don't know it?
And maybe... :NoNo: ... best not go there, eh?

A few weeks ago, before joining this board, I sent an eMail to Pete, ginapeterb, and I'm indebted for the good advice he gave in response, also the views and opinions of many others on these forums. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but so is the ability to accept personal responsibility for our actions. That's why I can accept the fact that, at my age, having lived for 13yrs without an emotional partner caused me to act too quickly in this relationship, didn't get all the necessary advice and correct info before getting in too deep, and left it far too late for joining this board.

Whether or not I continue with Phils remains to be seen, but if I do then it seems like Pete's suggestion to consider a single lady or a widow lady of suitable age with no complications, no kids, adult kids, or just one or two youngsters might be a far easier path to tread... carefully. Cebu or Leyte seem like a better bet than Samar too. Time will tell.

Suddenly, the thought of being on my own with a clear mind doesn't seem such a bad idea. Allow time for emotions to stabilise and the dust to settle.

Ken

[maria_and_matt]

hi ken, relationships like this is hard, but being a filipina myself i would never ever dream of asking any kind of monetary support from a bf. she has in the past managed without you so why start relying on you now. i can tell you are a very decent guy, i think you deserve better. goodluck to you ken hope things work out for you. godbless!

[Scouse]

Hi Ken

Good luck with whatever decision you make, but be careful. It is easy to think everything is as it seems when you want it to. You need to think carefully about what you are going to do.

It may be betterto leave things for a while and then think about it with a clear head, but at the end of the day it has to be your decision.

I guess I am fortunate as I met my wife here in the UK so disdn't have any of the problems you mention.

Have a look at some other posts and websites, there are some real horror stories but there are also some womderful stories.

As I say just be vareful and think clearly.

[keithAngel]

Off to Cebu myself in two weeks if you would like to chat sms me a contact my number is now deleted

[aposhark]

Off to Cebu myself in two weeks if you would like to chat sms me a contact my number is 07891091903

keith,
Maybe an idea to buy a sim card there.
Activate roaming before you leave and then you can be texted in the UK very cheaply by your Mahal in the Phils :)

[aposhark]

Suddenly, the thought of being on my own with a clear mind doesn't seem such a bad idea. Allow time for emotions to stabilise and the dust to settle.
Ken

Ken, your story is quite complicated and, to be honest, from what you have written, it sounds suspicious to me.:rolleyes:

As many people have commented on here, go to the Philippines and see that there are certainly many lovely, friendly ladies there.

I would trust the posters on here; we look after each other with good advice and we can all get pointers for the future.

A Filipina can be the most loving and caring lady, and the quest is worth it in the end if you put effort and enthusiasm in.

Best of luck in your decision. :)

Onwards and Upwards.

[PeterB]

Whether or not I continue with Phils remains to be seen, but if I do then it seems like Pete's suggestion to consider a single lady or a widow lady of suitable age with no complications, no kids, adult kids, or just one or two youngsters might be a far easier path to tread...

Just come to Phils and find your ideal woman over here - you can find very attractive women in every village or hamlet. Those not on the net are much less likely to be scammers!

[keithAngel]

keith,
Maybe an idea to buy a sim card there.
Activate roaming before you leave and then you can be texted in the UK very cheaply by your Mahal in the Phils :)

thanks Mike ive already done that got my globe card here already to pop in when i land my uk number doesnt charge to receive texts and im taking my laptop for skype ect with me so i can keep in touch with the uk cheaply

[Geraldine]

Hi Ken,

You really sound like a nice man, if you have decided to move on...I'll be happy to introduce you to my Mum :) Oh my I sound like pimping my Mum here hahah. Anyway my Mum is 59yrs old, very nice and lovely lady. Dad died 4yrs ago so I want her to move on and just enjoy life with a DECENT guy. Of course I want someone who will take her seriously and be nice to her and just spend the rest of their remaining lives happily. She is not aware of this but I did mention to her before that if I can find her a decent man I will. PM me anytime.

