marriage on the rocks!!!

[angelbird]

hi i dont know what to do anymore. ive been married 2 months and already things have deteriorated so far i'm losing hope. all i want to do is to start my wifes visa application,the problem is she says her harddrive was faulty and has got a new one....that means all our emails,chats are lost forever!!! since i got bck to the uk from marring her in june she has completly changed. she is uninterested in discussing any future plans and has even got aggresive with money requests. she frequently tells me she hates me and ignores calls,emails txts and offline msgs. i know about tampo's but it seems hate has replaced any love...im even wondering if shes a scammer!

[Eljohno]

I am real sorry things have turned out this way for you, how long did you know her before you got married? This is the first case i have heard of like this to be honest. If she is a scammer i wonder why she never waited until she got to the uk before getting on like she is now...

[angelbird]

we've know each other since may 05. i'm shocked,i've never known a personality change as quickly.believe me when i say i have given her every benefit of the doubt,i have blamed myself,given her space you name it ive tried it. my only theory is that she KNOWS she wont ever get a visa? she lives by this notion of revenge which to the everyday uk guy is alien to us especially with regards to a wife or gf. i was taught to kiss and make up! is this yet another filipina thing i did'nt know about?

[baboyako]

buy her a house or something. get her something to occupy her time..

[angelbird]

thats an unhelpful suggestion but cheers anyway.

[Eljohno]

thats an unhelpful suggestion but cheers anyway.

I agree with you Angelbird as the last thing you want to do if you are in fact being scammed is to buy her anything else. If she has in fact scammed you then you need to try and get out of this mess when possible mate. If you want someone to talk to then send me a personal message.

John:NoNo:

[ginapeterb]

hi i dont know what to do anymore. ive been married 2 months and already things have deteriorated so far i'm losing hope. all i want to do is to start my wifes visa application,the problem is she says her harddrive was faulty and has got a new one....that means all our emails,chats are lost forever!!! since i got bck to the uk from marring her in june she has completly changed. she is uninterested in discussing any future plans and has even got aggresive with money requests. she frequently tells me she hates me and ignores calls,emails txts and offline msgs. i know about tampo's but it seems hate has replaced any love...im even wondering if shes a scammer!

Boboyako...that was unhelpful to the guys predicament, its not helpful to make comments like that, when the guy doesnt know where he stands, anyway, back to the guy who made this post.

I am sorry to hear what you had to say about your wife, sadly, this is not the first time I hear things like this, its a pattern of behaviour that some Filipinas go through, when there agendas have changed, its hard for me to say this to you, but your wife had an agenda when she met you, it appears to me. that there is a likelihood that your wife's agenda was to spin you on your axis to see which way you will tilt ?

What do I mean by this ?

You say she is loosing interest, she doesnt have a Filipino boyfreind in the background does she ? ( it sounds like it to me), if she is blocking you with crap. such as the hard drive has broken and she had to get a new one, take that with a pinch of salt, a filipina wont spend money on a hard drive, she would rather spend it on a bracelet or a ring, or some other item of jewelry, if a Filipina cant spend it, ride in it, sleep on it, eat it, live in it, or wear it, she aint interested in it.

You say she is getting aggressive in money requests, thats not a good sign, if she gets aggressive, the more you resist, the more she will hate you, somtimes Filipinas can get quite aggresive when things are not going there way, especiallywhen they need money, so many of them have financial agenda's the agenda is a set of priorities that they have, and sadly, you are low on the list my freind, probably down at the bottom, along with the vet bill for the sick caribou.

If she is ignoring your phone calls, texts, offliners, she is reading them for sure, she is displeased with you for some reason, they do this, by blanking you out, when you have displeased them, this could last for hours, but mainly it lasts for days, or a week, at least, and your last comment says it all... " Im even thinking that she is a scammer"

Ive never known a member of this forum use that comment ever, sometimes when you say things like that, you have already made your own assesment of whats goingon, maybe there are things you are not telling us, such as other background information, I would like to help you in this, but you have to come clean a bit more about what is going on, to get inside your wifes head is hard without the full information, fortunately all Filipinas are pre-programmed into certain behavioural traits that are easy to remedy, if you know what to look for and how to deal with it.

My suggestion is that if you can afford it, tell her you are booking on the next flight out to see her, and resolve the situation, but dont threaten it, do it !, if budgets dont allow for that, then try to speak to her, if she blanks you, ask her why is she behaving like this, and if you get repeated requests for money, dont entertain them, when she is being rude to you, tell her, there will be no more money in the short term, and stick to it, dont be taken for a fool, if you do send money, and she is rude to you, she will only laugh at you, and call you a stupid foreigner, dont give her the satisfaction, if a guy tells me ..he thinks his wife might be a scammer, his gut instinct is normally right, none of the guys on this forum have to put up with a Filipino wife who is like that, I have this sneaking suspicion in the back of my mind that she doesnt want to be with you, ( she might have another), it just fits a certain profile. dont ask me why, I have a feeling about this lady.

Try and spell out the timeline of your relationship here at the forum, I might be able to advise more if I know the timeline.

Best of luck

Pete

[baboyako]

Well 2 blokes who seem to think they know how a womens mind works...

Personally I think 90% of the problem is with you - assuming your wife is a scammer because she wants a new hard disk (50quid?) says a great deal to me.

Look at it from her perspective. Just because she'd prefer the 800quid rather than a trip to see her doesn't make her a scammer.

My inlaws are HORRIFIED on the amount of money I spend on flights, hotels (beer haha). please remember the phil is a poor country, and you are a rich man.

[angelbird]

im a working man my friend....ive spent a total of 4 months in ph this year + the wedding ect...to finance this i have let my property out and quit my job to find the time!

the point about the hard drive isnt a financial one..that hard drive represents our HISTORY which will be needed to get her a spousal visa!

ive been and stayed with my wifes family in mindanao....trust me i know the poverty is rampant. her pasay appartment aint much better too!

i think you are having difficulty reading and understanding maybe u should lay off the grog and send the dough to the street kids!

[Eljohno]

Ok guys no need to turn this into a slagging match, i am sure in the end you will do the right thing but as Pete says only you know all the facts and we are only giving our views on what we know:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[baboyako]

please wake up - you do not need chat logs to get a visa.

rather than concentrating on your agenda of shipping her over here - listen to what your wife is asking for, and maybe what her expectations were of the marriage.

I think it's time one of the girls on the forum chipped in... certainly this girl is NO scammer.

& yes, the inlaws have given me more than an earful about being a lasing husband.

[Eljohno]

please wake up - you do not need chat logs to get a visa.

rather than concentrating on your agenda of shipping her over here - listen to what your wife is asking for, and maybe what her expectations were of the marriage.

I think it's time one of the girls on the forum chipped in... certainly this girl is NO scammer.

& yes, the inlaws have given me more than an earful about being a lasing husband.

How can you be so certain that she is not a scammer.

My wife read the post and thinks she might be also.

You are forgetting that it was Angelbird who made the statement and he knows alot more about the situation..

[angelbird]

when your wife asks you to send 500peso for a blood test to confirm that she's not preggy so she can safely start taking slimming pills in order to "make the money that im not sending her"...alarm bells start to sound! ive sent her £300 this month already...maybe shes just dramatic,hormonal or just plain bad? all i know is this is out of character and not the girl i married.

[baboyako]

" she frequently tells me she hates me and ignores calls,emails txts and offline msgs"

scammer? or a typical female?

[baboyako]

when your wife asks you to send 500peso for a blood test to confirm that she's not preggy so she can safely start taking slimming pills in order to "make the money that im not sending her"...alarm bells start to sound! ive sent her £300 this month already...maybe shes just dramatic,hormonal or just plain bad? all i know is this is out of character and not the girl i married.

depends what she's spending the money on.

mine has had a magic sing (11,000), motorola v3 pink(9,500), wanted to see her sister in cebu (5,000), then money to fly back (10,000). all in the past week & she still tells me I'm mean because I've not bought her a honda jazz.

I think her 500peso request is typical woman drama.

[ginapeterb]

when your wife asks you to send 500peso for a blood test to confirm that she's not preggy so she can safely start taking slimming pills in order to "make the money that im not sending her"...alarm bells start to sound! ive sent her £300 this month already...maybe shes just dramatic,hormonal or just plain bad? all i know is this is out of character and not the girl i married.

£300.00 is more than enough, dont send anymore, I dont know what the P500.00 is all about, for a blood test, whats this crap she is talking about ? well you know your wife better than anyone here, if its out of character, youre the best judge of that, and as for Boboyako, I dont think youre helping with your posts, but then again, its a free country, well almost, I suppose you are entitled to your opinion,

" Oh Lord please ask my British hubby to buy me a Mercedes Benz " my freinds all have porches, I must make amends !"

[angelbird]

i understand your relationship is different from mine. i've always made it 100% clear to her that the real finacial reward will be when she is over here and we become a united finacial unit. working together for our families and our future. she is 27 a single mum(although her parents take care of him in mindanao).so she has survived all those years without my support and she can survive on what i send her now. she also has a v3 and a nice hp laptop ect... but she must live according to her means. she has told me that she is worse off financially since she met me...unfortunatly that poses more questions than it answers?

[angelbird]

:icon_lol: im about to sell a porsche 944 on ebay...might buy the wife a scooter:icon_lol:

[KeithD]

I think her 500peso request is typical woman drama.

So your wife often has blood tests then! :Erm:

[angelbird]

well its the first blood test i know about lol!!! anyway ive already asked her if she is or was a GRO:doh

she missed a period so she thinks she might be preggy,although a test proved negative. thats why she wants a blood test apparently.

[baboyako]

I had an ex gf who went nuts when she thought she was pregnant. ended up in hospital with a drug overdose.. a real psycho:furious3:

anyway..

its not "but she must live according to her means", its "we" and "our". which reminds me she also had 3,500 for hair rebonding.

ok, how about suggesting she go & work in a cebu call centre? 25,000/mo

[KeithD]

To be honest, I'd just ignore her. Let her come to you.

[Eljohno]

" she frequently tells me she hates me and ignores calls,emails txts and offline msgs"

scammer? or a typical female?

I would not say that is behaviour of a typical female and to be saying theses things within a month or so of getting married surely is very unusual..

Why would she want to ignore her new husband so soon after getting married?:Erm:

[remee_milano]

I’m so sorry to hear that. Obviously she is indeed a scammer… All she wants is your GBP my friend. A typical (old fashiond) filipina isn’t like that, I agree with what Moderator Pete has said. “fortunately all Filipinas are pre-programmed into certain behavioural traits that are easy to remedy, if you know what to look for and how to deal with it.”


“…she also has a v3 and a nice hp laptop ect... but she must live according to her means. she has told me that she is worse off financially since she met me...unfortunately that poses more questions than it answers?..” Where does she work? An ordinary employee earns P6,000-P10000.00/month (provincial areas) where did she get those things? Not unless she works in call center which pays up to P25000 monthly, but still Laptop & v3 cost fortunes. Maybe she has foreigner boyfriend(s) who sends her money too (evidently, she succeeded on trapping you guys)

P30000!!! That’s too much what will she do with that? Ah yeah a nice motorcycle costs P25,000. a high end celphone is P17,000. Hair rebond P4,000. bags, shoes.. oh she got plenty of things in her mind my friend. Plenty of “Luho” Don’t buy it!

Trust your instinct

[ginapeterb]

Remee_ Milano

she sounds bilmoko di ba !

and Angelbird, you seem to have ignored my advice to spell out your timeline in your relationship, do you want help ? or is something else going on that you havent told us, you dont seem distraught enough, over your wife's alledged behaviour, if it was Rob, or Keith or John or Me, trust me, we would be all trying to get to the bottom of it, if your wife is behaving like this now, its unlikely you are going for a visa are you ? I would have said, your next stop is the Family Court !, ( i.e. Divorce court), can I ask you ! are you trolling our site, cos you dont seem to me like a guy whose marriage is on the rocks, your light hearted posts, are not convincing me, I may be wrong
but I have a feeling about you as well.

Oh well as always Pete tells it as it is...

[angelbird]

i'm sorry but i guess im numb,this fighting has been going on since we got bck from our honeymoon (july2). my marriage is indeed on the rocks pete. and i sensed this months ago. when i returned from ph my wife made zero effort to contact me. she said her internet connection was not paid,i know it was because i paid it while i was there! or at least gave her the money to pay the bill. at this time i discovered this very site while searching for info about the visa application. i posted a question on this matter. during this time my wife even refused to walk 5 mins to an internet cafe so of course ive been worried since late july untill now. the timeline is as follows,we met in late may 05 and i went to meet her in makati dec-feb, and then went bck in june and we married june 21(midsummers day). i arrived bck in the uk july 24.

pete i really do want advise thats why i posted my concerns, what i want most is my loving wife rea bck to her old self again,her change in attitude might well be something i'm doing or not doing? but i do know hatred and cruelty and boy is she putting me through the mill. we've had blazing ugly fights where ive questioned her about her past,does she have a philipino bf ,is she playing me ect.. i've basically asked her most of the things you mentioned.

how hard can i push her on this scamming issue? wot happens if she is genuine but just scared of the the move to the uk? i dont want to break her heart.....but she is breaking mine and i think she knows that too.

i'm selling my car to finance a visit, i will be there to submit her visa application with her....thats all i can do.i can only pray that she is really true to me.

[mupsuit]

I feel sadden that you have encountered such difficulty and it will take a wiser head than mine to be sure of offering the 'correct' advice


My suggestion is that you draw the line now

1) No more support money .............. why ....you are using all your funds to set up her new home in UK

The only money I sent my wife at the same stage was for a) the visa application and b) once approved for her plane ticket - it was four months(+/-) from wedding to arrival in UK

2) No trip by you 'to be there when the visa application is made' - money needed for Point 1 ... Any help needed for the application can be done from here

You can get excellent advice from Pete and the forum generally on any aspect of the visa process and this can be done from the UK

See British Embassy Manila web site TODAY and send out the required supporting documents by courier TOMORROW -

Rationale for the firm stance : This will show your wife that everything is being done in the interest of her joining you in the UK. It should give her confidence in your future together as you are showing leadership in domestic affairs with the focus on the new family life together.