All the best.

[Philip]

I just want to say something about people commenting on those who need monetary help and having pride etc.

Just because someone asks for money does not mean they are necessarily a scammer or a hooker or that there isn't genuine love etc, everyones situations are different!

I supported Tonet from when we first met online till she was able to come here and get her own job. I was very happy to do so and here we are still together 4 years later and with our first wedding anniversary under our belts. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Those who have managed to get by without the support of your bf/husband are lucky to be able to do so, that's good for you! Those that aren't so lucky can still have pride in themselves and also be genuine with their feelings for their loved partner.

[keithAngel]

I just want to say something about people commenting on those who need monetary help and having pride etc.

Just because someone asks for money does not mean they are necessarily a scammer or a hooker or that there isn't genuine love etc, everyones situations are different!

I supported Tonet from when we first met online till she was able to come here and get her own job. I was very happy to do so and here we are still together 4 years later and with our first wedding anniversary under our belts. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Those who have managed to get by without the support of your bf/husband are lucky to be able to do so, that's good for you! Those that aren't so lucky can still have pride in themselves and also be genuine with their feelings for their loved partner.

I agree:xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[jackmac452]

Hi Kencornish..I was enthralled by your story as it seemed a mirror of my own. Being of a similar age myself.(well.a bit younger) I knew how you felt about it all..Whilst in China I met quite a lot of ladies from the Filipines and everyone of them was nice...but in reality I knew that bothering with a young girl at my maturity was asking for trouble...so I kept my head down and looked at the fare (so to speak) Along came my lovely lady who was 38 years old but looked and acted as though she was 30. But she was not so bothered about the flashy things in life..and I must admit..she is the best girl in the World...So my friend...don't give up..I would just think that its best to aim for someone who is a little bit more mature maybe and who just wants a nice man about the place...There are plenty of lovely ladies out there in the filipines...you have just got to search for them...I still cannot get over the fact that in one months time..I'm going to be a dad and thats after I had told my mates in the UK. two years ago that my love life was over...and the TV. was my new wife hahaha...go for it mate..good luck in all your endeavours...

[kencornish]

hi ken, relationships like this is hard, but being a filipina myself i would never ever dream of asking any kind of monetary support from a bf. she has in the past managed without you so why start relying on you now. i can tell you are a very decent guy, i think you deserve better. goodluck to you ken hope things work out for you. godbless!

Thanks for the compliment and, yes, I consider myself a decent guy.. also too open and honest for my own good. My passion is to help people from the benefit of my own mistakes. Maybe this will turn out to provide more grist to the mill. I'm sure M will manage quite well without further help from me. The cash I sent was collected just a few minutes after 0500 RP time today, without any form of acknowledgement. But I know that could be just cos power is down. At least that's usually the answer, but I've long since thought it can also make for a good excuse.

Ken

[aposhark]

Hi Kencornish..I was enthralled by your story as it seemed a mirror of my own. Being of a similar age myself.(well.a bit younger) I knew how you felt about it all..Whilst in China I met quite a lot of ladies from the Filipines and everyone of them was nice...but in reality I knew that bothering with a young girl at my maturity was asking for trouble...so I kept my head down and looked at the fare (so to speak) Along came my lovely lady who was 38 years old but looked and acted as though she was 30. But she was not so bothered about the flashy things in life..and I must admit..she is the best girl in the World...So my friend...don't give up..I would just think that its best to aim for someone who is a little bit more mature maybe and who just wants a nice man about the place...There are plenty of lovely ladies out there in the filipines...you have just got to search for them...I still cannot get over the fact that in one months time..I'm going to be a dad and thats after I had told my mates in the UK. two years ago that my love life was over...and the TV. was my new wife hahaha...go for it mate..good luck in all your endeavours...

Hi jackmac452 :)

I think it would be a mistake for any man to ignore younger Filipinas as not being "mature".
My wife is indeed quite a bit younger than me, but I would say that I find her far more mature than so many of greater years.
That was one thing that really surprised me - that Filipinos are so mature for their years, both male and female.
This can be seen all over the world by their strong characters and their "get-up-and-go" attitude to life.

You will know from your wife that she is so adaptable, this I feel, is an admirable trait right across the age spectrum. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[kencornish]

Hi Ken

Good luck with whatever decision you make, but be careful. It is easy to think everything is as it seems when you want it to. You need to think carefully about what you are going to do.

It may be betterto leave things for a while and then think about it with a clear head, but at the end of the day it has to be your decision.

I guess I am fortunate as I met my wife here in the UK so disdn't have any of the problems you mention.

Have a look at some other posts and websites, there are some real horror stories but there are also some womderful stories.

As I say just be vareful and think clearly.

Thanks, Scouse. I've done plenty of reading and I've read stories on both sides of the coin. I was aware before going into this and before visiting Phils. I have a mate with a Filipina wife of 24yrs and another contact with Filipina wife of similar record, both are about same age difference twixt man and wife as M and myself. Careful thinking is to be my watchword but it's too soon for me anyway, so I shall be leaving things for a while.

Ken

[kencornish]

Ken, your story is quite complicated and, to be honest, from what you have written, it sounds suspicious to me.:rolleyes:

As many people have commented on here, go to the Philippines and see that there are certainly many lovely, friendly ladies there.

I would trust the posters on here; we look after each other with good advice and we can all get pointers for the future.

A Filipina can be the most loving and caring lady, and the quest is worth it in the end if you put effort and enthusiasm in.

Best of luck in your decision. :)

Onwards and Upwards.

Thanks, aposhark, for your remarks and encouragement. I can tell there is love and compassion on this board, so trust will not be an issue for me here.

Complicated is correct... suspicious, possibly. I've been thinking the voice in my head was a devil causing doubt, rather than intuition. There's been a whole lot of intuition in our relationship... mostly positive... so I overrode the doubt. But, just to show how intuition is still alive, here's what happened last night.

After avoiding any possible contact with M all day yesterday, I activated Yahoo at 2210 last night, 0510am in Phils. There was no message from her, but there was a message from Xoom that the cash had been collected just 6 minutes before I went to check. Some will say coincidence, but when such things happen as regularly as in this relationship, I don't think so.

Ken

[kencornish]

Hi Ken,

You really sound like a nice man, if you have decided to move on...I'll be happy to introduce you to my Mum :) Oh my I sound like pimping my Mum here hahah. Anyway my Mum is 59yrs old, very nice and lovely lady. Dad died 4yrs ago so I want her to move on and just enjoy life with a DECENT guy. Of course I want someone who will take her seriously and be nice to her and just spend the rest of their remaining lives happily. She is not aware of this but I did mention to her before that if I can find her a decent man I will. PM me anytime.

All the best.

Thanks for the compliment, Geraldine, and without any BS you give me a great honour in even considering an intro to your Mum. My wants and needs are simple, much like your Mum I guess, and maybe a lady closer to my own age would be a safer idea. However, I'm respopnsible enough to realise that I need to get myself into a healthier financial position before I consider any lady just now. M has inspired me to come back to life, and I shall never forget that. Time now to put that life to good use. Thanks again, and I shall not forget, Geraldine.

[IainBusby]

I think you've got to just take this one on the chin Ken, put it down to experience, just accept that you've been scammed and are still being scammed, then move on. There are lots of nice genuine Filipinas out there, most of whom would be loathe to ever ask you for any money.

The first time I sent my missus money, before we were married that is, it was for her air fare to Manila to meet me there. I sent her a bit more than P5000 and when we met in Manila, she offered me the change from the P5000. This to my mind is more typical of a genuine Filipina.
Iain.