You do however need to take charge over the situation, regain the initiative - (she has that at the moment and you are responding on her terms) and steer your marriage in a positive direction

I think, from your posts, that you are smart enough to extend the thought process behind my comments and how they bear upon your situation

Good luck you are not facing an easy choice - keep posting as am sure you will get the advice that best suits your situation

[ginapeterb]

i'm sorry but i guess im numb,this fighting has been going on since we got bck from our honeymoon (july2). my marriage is indeed on the rocks pete. and i sensed this months ago. when i returned from ph my wife made zero effort to contact me. she said her internet connection was not paid,i know it was because i paid it while i was there! or at least gave her the money to pay the bill. at this time i discovered this very site while searching for info about the visa application. i posted a question on this matter. during this time my wife even refused to walk 5 mins to an internet cafe so of course ive been worried since late july untill now. the timeline is as follows,we met in late may 05 and i went to meet her in makati dec-feb, and then went bck in june and we married june 21(midsummers day). i arrived bck in the uk july 24.

pete i really do want advise thats why i posted my concerns, what i want most is my loving wife rea bck to her old self again,her change in attitude might well be something i'm doing or not doing? but i do know hatred and cruelty and boy is she putting me through the mill. we've had blazing ugly fights where ive questioned her about her past,does she have a philipino bf ,is she playing me ect.. i've basically asked her most of the things you mentioned.

how hard can i push her on this scamming issue? wot happens if she is genuine but just scared of the the move to the uk? i dont want to break her heart.....but she is breaking mine and i think she knows that too.

i'm selling my car to finance a visit, i will be there to submit her visa application with her....thats all i can do.i can only pray that she is really true to me.


Angelbird,

Its good that you decided to respond to the background of your relationship with this woman, i might have been a bit harsh on you, so sorry for that, I just wanted to test your resolve, in this matter.

Marriages dont go on the rocks after the honeymoon if the relationship is 100 per cent genuine and dare I say it, based on a desire to be together, I Filpina in love is not going to play all these games, a genuine Filipina who wants to be with you cos she worships the ground you walk on, is not going to behave in this manner thats point number 1.

I know of at least 50 British-Filipino happily married couples, and I don't hear stories like this, apart from the usual marital disagreements that all couples have, regardless of being mixed race marriages, the problem with meeting someone on a text based environment, is this is one of the resulting fallouts from an ill conceived relationship where one party is not genuinely committed.

Now from what you have said, your wife appears to me, to have had a pre-planned agenda even before you relationship started, I assume you met her on the net, her pre-planned agenda is now revealing itself to you, now that it is time for her to apply for the visa, if she started this tantrumming and no contacting behaviour just after you got back from the honeymoon, then it appears to me, she knows the writing is on the wall, and now its time to go to UK, if she never planned to come to UK, thats why she is behaving like this, I would assume and again its speculation on her behaviour, that she was hoping that you would be the Golden Goose for her, the fact that she has gone through a Philippine marriage ceremony suprises me, as she cannot dissolve this marriage in the Philippines, so that puzzles me somewhat ? having said that stranger things have happened, sometimes the wife arrives in the foreign country, and then after a couple of months makes your life hell, and ends up persuading you to send her back, cos she doesnt want to be with you, most Filiipinas go through a period of chronic homesickness, but in all cases where there is much love for her husband, she will stand it, until she gets over it, and gets a life in the foreign country.

In your case She has not got to that stage as yet, she may have the jitters about moving to another country, or she may have confessed to friends that she doesnt want to leave her life, and now it is dawning on her she has to do that, this may be her defence mechanism kicking in, by being hateful and rude to you, the behaviour to you I suspect is a bi-product of her state of mind, she could just be in the marriage with you, for financial support, I know of another case, where the couple are not together in his country after 2 years of marriage, what they are up to...and what is going through their minds I can only speculate, she might have thought that she can get obviously sustento from you, there could be a multitude of reasons why she is behaving this way, to be honest, I am not a Filipina Psychiatrist, but every thing they do and everything they say, follows some sort of personal agenda they have worked out, there is always a reason why they behave like this, you just need to get to the bottom of it, and get it out in the open, if you are lucky, one of her freinds will contact you and tell you.

solutions ?

Firstly I would not finance any application for a visa until this is sorted out, one way or the other, I can see your sincerity and you just want that nice loving wife you had in July, it could be though, that this lady was putting on an act during that time, and she is not the nice loving wife you thought, however, I would persist in your contact, try to get to speak to her, and say that her behaviour is not natural, and that any problem she has must be sorted out first, if she will not respond, I have to say there is little you can do to make her !

Sometimes time is the key and patience with her, may result in her coming back to you on the phone, or the net, and apologizing, she might then open up and tell you what her fears, or problem is, if she starts talking about money that can remedy her problem, forget it, she has shown her true colours, most of the Filipinas on this forum will tell you, she is a pure Gold digger, if she is rude to you, and then expects money to be sent, i.e. remittances, personally knowing myself, i would tell her to get ass out and get a job, if she wants money, I would then say this " Loving wifes who want husband support, are not rude, and can be contacted" stand your ground with her, be supportive, and understanding, but use empathy, and be firm, all this tittle tattle about, internet not beingh paid la di dah di dah, is absolute crap, if she wanted to talk to her husband, she would find a way, she can get to an internet cafe, so whats her problem,

I dont have all the answers you are looking for, the only thing that might help, is time, but no one anywhere can tell you what to do, its your decision, Im sure in time you will make the right one for you.

Best wishes

[KeithD]

Have you talked to her mother?

[Doc898]

My inlaws are HORRIFIED on the amount of money I spend on flights, hotels (beer haha). please remember the phil is a poor country, and you are a rich man.

My english husband knows how my mind works because im not hiding anything from him. He can definitely read my mind!
Philippines might be a poor country but also just to inform you that there are some rich families living here as well. It just so happened that maybe you met someone from a less fortunate family,that's why they're horrified how you're spending money.My parents were happy that my husband is spending so much money for me(flights,gifts,wedding) which only means he's responsible and can take care of me like my parents did,even if i can also support myself from my own income. We're just lucky,i guess!

[Doc898]

hi i dont know what to do anymore. ive been married 2 months and already things have deteriorated so far i'm losing hope. all i want to do is to start my wifes visa application,the problem is she says her harddrive was faulty and has got a new one....that means all our emails,chats are lost forever!!! since i got bck to the uk from marring her in june she has completly changed. she is uninterested in discussing any future plans and has even got aggresive with money requests. she frequently tells me she hates me and ignores calls,emails txts and offline msgs. i know about tampo's but it seems hate has replaced any love...im even wondering if shes a scammer!

Whoa! Im sorry to hear that...sounds like she found someone else..I agree to what peter have said. It's bizarre how she just changed like that after you just got married! You mentioned she's a single mum...is she a responsible mother? Does she look after her child? How does she support him/her? Are you supporting her child as well?Do you know why the biological father left her? I don't think she's being reasonable. From a woman's point of view,i think she's only using you to satisfy her wants..not needs! It's not worth selling your stuffs just for her. Ask her why she's being nasty. If it's because your proofs of relationship has been washed away by a "faulty harddrive", doesn't mean her little horns will suddenly grow like mad. It simply means,you're off...she's on to her next one..Please open your eyes WIDE!!
Sorry angelbird,im just being carried away! I don't like it when things like that happen to a "so-called-happy-and-loving" relationship that you thought it would be. She's not worth coming to the UK. That's all! :Brick:

And oh,maybe it's worth reading that article under Help and Advise- Discussion on the grounds of Legal Annulment.:xxgrinning--00xx3:

Kidding aside,I hope what's happening now between you and your wife will just be a bad dream. I wish you goodluck and hope everything will turn out well soon. Just Pray.