[kencornish]

I just want to say something about people commenting on those who need monetary help and having pride etc.

Just because someone asks for money does not mean they are necessarily a scammer or a hooker or that there isn't genuine love etc, everyones situations are different!

Those who have managed to get by without the support of your bf/husband are lucky to be able to do so, that's good for you! Those that aren't so lucky can still have pride in themselves and also be genuine with their feelings for their loved partner.

Thanks for your comments, Philip, and I agree. That's why I'm content to just "wait and see". I always try to think the best of a person, rather than the worst, and try to help others rather than hinder them. That philosophy has served me quite well up to now, although helping others is only good as long as they're prepared to help themselves.

Ken

[kencornish]

I still cannot get over the fact that in one months time..I'm going to be a dad and thats after I had told my mates in the UK. two years ago that my love life was over...and the TV. was my new wife hahaha...go for it mate..good luck in all your endeavours...

Congrats on the future addition to your tribe. I felt the same when I was 49 but the chance of adding any little Kennys to global population was ended for me, by choice, many years earlier. I'm still open to trying though. Funny ole world, innit? :D More lead to yer pencil, Matey... well done... to you and your lady.

[kencornish]

I think you've got to just take this one on the chin Ken, put it down to experience, just accept that you've been scammed and are still being scammed, then move on. There are lots of nice genuine Filipinas out there, most of whom would be loathe to ever ask you for any money.

The first time I sent my missus money, before we were married that is, it was for her air fare to Manila to meet me there. I sent her a bit more than P5000 and when we met in Manila, she offered me the change from the P5000. This to my mind is more typical of a genuine Filipina.
Iain.

Thanks, Iain, and I've noted that your remark about finance is consistent throughout this board. A valuable lesson well learned, but I have to say again that requests for money only came in this last month when her situation became more difficult. And I believe that to be true.

But, true or not, there's no problem for me to accept whatever comes my way on this or any other decision I make. Still, the more I read and respond, the more I feel that the right lady is not so far away or out of reach... and might well be a tonic when I'm ready. Thanks again.

Ken

[joebloggs]

I have to say again that requests for money only came in this last month when her situation became more difficult. And I believe that to be true.

But, true or not, there's no problem for me to accept whatever comes my way on this or any other decision I make. Still, the more I read and respond, the more I feel that the right lady is not so far away or out of reach... and might well be a tonic when I'm ready. Thanks again.

Ken

Ken, you 'believe' it to be truth, or you want it to be true, the thing is you don't know, not easy to deal with, i've been there myself, and when my misses got into difficulty, she didn't ask me for money, i offered, it was refused by her and by her mom, i pratically begged her to take the money for weeks :icon_lol: and for me then, there was no way out :cwm24:

maybe you are being scammed or used and abused, maybe she really does need your help, but becareful what you accuse her of without evidence, anyway the balls in your court, i wish you well.

and i forgot to say, we married in end, and we've been happily married for 6 or 7 years, i can't remember :doh

[kencornish]

Ken, you 'believe' it to be truth, or you want it to be true, the thing is you don't know, not easy to deal with, i've been there myself, and when my misses got into difficulty, she didn't ask me for money, i offered, it was refused by her and by her mom, i pratically begged her to take the money for weeks :icon_lol: and for me then, there was no way out :cwm24:

maybe you are being scammed or used and abused, maybe she really does need your help, but becareful what you accuse her of without evidence, anyway the balls in your court, i wish you well.

and i forgot to say, we married in end, and we've been happily married for 6 or 7 years, i can't remember :doh

Point taken, joebloggs. Maybe *wanting* is overriding the believing, just like the same wanting overrode any doubts. There is no evidence so I cannot accuse, nor shall I, and as I wrote earlier, I have defended M against such accusations from the start, even against the prejudice and accusations of most members of my own family. So no worries there.

Between reading and posting to this board though, a great deal of thinking during today, and revisiting our relationship since returning from Phils, it doesn't really matter what the answer is anyway. I think we've reached a point where there have been far too many little things for this relationship to continue from my point of view; little things not related to money in any way, and things that suggested her actions didn't live up to her words. I've even put that down to genuine forgetfulness caused by stress from running around after her attorney about the annulment, hassle from her ex, and pressure of work.

Ken

PS. Hey Joe... isn't that a big PLUS... to be so happily ensconced in each other's company that you can't remember how long it's been? ;) Ok as long as you don't foget the anniversary I guess :doh :D

[jackmac452]

Thank you my friend...Yes you are right Aposhark..my mistake..plenty of Filipino ladies that I met were young in China..but they still were too young and so full of life for me hahaha (and Beautiful to boot) Maybe the truth was..I could not handle too much excitement...and Kencornish...it's clan...not tribe..where my parents originate from..(not many Filipino's called MacDonald..but hopefully Junior will address that problem.. sometime in the distant future)....and I'm 59..but only look 25.......or is that my IQ?..

[kencornish]

I'm like you, Mac, regarding age and looks. Somehow I have to think my IQ has also dropped to same level. :icon_lol: Possibly hormonal :eek: :tdo13:

[joebloggs]

.. isn't that a big PLUS... to be so happily ensconced in each other's company that you can't remember how long it's been? ;) Ok as long as you don't foget the anniversary I guess :doh :D


just like a lifer, after a number of years inside you don't remember how long its been :doh

:D

and is it over ken :Erm:, can you really walk away :D

[jbt]

I just want to say something about people commenting on those who need monetary help and having pride etc.

Just because someone asks for money does not mean they are necessarily a scammer or a hooker or that there isn't genuine love etc, everyones situations are different!

I supported Tonet from when we first met online till she was able to come here and get her own job. I was very happy to do so and here we are still together 4 years later and with our first wedding anniversary under our belts. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Those who have managed to get by without the support of your bf/husband are lucky to be able to do so, that's good for you! Those that aren't so lucky can still have pride in themselves and also be genuine with their feelings for their loved partner.


I agree:)

[Mrs.JMajor]

I have story,u might concerned to read it ken,a filipina is chatting online w/ so called bf from UK,she told me she been chatting w/ this man for more than a year and funny the man sending her monthly allowance,she told me,then i asked her did your husband know all about it,and she said yes,and i asked how he feel about it that your chatting and pretending single,the husband said its OK as long as he never touch my wife,he also said that's only trick to get money(gosh)husband sometimes was also on the other corner watching TV while the wife is chatting to the bf,

Its sad but be smart enough to know everything and just don't easy sending money like that
Also i was confused w/ your story ,u said she abandoned already ,then how come she still received text from strange husband as what u mention on your first post w/ this thread

[vbkelly]

hi jedc143 i think this is a common cases not only in the philippines but around the world,i have a couple of friends told me about how they meet their husband on the dating sites so bcoz i was curious about it i did try to sign up on the dating sites they said not for looking a man just being nosy what it is. i had a couple of filipinas friends online mostly they are married and i said to them why are you here on the dating site if you are married,most of them said bcoz their husband no job and their husband agreed with them to go online dating to earn money and i said to them what you mean to earn a money and they're laughing.just imagine one woman said to me she earned php50k a month for doing scammed,i was shocked what i heard to them and they said mostly their victims are oldie men,it is really sad and hopefully no one of the member of this forum is a victim of scammed.

[IainBusby]

Thank you my friend...Yes you are right Aposhark..my mistake..plenty of Filipino ladies that I met were young in China..but they still were too young and so full of life for me hahaha (and Beautiful to boot) Maybe the truth was..I could not handle too much excitement...and Kencornish...it's clan...not tribe..where my parents originate from..(not many Filipino's called MacDonald..but hopefully Junior will address that problem.. sometime in the distant future)....and I'm 59..but only look 25.......or is that my IQ?..