[jeida]

hi i dont know what to do anymore. ive been married 2 months and already things have deteriorated so far i'm losing hope. all i want to do is to start my wifes visa application,the problem is she says her harddrive was faulty and has got a new one....that means all our emails,chats are lost forever!!! since i got bck to the uk from marring her in june she has completly changed. she is uninterested in discussing any future plans and has even got aggresive with money requests. she frequently tells me she hates me and ignores calls,emails txts and offline msgs. i know about tampo's but it seems hate has replaced any love...im even wondering if shes a scammer!

I feel so sorry to what happened to your marriage life angelbird and its very sad it turned out that way. Im a filipina girl who just got married to my everloving british hubby and thank God we are so much ok. I know you just wanted to be with your wife as its very hard being far apart from the one you love. Did she already attend pre-departure seminar in SMEF-COW? What if she got scared or brainwashed on what she saw on the seminar (documentary film)? But i think its not a valid reason why she is acting that way. Why dont you talk to her and ask her whats wrong why she is acting that way.

Hope everything between you and your wife will be fine. Godbless you

[baboyako]

i think that may be a good point :Erm:

has she be brainwashed about the dungeon you've built for her? :xxmixed-smiley-017:

[KeithD]

I think Baboyako's 'Senior Member' status has resulted in Alzeimhers!!

[angelbird]

id like to thank everyone for their knowledgeable advise and comments. i guess only time will tell. i've made the decision to delete my yahoo messenger ID so at least she can no longer control the main means of our communication. i'll just email her daily and see what sort of response i get. i expect a major tampo because she loves to chat,even on a heated argument basis. obviously this move will answer no questions as to her change of attitude but it will help me cope with the possibility that she is just playin me for a fool.

ive decided not to visit her again (at least before visa decision is made), besides if she does have a filipino boyfriend or online boyfriends i would still never find that out just because i was there with her. even mentioning her past makes her crazy,the last time i did she packed her bags and went bck to pasay leaving me in makati...she's just not an open person. her friend says she will tell me all about her past in her own time. so i guess i'll have to blindly trust her to open up to me eventually.

i'm still madly inlove with rea and want her here as my wife more than anything in the world and i intend to live my life as a man simply waiting for his girl to join him. with that spirit in mind iv'e decided to send her money and compile wotever documents i need to send for the visa application ASAP.

maybe this is what she wanted/expected me to do all along,perhaps this is the real reason behind her attitude change? in any event i'll have to trust that she does actually apply. i think in our case,given our situation a less than perfect application (scanty evidence ect...) is better than a delayed one? i would much rather be posting questions about how to remedy a failed application with her by my side than discussing my marriage dissapearing down the *****er.

once again cheers to everyone......even baboyako for the light releif.

[russ01539]

Angelbird.

I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through now, but just remember 'there's always sunshine after rain'.

I hope everything works out for you on this. I have read the whole discussion and think you've come to to pretty good solutions to deal with your problem.

Good luck and take care.

PS. If I were you I'd flog the Porsche and get yourself an MR2 GT2 import from Japan, they're much more exciting and a lot quicker. hehehe

[KeithD]

even mentioning her past makes her crazy,the last time i did she packed her bags and went bck to pasay leaving me in makati

:cwm24: Blimey. Before even considering marriage to anyone I would want all there history, it's called being open and truthful with each other, the basic foundations for a marriage, and you haven't got them so no wonder it's rocky already.....and if any girl showed temper before I'd even got engaged, then she wouldn't be for me. Sulking yes, temper no.

If you don't know the past of someone, you can't hope to understand them.

[Eljohno]

It would certainly make me wonder Keith why someone was so adamant not to reveal their past.:Erm:

[ginapeterb]

id like to thank everyone for their knowledgeable advise and comments. i guess only time will tell. i've made the decision to delete my yahoo messenger ID so at least she can no longer control the main means of our communication. i'll just email her daily and see what sort of response i get. i expect a major tampo because she loves to chat,even on a heated argument basis. obviously this move will answer no questions as to her change of attitude but it will help me cope with the possibility that she is just playin me for a fool.

ive decided not to visit her again (at least before visa decision is made), besides if she does have a filipino boyfriend or online boyfriends i would still never find that out just because i was there with her. even mentioning her past makes her crazy,the last time i did she packed her bags and went bck to pasay leaving me in makati...she's just not an open person. her friend says she will tell me all about her past in her own time. so i guess i'll have to blindly trust her to open up to me eventually.

i'm still madly inlove with rea and want her here as my wife more than anything in the world and i intend to live my life as a man simply waiting for his girl to join him. with that spirit in mind iv'e decided to send her money and compile wotever documents i need to send for the visa application ASAP.

maybe this is what she wanted/expected me to do all along,perhaps this is the real reason behind her attitude change? in any event i'll have to trust that she does actually apply. i think in our case,given our situation a less than perfect application (scanty evidence ect...) is better than a delayed one? i would much rather be posting questions about how to remedy a failed application with her by my side than discussing my marriage dissapearing down the *****er.

once again cheers to everyone......even baboyako for the light releif.


Angelbird, I am dissapointed that you have decided to send your wife money, not dissapointed in you naturally, this is of course your own business and its true to say, this is your wife, none of us here at this forum, has the right to tell you what to do, that will always be your own decision, the reason for my dissapointment, is that you are fuelling her lifestyle just as she wants you to, if you send her money, she will simply spend the money, whether it goes on a visa application, based on what you have told me, I find it hard to beleive it will, I made a point of calling some of my Filipino freinds in London today, on your behalf, I put your story to 2-3 of my Filipino (male) freinds, they listened to your story, and told me, that is was more than likely, your wife has another man, although they could not be certain, as no one can be certain, they think she is playing you for sustento, ( maintenance) or baon ( allowance sent from a man), as long as you keep sending her an allowance, she will play you for a fool, the fact that she is being abusive and rude, is behaviour that fits with someone who has another man, and is taking you for money only, i think you should think very carefully before sending any money, and why would you close off your yahoo messenger Id, That makes no sense to me, if you do that, how is she supposed to contact you, and if you are so madly in love with her, and want her in UK, is that the right way to go about it, surely, you would want to keep the lines of communciation open, its only over a period of time that this might be sorted out, closing off yahoo, is not the way forward, closing off the baon, is a good step to get her to see reason, I cant quite understand what you are up to ?

oh well its your life

[Eljohno]

Thats why you are so popular pete because you are honest in what you say even if people do not accept it....

[ginapeterb]

Thank you for that John, you know what my motto is:

Learn first, fall in love later: or

Make sure brain is in head and not between legs.

Thats me...always tell it as it is, you take it or you leave it...