My missus is and my step-daughter Mary Grace will be soon!
Iain.

[jackmac452]

IainBusby....You a MacDonald ? ohh wow...we can populate the Philipines..build an army and go and kick those Campbell butts.....Myself and Nisa went to Glen Coe 18 months ago to see my auntie..and she loved the place..(hated the cold though and chickened out climbing Ben Nevis..the coward).............whoops..going off topic again..silly me..

[PeterB]

Ooops ... with the surname 'Bell', it seems possible that my ancestry goes back to the Campbells!

[jackmac452]

PeterB...We MacDonald's would never hurt a pretty lady like yourself (strange name for a lady. PeterB) but your husband or B/F...well thats different...We hold grudges for ever..us Mac's do..(well thats what my Grandad told me to do)..hahaha...No...this time we will make an exception.....anyway, with a name like Bell..I'll bet he was called..Ding Dong at school...the poor lad......

[PeterB]

Hehe .. that's a photo of my wife!

... and there are worse things that you can be called at school!

Still, I thank you for your compassion!

[cornwoman]

Hi Ken,
are u indeed cornish?as my hubby is.seems shes using you as a piggy bank based on ur story. my hubby and i met also online thru a dating site everything is fantastic.there was no request for money for personal needs but only for the payment of marriage expenses and visa thing.my advise to you is to stop sending money and get back to a dating site and hope you can find a genuine filipina woman as most are genuine.cut your losses shes using you.best of luck.

[IainBusby]

IainBusby....You a MacDonald ? ohh wow...we can populate the Philipines..build an army and go and kick those Campbell butts :xxmixed-smiley-017:.....Myself and Nisa went to Glen Coe 18 months ago to see my auntie..and she loved the place..(hated the cold though and chickened out climbing Ben Nevis..the coward).............whoops..going off topic again..silly me..

We have just had a holiday in Scotland and one of the things I had pencilled in to do while we were there was to drive from Crieff, which is very near to where we were staying, to Fort William so that my wife and step-daughter could see Glencoe and the rest of the amazing scenery on that journey.

I have travelled that road many times as I have an aunt who lives on the Isle of Skye and I still think the scenery is awesome. Sadly, things got a bit too hectic, too many relatives to see etc, so we never managed to make that trip this time.
Iain.

[jackmac452]

Ohh my goodness..I've just noticed your age...same as mine..maybe we are long lost brothers...hmm my missus looks like yours also...(but mine maybe a bit fatter hehehe). If you get a chance ever. Take her up Glen Durra by Ballachulish...maybe you'll see the young Ghost lady who seems to flit about there....

[gazlou]

I agreee with you! I never asked money to my bf either. Its not about money its about the love you feel with each other... I do believe that ppl who ask more money esp n a long distance relationshp is not a geniune love ////... :NoNo: Some of them might jus use you... :yikes:

Same here.

[kencornish]

Quick update. We have contact at last. Acknowledgement of my gift was received on Friday am, RP time, along with reasonable explanation for absence. Contact by SMS via Skype is getting through and being acknowledged, whereas SMS via Yahoo seems not to work from my end. But, me being a non-techy type, it's probably a question of config or wrong version of Yahoo. Anyway... resolved, and it's a hell of a lot cheaper than mobile texting. Also have phoned M via Skype but she says reception is garbled and can hardly hear me in Samar, whereas I can hear her wall to wall. So it looks like SMS will have to suffice.

I posted elsewhere that the jury are deliberating and you will have noticed my edits in this thread. Edits were made in respect M and her privacy, lack of real evidence, and a certain degree of self preservation in case of libel, slander, or someday getting hacked with a bolo :omg:

Thanks to everybody for your remarks, and especially to KeithAngel for his help. Onwards and upwards, with eyes and ears open, my head down, and my :action-smiley-081: to the wind.