[angelbird]

wow...wot to do? my reason for cutting our internet chatting off is because it has become my prison. she wants me to stay online 24/7 cam open whether im at work or sleeping. if i get dc while im asleep or outside she will accuse me of logging out and chatting to others....she is obsessed with me chatting to others! she always has been. as a punishment for being dc she will log out for days at a time and refuse to answer email or txts,calls ect...i know this sounds very childish and for a 36 year old man like myself who had never chatted online untill the time i met my wife, i must say for me it is childish but for her its a major big deal. pete it is clear to me that my wife is no stranger to the world of chatting,she has admitted previous online relationships and i can tell that her chatting skills are well developed and her english usage online is far more developed than in person(this tells me she has chatted to english speakers regularly) i have actually had my suspicions that she has been chatting to others but she fiercly denies this even when she sent me a pic and the IM she sent was completly out of contxt with what our conversation was about.it was so obvious but she will go to her grave denying this. many times especially at weekends she will simply not be online even if we had arranged to be,no explanations or even apologies when she does come back. i have let her off the hook so many times for unexplained dissapearances that i guess she feels no need for any explanations. im cutting out chatting because its her power base over me i guess. if she really misses my company surely she will make the effort to write nice long heartfelt emails? thats part of the logic too. there's been too many occations driving home from work really looking forward to a nice chat with my wife and guess what.....she's logged off with not a single word. thats heartbreaking enough let alone the thought of another guy.

the reason for sending her money pete is simple...if she does'nt use the money for the application then its over,no excuses will be accepted. i'll send the documents to her and when she shows me she has received them i'll send her the money.....i am ready and prepared to leave her. i'm on red alert regarding everything.

i'm not ready to entertain the thought that she has a filipino bf lurking in the background but ive often wondered about her online activities. there is more than one pc in her appartment and ive always had a mental image of her and her housemates "playin around online fishing for....wotever?"

[Eljohno]

You need to understand that this has never once been about judging you mate. I have limited experience about the Philippines and the women and so has Pete but when you use this forum over a period of time you learn things. We are only saying what we see and if you are being taken for a ride we just do not want you to go through any more than what you have done already. I know you would admit that there are many question marks over your wife's behaviour. If you get to know anyone on this forum whos marriage is going very well you will see that their wife's behavior is totally different to what your wife is putting you through. For example when my wife and i arranged to chat online most times that is actually what happened and if one of us could not make it then we would always make this known. The fact is you do not deserve to be put through this at all.I know that you love her and that is in no doubt but that can cloud your decisions. Do you really think after everything that has happened that she will use the money for the reason you send it? Just keep a smart head about everything and i do honestly wish you all the best whatever you decide...:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[ginapeterb]

Angelbird,


I have read your post, and my good freind John's post, I can only echo his sentiments, in fact, he really is trying to say, that we all here at the Filipinouk forum are a family, we don't like to see our members taken for a fool, I can't help feeling that part of this is where you have become a beggar to your own demise, don't get me wrong, I do take issue with your choice of partner, if you didnt see any of the symptoms she is displaying, then she is a realy good actress, if its only after the honeymoon she did well, and should be nominated for an oscar for her outstanding contribution to scamphilworld.

But much of your previous post really tells me everything, I know a few filipinas who heard your story, who would like to ring her neck, her behaviour is not normal, and is not a loving act of a excited new wife who is ready to come and migrate to a new country to start a life with her "gwapo" British hubby who is going to give her the baby "White".

She should be ecstatic, enthusiastic, and eager to come over, she should be titilated at the thought, she would normally be boring the pants off anyone who would listen to her in the Barangay where she crawls back to at night, she will tell everyone, that she is going to UK, and she would be in eager anticipation of hope that she will get the visa, that will give her the passport to a better life.

Does that sound like your wife ?


Nope !!!

What do we have here with her, wont talk to you, hates you, argues with you, blanks you, goes off for days and wont log on, and wants you to be onine 24 hours a day so she can bite your head off for a little polite conversation and then you say "

"Oh honey , we have a problem, we need to apply for the UK Visa, and here is P27,000 for you to get it, if you dont get the visa, you wont get any more money"

I take my hat off to you angelbird, cos you have patience, if you had not married her, and she was coming on marriage visa, I would have advised you to drop this dead duck now and get back searching for a nice Filipina, hmmm there are thousands of them, hundreds of thousands actually, just waiting for a nice guy to come along, whom they can start a life with, and out of all the hundreds of thousands, you get stuck with this dead duck.

As you have married her, there isnt much you can do, and well she knows it, the only thing you can do is wait 12 months, and file a petition in your local court, on a DIY basis, for unreasonable behaviour, within 3 months, as no children and a foreign marriage certificate, you will be free to move on, having said that, if your earnest desire is to carry on trying, then good luck to you, I would love to have her shipped back to PHILIPPINES, but hey...she is already there...what am I talking about.

Good luck angel bird.

[willieboy]

Firstly angelbird let me say sorry for your predicament.i had a similar situation some years ago but the transformation happened before marriage had happened.But the wedding was arranged and i was due to return to the r.p in August.About six months before it all changed and some of the things you mentioned reminded me of it a lot.15 years on i am still no wiser as to what happened.I have since come across this situation a few times with friends of mine.But i also find it strange for the change to happen after marriage.I think some are missing the point that this could and probably does happen just as much with a British couple or other nationalities.Im not sure if i buy the pilipino boyfriend theory.For me its more likely to be another ferang,if anybody.
The question you have to ask yourself is which person is your wife?The person you fell in love with or the one she changed into.The tragedy is that it is very likely the latter or a combination of the two.I think there have been some great comments made already but the bottom line is you love your wife and we dont and of course you will follow your heart cos i believe most of us are like that, though some try play the cold-hearted,no feelings card.Im sure some will agree with me when i say we all have or had a friend who calls us up moaning that his or hers relationship is falling apart.As a friend we try to help giving practical advice and they say "you are so right".Do they really take it though?Of course not because they as the friend are not emotionally involved
and the heart generally rules the head.I can remember spending hours and days listening to brilliant advice over what a mess i was making of a relationship but i just didnt want to hear it and just messed up some more.I really hope it works out for you Angelheart,and you dont become an emotional wreck like me!You have probably just met the wrong girl.And that could have happened to any of us anywhere in the world.You sound like a great guy though and i have a feeling you will find true happiness at the end of the dark tunnel you find yourself in.Good luck.

[angelbird]

i'm phycologically prepared to to face the torment of never finding out the truth of wot has become of our relationship. in a sense thats worse than discovering that she has had a filipino bf all the while or cyber lover or was a scammer from the start. but if this is genuinely the end of the road then i would just rather excuse her with the possibility that she has simply fallen out of love with me. perhaps in her mind she needs this hatred of me to break free....who knows?

i beleive that love is akin to madness at times and mistakes are easily made. i certainly dont feel that i have made a mistake by marrying her. i've never been naive enough to believe that my wife is some sort of "cybervirgin" and i've always smilled to myself when she would promote in herself the things that she beleived western guys like in an asian girl (submissive,conservative blah,blah,blah...),whilst being coy about the implications of her being the eldest daughter,with a son ect...i see this as natural,to promote one's "best side" and downplay any percieved negatives.

in trying to understand my wifes recent behavior i think back to the week we spent at her family home in bislig,mindanao. the wedding had already been arranged and was only a week away. we were discussing our relationship and how our plans were coming together so smothely and we both confessed to each other that our greatest fear since we met was being taken for a fool. the truth is both of us conceived that the bubble could burst i guess,she even believed in her heart of hearts that after my first visit she would never see me again,that i would simply vanish into obscurity. i confessed too that i even had a contingincy plan in the event that she was'nt there to meet me at the airport...(cold feet) when i came to marry her in june. this sounds like a fundamental trust was lacking between us but i'd like to beleive that it was two minds aware of the sometimes fickle,fantasy led nature of a lot of cyber relationships where people do promise each other the world but dont deliver.in this context our marriage was like the world had been lifted from our shoulders. the commitment for life was in our hearts we could both feel that. and yes the honeymoon in boracay was heavenly bliss.

its natural for me to defend my wifes recent behavoir,i dont understand it but our relationship is very deep and well beyond the short time it has existed. let me just say this,for a girl aged 16 to arrive in manila from "the jungle" as she refers to her home town,to survive all these years outside of her family circle,being the eldest daughter(main bread winner),falling preggy and having a son to support,working in malaysia in crappy jobs ect,ect..maybe having her heart broken in a previous relationship online or otherwise, could it be possible that she is going through a massive emotional event that even she cannot understand? a sort of releif that she can for the first time in her life see the light at the end of the tunnel,that she does in fact have "a way out".....or am i just in love and think the sun shines out of her ass?



obviously my life has completly changed(for the better) since i met rea. yes i've sacrificed my social life to be with her online and yes ive sacrificed the job i loved to spend the months with her in ph. but moneywise ive sent her very little.