Ken

[kencornish]

Hi Ken,
are u indeed cornish?as my hubby is.seems shes using you as a piggy bank based on ur story. my hubby and i met also online thru a dating site everything is fantastic.there was no request for money for personal needs but only for the payment of marriage expenses and visa thing.my advise to you is to stop sending money and get back to a dating site and hope you can find a genuine filipina woman as most are genuine.cut your losses shes using you.best of luck.

Thanks for your remarks, cornwoman, and yes... I am indeed Cornish, as your husband is.
Some situations are simple, others not as simple, and some are not so simple. My lady's situation is of the latter type.
I've put a lot of effort into this relationship, and I believe that she has too. Whatever money I've put in was my own choice and is gone from me. End of story. I accept that and have no regrets about the money. If ever I feel that my efforts have been wasted, I shall post and say so for the benefit of those who come after me on these boards. What they choose to do about money is also their choice, but I say this much... if I had the foresight to join this board when our relationship started, my actions might well have been different. Still... water under the bridge, we can't go back, and time moves on.

Ken

[aposhark]

Thanks for your remarks, cornwoman, and yes... I am indeed Cornish, as your husband is.
Some situations are simple, others not as simple, and some are not so simple. My lady's situation is of the latter type.
I've put a lot of effort into this relationship, and I believe that she has too. Whatever money I've put in was my own choice and is gone from me. End of story. I accept that and have no regrets about the money. If ever I feel that my efforts have been wasted, I shall post and say so for the benefit of those who come after me on these boards. What they choose to do about money is also their choice, but I say this much... if I had the foresight to join this board when our relationship started, my actions might well have been different. Still... water under the bridge, we can't go back, and time moves on.

Ken

Hi Ken,
Just be careful. :rolleyes:
People on here only want good times to come to their Filipino-Brit family.
Things that we seem to understand on here can often have greater significance later on.
I had a strange situation which was well documented in a massive post, and one thing I learned was that it is good to keep on thinking of all the angles that posters shed light on.
This forum is invaluable for all of us :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Of course the most valuable thing is the love of a Filipina (or Filipino for the ladies on here) which is something that I had no idea about, and something that has been the most powerful emotion to have come my way in life.
Everything is worthwhile in life with love like that.

"Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it...It really is worth fighting for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more." anon

It is worth striving for, but this forum is a great "heads up" especially for people who sadly get scammed.
All the best in your relationship.
Hope to hear good things as time goes on. :)

[Jay&Zobel]

.

We are now in month 14 of our relationship and at no time has M actually asked me for money until this last month. Within 3 weeks of our first contact her brother died and I had no hesitation in sending the relatively small amount necessary to assist in his "laying to rest". M said I had no obligation but I'd fallen for her "big time" and, despite those who think they know about all Pinas being the same, I defended her and sent the money. All Pinas are NOT the same, just like ALL of ANY race are not all the same... and I have defended my girl through thick and thin.

Some might play "the oldest trick in the book" but I never doubted her about her brother's demise. Last month I asked M about it and she, quite rightly, hit the roof to think I accuse her of being a con artist, thief, and liar. I explained that I wanted proof to try and convince my family members who all think I'm crazy to want her and her kids. But I also wanted to write a letter of support for her Fiancee visa application and hoped that such statements might be considered favourably as evidence by ECOs as to the nature of our relationship. She obtained a copy of the death certificate and I have the image as expected.

Aside from attorney fees I've sent a number of money gifts when I've been aware there's a need, and some when there's been no need apparent. I am by no means wealthy but one occasion she had borrowed a sum of money to make a birthday party for her daughter. She didn't ask for anything but little did she know that I had already decided it was time to send some support. So I said nothing and sent the larger sum I already intended. That very day she received a demand for arrears of rent on her plot, and the sum I sent covered both rent (of which I was not aware) and the money borrowed for the birthday. Such things have happened so many times that it's as if we communicate telepathically.