[jeida]

Firstly angelbird let me say sorry for your predicament.i had a similar situation some years ago but the transformation happened before marriage had happened.But the wedding was arranged and i was due to return to the r.p in August.About six months before it all changed and some of the things you mentioned reminded me of it a lot.15 years on i am still no wiser as to what happened.I have since come across this situation a few times with friends of mine.But i also find it strange for the change to happen after marriage.I think some are missing the point that this could and probably does happen just as much with a British couple or other nationalities.Im not sure if i buy the pilipino boyfriend theory.For me its more likely to be another ferang,if anybody.
The question you have to ask yourself is which person is your wife?The person you fell in love with or the one she changed into.The tragedy is that it is very likely the latter or a combination of the two.I think there have been some great comments made already but the bottom line is you love your wife and we dont and of course you will follow your heart cos i believe most of us are like that, though some try play the cold-hearted,no feelings card.Im sure some will agree with me when i say we all have or had a friend who calls us up moaning that his or hers relationship is falling apart.As a friend we try to help giving practical advice and they say "you are so right".Do they really take it though?Of course not because they as the friend are not emotionally involved
and the heart generally rules the head.I can remember spending hours and days listening to brilliant advice over what a mess i was making of a relationship but i just didnt want to hear it and just messed up some more.I really hope it works out for you Angelheart,and you dont become an emotional wreck like me!You have probably just met the wrong girl.And that could have happened to any of us anywhere in the world.You sound like a great guy though and i have a feeling you will find true happiness at the end of the dark tunnel you find yourself in.Good luck.

Yes i agree with you willieboy... Its easy for some people to say go find another woman coz theyre not the one who is envolved and it will takes time as he is madly inlove with the girl. Sometimes when heart is involve its hard to think what is right and what is wrong sad but true. And i dont believe in "learn first fall inlove later" thing its the other way around as you cant dictate your heart not to fall in love to that person coz you want to know him/her first. Sometimes you dont know why you love the person it just happened. I know God made the brain above the heart so the heart cant rules the head but...

Anyway i just wish angelbird the best. Hope everythings will be fine soon. Godbless you

[KeithD]

for a girl aged 16 to arrive in manila from "the jungle" as she refers to her home town,to survive all these years outside of her family circle,being the eldest daughter(main bread winner),falling preggy and having a son to support

I think this statement may set a few alarm bells with member's about her past :cwm3:

If it doesn't work out, make sure you have this thread printed off as evidence for a divorce in 11/12 months.

[Jay&Zobel]

Your situation sounds like every guys nightmares. but this whole thing comes down to you and her. i dont know the whole picture i dont know either of you. but in life people can and will take advantage how ever lovely they could seem.

I wouldnt stop contact with her reinstall YM, but basicly you need to take hold or your relationship. shes has full control over you. she knows how to get her own way. you need to basicly put all your points forward let her know everything but be bold and strong about it. the ultimate question is does she really love you. work on her find out things about her. if she doesnt answer the questions or is agressive go offline. then when u think shes had enuff time come back and leave ur YM on but dont be the first to msg. and if shes aggressive write something that that will get her attention and make her think.

You can only fix the relationship if both sides are willing to make it work. basicly if shes not going to give you anything. then youll need to really think that its no longer pursuing any more. theres always another chance for love and love is a 2way thing its not onesided.

just keep your chin up

and look ahead theres always a future.

Good luck

Jay


N.B.
We have changed our account name from remee_milano to Jay&Zobel. Thanks.

[willieboy]

i'm phycologically prepared to to face the torment of never finding out the truth of wot has become of our relationship. in a sense thats worse than discovering that she has had a filipino bf all the while or cyber lover or was a scammer from the start. but if this is genuinely the end of the road then i would just rather excuse her with the possibility that she has simply fallen out of love with me. perhaps in her mind she needs this hatred of me to break free....who knows?

i beleive that love is akin to madness at times and mistakes are easily made. i certainly dont feel that i have made a mistake by marrying her. i've never been naive enough to believe that my wife is some sort of "cybervirgin" and i've always smilled to myself when she would promote in herself the things that she beleived western guys like in an asian girl (submissive,conservative blah,blah,blah...),whilst being coy about the implications of her being the eldest daughter,with a son ect...i see this as natural,to promote one's "best side" and downplay any percieved negatives.

in trying to understand my wifes recent behavior i think back to the week we spent at her family home in bislig,mindanao. the wedding had already been arranged and was only a week away. we were discussing our relationship and how our plans were coming together so smothely and we both confessed to each other that our greatest fear since we met was being taken for a fool. the truth is both of us conceived that the bubble could burst i guess,she even believed in her heart of hearts that after my first visit she would never see me again,that i would simply vanish into obscurity. i confessed too that i even had a contingincy plan in the event that she was'nt there to meet me at the airport...(cold feet) when i came to marry her in june. this sounds like a fundamental trust was lacking between us but i'd like to beleive that it was two minds aware of the sometimes fickle,fantasy led nature of a lot of cyber relationships where people do promise each other the world but dont deliver.in this context our marriage was like the world had been lifted from our shoulders. the commitment for life was in our hearts we could both feel that. and yes the honeymoon in boracay was heavenly bliss.

its natural for me to defend my wifes recent behavoir,i dont understand it but our relationship is very deep and well beyond the short time it has existed. let me just say this,for a girl aged 16 to arrive in manila from "the jungle" as she refers to her home town,to survive all these years outside of her family circle,being the eldest daughter(main bread winner),falling preggy and having a son to support,working in malaysia in crappy jobs ect,ect..maybe having her heart broken in a previous relationship online or otherwise, could it be possible that she is going through a massive emotional event that even she cannot understand? a sort of releif that she can for the first time in her life see the light at the end of the tunnel,that she does in fact have "a way out".....or am i just in love and think the sun shines out of her ass?



obviously my life has completly changed(for the better) since i met rea. yes i've sacrificed my social life to be with her online and yes ive sacrificed the job i loved to spend the months with her in ph. but moneywise ive sent her very little.