Under other circumstances I would do what I can to send cash as support, but I feel caught between moral obligation (as I see it) and common sense.

That's about it, folks, and I know there's only one person can decide what to do. I've devoted the last 14 months to a woman I've wanted more than anything, and living, breathing, working to try and make this happen for us on the basis that we are somehow destined to be together.

This is only half a story and we both say we Love each other and will make it work. Our individual 20yr histories, and the pain of another loss not being an experience either of us wants, could well make that true. But it raises the question of Love. Some say that where there is Real Love there will be trust and no doubt. Makes me wonder if that remains valid when parties are separated by 7,000 miles of ocean with the erratic power supply of Western Samar providing, or not, communication, to often raise questions in even the most determined minds.

Thanks for reading and, in advance, for any comments that might be forthcoming.

Ken

PS - Since preparing this screed in Notepad, I have sent a small sum to get her out of a hole if she is, in fact, desperate right now.

Stories like this, just breaks my heart. SOmetimes, I feel ashamed I'm a Filipino because some are just doing whatever they can to scam, to abuse other people for the sake of money without thinking that they are hurting a genuine person, who is willing to give up everything, willing to send support, because he thought he is "in love" with her.



watch out for there are lots of scammers online... there's lots of nice filipina out there but there's also loads of hookers...
I fall in love with my husband even no money involved in our relationship, I am not a rich kid but I have my pride not to accept money from anyone especially for my boyfriend. I apply for my visa and travel to the UK without asking any financial help from him. So I guess, it's a shame for a woman to keep on asking help to her bf especially if it's money involve.

When money is involve in the early stage of the relationship can be very misleading. I still strongly believe giving or taking money is wrong if you want to have a lasting relationship. The foundation of a great friendship is love not money.



hi ken, relationships like this is hard, but being a filipina myself i would never ever dream of asking any kind of monetary support from a bf. she has in the past managed without you so why start relying on you now. i can tell you are a very decent guy, i think you deserve better. goodluck to you ken hope things work out for you. godbless!

PRECISELY!!!!

[aposhark]

Stories like this, just breaks my heart. SOmetimes, I feel ashamed I'm a Filipino because some are just doing whatever they can to scam, to abuse other people for the sake of money without thinking that they are hurting a genuine person, who is willing to give up everything, willing to send support, because he thought he is "in love" with her.

When money is involve in the early stage of the relationship can be very misleading. I still strongly believe giving or taking money is wrong if you want to have a lasting relationship. The foundation of a great friendship is love not money.

PRECISELY!!!!

I think that a lot of us British men who meet Filipinas in person (I see there are some women here also with their Filipino man) soon realise that we have to help support our Mahals, especially if she has to do many things to get married, and then the long process of applying for the Visa.

It would be nigh-on impossible for many Filipinas in the province to pay for everything.
Even buying clothes and make-up is expensive for many Filipinas.

I think asking for / receiving money on dating sites can end in tears, but there are also lots of happy couples who have met that way too :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Jay&Zobel]

It would be nigh-on impossible for many Filipinas in the province to pay for everything.
Even buying clothes and make-up is expensive for many Filipinas.

I think asking for / receiving money on dating sites can end in tears, but there are also lots of happy couples who have met that way too :xxgrinning--00xx3:


I respect your opinion. It is the matter a matter playing it by the ear. As long as you are sensible enough. Just be cautious and keep an eye on your spending that does not affect your life here. There is nothing wrong of being careful.

[aposhark]

Jay&Zobel

I hope you don't mind me asking but who is kissing who in your avatar? :D

[Jay&Zobel]

Jay&Zobel

I hope you don't mind me asking but who is kissing who in your avatar? :D


Hehe, I dont mind at all lol. That's our candid pic.:D

Well, that was the younger brother of my husband, he can be silly and acts like a kid at times. hehe.