Angelbird you are trying to make excuses for her behaviour and i totally understand that.Im sure there will be a time in the future when you will look back and realise this has been a massive learning curve and you will probably afford yourself a smile.This is the last thing you want to hear im sure.Of course you feel has changed your life for the better.You love her very much.Im sure you would be saying this if it had been somebody else.But there are so many other women who would not have treated you like this.Its a horrible feeling to love someone so much when deep in our heart we know they dont love us.And we tell ourselves that if we try even harder and love a bit more it will turn it around.But it never seems to happen like it does in the movies.I have read all the posts on this thread again and again and thats why this forum is so great.So many different personalities but they are all so important to make it work.The fantastic writings of my old mate PeteB to the wonderful humour of Baboyako and Keith.Without the humour where would we be?A lot worse off.Compassion to Angelheart.Power to the forum

[Jay&Zobel]

From Mr Pete: "..... I know a few filipinas who heard your story, who would like to ring her neck, her behaviour is not normal, and is not a loving act of a excited new wife who is ready to come and migrate to a new country to start a life with her "gwapo" British hubby who is going to give her the baby "White".

She should be ecstatic, enthusiastic, and eager to come over, she should be titilated at the thought, she would normally be boring the pants off anyone who would listen to her in the Barangay where she crawls back to at night, she will tell everyone, that she is going to UK, and she would be in eager anticipation of hope that she will get the visa, that will give her the passport to a better life.

Does that sound like your wife ? ...."



heheh yep Filipinas are so like that trust me!! masyadong excited ba?!! hehe


Zobel


N.B.

We have changed our account name from remee_milano to jay&zobel. Thanks

[andypaul]

Angelird

Im sorry to hear the problems your having, most of the chaps on this site have had before we got to know our wives better a little nagging thought in the back of her head is she really what she says she is? But people in the UK find out the lover they had in the UK was hiding things from them so its not just a uk-phill thing.

Don't what ever you do beat yourself up if your worst fears are proven true. You seem to be a good man and im sure a Lady out there is just waiting to be with you and share in a loving relationship with you.

[Welsh_Italian]

I thought I'd throw my oar in here! (I love mixing metaphors, lol!)

From my own experience, when a woman changes that suddenly and that radically, something large has altered in the relationship's dynamics. It is very possible she has someone else. From my own experience (Western women btw until now), suddenly getting the cold shoulder, short temper with everything I did, alternating extremes of rejection and desire for contact - it all adds up to one confused lady who is trying to change her feelings and inwardly feeling guilty because of it. The motivation for this usually comes from the idea of having someone new in their lives which is why I suspect she has someone else. She still loves you (if she didn't, she wouldn't talk at all), but having a new man puts her in a hard situation so she changes her feelings (unconciously) to hate you instead, but still wants contact.

This is a horrible situation and if it is so, my advice is to send her a dear john letter (but a mature reflective one that doesn't cast blame), and close all contact with her completely. If she wants out of your life, then she can have it - but it's her choice and there's no going back. It might be better to leave the door open ("if you really believe we can have something again, please, you must talk to me")

But as you said, the problem is not being able to know whether this is the case. She might just be angry that the two of you are married and you're not living together like most husbands and wives do. My own mahal was not happy with the idea of us getting married and me working abroad while she lived at home in the Phils, even if she stayed with her family and good money was coming in. She preferred that I worked over there and be relatively penniless, as long as we were together all the time. In fact, I believe she would prefer that to living over here in the UK or EU. The act of marriage to a lot of women implies a change in life from being BF/GF or even engaged.

But I'm also surprised that you're married when there are still important questions you need answered. Yes, she might tell you in her own time when she is ready, but when is that? You've both made a lifelong committment to each other now, and relationships involve give and take. Maybe she needs to realise that she needs to bite the bullet and trust you?

And of course, it could just be a tantrum - wanting to be appreciated as a wonderful wife and there's something that she feels you should be doing that just isn't obvious to you? Quite often, women communicate in ways that men just don't fully understand and she feels that she's given you lots of information but there is a block on both your communcations that's the real issue behind the trouble?

I would ask her directly. Tell her that you feel she is pushing you away from a loving relationship, you're confused about how she is acting, and how can you remedy this? If there is no response, then the relationship is already probably over and just going through the final painful death throes. If so, just finish it quickly. It's easier in the long run for you both. Don't try to pass blame, but just say words to the effect of: "sorry, but this just won't work any more. I hope you find what you're looking for".

If you do get an answer, you can use that to build on to change how you both interact - you can address her needs, she can address yours, and you can both agree to act differently in future when trying to resolve things.

btw - all of my relationships (bar the current one - ulp!) failed, sometimes painfully, so maybe I'm the wrong person to take advice from!

[CaptainSmirk]

when your wife asks you to send 500peso for a blood test to confirm that she's not preggy so she can safely start taking slimming pills in order to "make the money that im not sending her"...alarm bells start to sound! ive sent her £300 this month already...maybe shes just dramatic,hormonal or just plain bad? all i know is this is out of character and not the girl i married.


sorry to butt in...:yikes:

but I am a Filipina too and such actions (the girl's asking money etc) make me cringe! and somehow dislikes it when negative generalizations are drawn just because of one person's actions...

from the looks of it, yes...she is scamming you...:doh

i'd like to believe that genuine love transcends all barriers - thus, it should not be equated with how much or how less money you are able to send her...

being idealistic yes.

realistically...and we all know that...that many women (not just Filipinas) tend to look at the brighter future (the money is greener on the other side of the ocean)...

if genuine love is what you are after (the kind that will last) then listen to your heart and gut-feel...a woman asking money and then sulking if not given any isn't gonna last there for you "for better or for worse"

just my 2 centavos!:cwm34:

[ginapeterb]

Angelbird,

Thankfully my wife has now landed back in UK, and we discussed your situatiion, and she came up with a scenario perhaps as not been fully explored.

She thinks your wife does not wish to come to UK, she has decided that she likes Philippines so much, she would prefer the baon you are sending to her, and if you send her P30,000 a month, I am sure she will be happy with that, and then to have you come out, every so often to see her, that is my wifes opinion after reading your posts, and the various other ones.

Its worth thinking about !


Pete

[Jay&Zobel]

Angelbird,


She thinks your wife does not wish to come to UK, she has decided that she likes Philippines so much, she would prefer the baon you are sending to her, and if you send her P30,000 a month, I am sure she will be happy with that, and then to have you come out, every so often to see her, that is my wifes opinion after reading your posts, and the various other ones.

Its worth thinking about !


Pete




hmm what can u buy with Ph30,000 in UK? hehe maybe shes comparing it lol:yikes:

[willieboy]

Angelbird,

Thankfully my wife has now landed back in UK, and we discussed your situatiion, and she came up with a scenario perhaps as not been fully explored.

She thinks your wife does not wish to come to UK, she has decided that she likes Philippines so much, she would prefer the baon you are sending to her, and if you send her P30,000 a month, I am sure she will be happy with that, and then to have you come out, every so often to see her, that is my wifes opinion after reading your posts, and the various other ones.

Its worth thinking about !


Pete


I dont think thats the case.Surely if she wanted to stay in the Philippines and be sent money then she would treat Angelbird better.By being that nasty sooner rather than later hes going to say no more.Much better to be sweet and make a few excuses or tell angelbird she wants more time.By her behaviour its as if this is not the first time she has been in this position.I think there is a lot more to come out of this drama.

[ginapeterb]

I dont think thats the case.Surely if she wanted to stay in the Philippines and be sent money then she would treat Angelbird better.By being that nasty sooner rather than later hes going to say no more.Much better to be sweet and make a few excuses or tell angelbird she wants more time.By her behaviour its as if this is not the first time she has been in this position.I think there is a lot more to come out of this drama.

There probably is a lot more to come Will, however, think about it, ok she is being abusive, but it seems she does not want to come ! I think she does want to stay in Phils and get allowances, some do that, I know of one couple who lives like that, but who knows whats in her mind, only she does, there is only 2 evidenced based facts that comes out of this story.


1. She wants money

2. She doesnt want to come to UK.


Put those 2 facts of evidence together, and what conclusion can you draw, its this, she wants to stay in Phils and receive money,

I rest my case...

[janice]

I really feel sorry about what happened to your marriage angelbird. Can i asked? Hehe. She already has one kid, right? Maybe she's also worried about leaving her kid alone in the Philippines when she can't bring the kid with her into the UK. Try ask her about that. Take care angelbird. God will always be there to guide you especially in your situation now. Just trust Him and He will provide you the answers. God bless!

[Doc898]

There probably is a lot more to come Will, however, think about it, ok she is being abusive, but it seems she does not want to come ! I think she does want to stay in Phils and get allowances, some do that, I know of one couple who lives like that, but who knows whats in her mind, only she does, there is only 2 evidenced based facts that comes out of this story.


1. She wants money

2. She doesnt want to come to UK.


Put those 2 facts of evidence together, and what conclusion can you draw, its this, she wants to stay in Phils and receive money,

I rest my case...


I second the motion! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

I don't think she's worried about not bringing her kid to the UK since it was mentioned her parent's are taking care of him at the moment. And besides if she really wanted to be with her husband, there's always a way to do it no matter how difficult it takes. :Brick:

[tmiked]

I would give this motion a third.

The facts listed could apply whether or not she has another bf (pinoy or farang).

[willieboy]

There probably is a lot more to come Will, however, think about it, ok she is being abusive, but it seems she does not want to come ! I think she does want to stay in Phils and get allowances, some do that, I know of one couple who lives like that, but who knows whats in her mind, only she does, there is only 2 evidenced based facts that comes out of this story.


1. She wants money

2. She doesnt want to come to UK.


Put those 2 facts of evidence together, and what conclusion can you draw, its this, she wants to stay in Phils and receive money,





I cant agree.If we read all that Angelbird has written then it also a fact that she is treating him worse than an enemy and this is her husband.So she probably married him because thats what he really wanted.What will tell us everything is rea,s history.Of course she wants money.who doesnt?She doesnt want to come to the u.k now but most likely she did at one time.When it comes to the money issue she is no different from any of my girlfriends/wives.They were generally nice to me though.She is biting the hand that feeds her and thats the one i cant work out.Angelbird has gone missing.Who will give me 6 to 4 that shes on the way to r.p?(Allright Keith 11 to 8)

[baboyako]

:Erm: wassat in decimal odds :Erm:

[KeithD]

Who will give me 6 to 4 that shes on the way to r.p?(Allright Keith 11 to 8)
RP - Racing Post :Erm:

I'd offer 4/5 each of two;
It ends happily
or
It doesn't :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[tommyw]

What a terrible mess this guy's in. I really feel sorry for him. and because of that I find it strange that people can joke about the situation.
I have met 100's of genuine Filipinas, and NONE would behave in this way!
Or even approaching this behaviour. Angelbird, it's up to you how much you want to take of this, but each time your self esteem will get lower.
The clean cut heals quicker. If you keep picking away at a wound it will fester! I sincerely hope you resolve this sooner rather than later.
PS, please don't let this put you off Filipinas. There are plentyof genuine, sincere , loving females out there and you are still young.
Please don't settle for second best again, think positive. Good luck.
Tommy and Lyn.

[MC79]

im so sorry to hear that unfortunetly there are some women who just look for men on sites to marry as a quick way to get to London im filipino myself but born here in London and this is not the first ive heard of this. For your own sake do not send her anymore money till you see & feel a difference. That little voice you hear sometimes in your head dont ignore it thats the advise i can give you. @ the end of the day its only you who can make the decsion. If you need someone to talk to just buzz me on this takecare of yourself x

[jeffro]

This is a very sad and sorrowful situation and could put some men off having relationships with filipinas period!! Having said that,some girls here in the Uk are far worse,and the same applies to every nation and creed.Divorce here in the UK is at an all time high,and its easy too see why as good old fashioned morals are in decline,and adultery is at an all time high ,as is the craving for wealth and self ego/ importance.I feel so so sorry for you ,yes theres terrible poverty in the Philippines and many other parts of the world,and no one can blame many for wanting a better and more secure life here in the Uk and elsewhere,but i think this girl has treat you like a doormat and shabby is an understatement,and im truly sorry for you as any other decent person would be.I hope your heart can heal ,it will take time,and just take a day at a time ,and please try not to judge every filipina girl the same,because there are so many who are so kind and sweet and truly so loving and caring.I would be devastated having gone what you have been through,but please others care,,,and its an old saying but as one door closes another opens,and time is the healer for most of lifes heartaches.I hope you can find peace and happiness as time passes ,and meet the girl who will give you the love and respect you deserve .
Jeff n Maria.
Ps ,there is a massive social decline here in the UK,and is it any wonder that many dont want to move over here,the inner citys are very unsafe.Its not Great Brittain any more,its a jungle,and a very frightening one.

[Peanutz]

If there is a problem there is a cause...
In your case, I think you are really in a mess, if you don't put things on it's right way then most probably you will end up in a very stressful and painful situation. Like most of the members have already said here, her actions is not likely of a person who is inlove. Get it sort out as soon as you can, and sorry to ask you, you married a girl without even knowing her past?
Now that is too late to be answered. Clean the mess and make her realize that you are not a stupid white man.
No one is to blame but yourself...

[KeithD]

Thread date Sept 06!!!!

[aromulus]

Thread date Sept 06!!!!


:NoNo::NoNo::NoNo: :doh:doh DOH.....!!!!!!!!!!!

:icon_lol:

[jeffro]

Thread date Sept 06!!!!

mm :rolleyes::censored:,well i hope everything is ok now :),has anyone heard??

[gracia143]

Thread date Sept 06!!!!

Where is angelbird now? I feel sad for him...

[allyn]

hi there!!! im sorry for whats goin on with your marriage....
i just want to share a piece of my thoughts

me and my husband just got married last march,,,before and after our wedding we already have some nasty arguments but it doesnt stop our wedding,,,he still marry me (lucky me ) :)

when we were able to sit down and talk about things ,,,he told me that im not the desame girl he went and visit in hongkong,,,the friendly,,happy, smiley worry free girl.......he also told me that he understand what happen to me....because after i lost my job in hongkong i became irritable, sensitive and i became more cry baby than before but he said he still love me,,,,
i admit...i totally change.....because i have responsibility and i had family issue....make me explode and gramble for a single problem that came.....
My husband support me emotionaly and financialy on what ever or where ever ago... even before and after we got married...
after he went back to uk we keep in touch throu emails,,,calls and ym chats....even tho most of the time my computer hang up on the time we are chatting,,,it was able to survive until i was able to print some of our ym converstion....

being alone back here in the philippines with family issue is not a happy moments...makes me depress all the time,,,i hate it when i argue with my husband online because i know im not being fare to him by giving him worries and depression....i feel bad when i do that..i love my husband so much and sometime he think that he is not doing enough because im getting depress everyday( wich is not true,,,because he did every thing for me...and i love him so much and appreciate all he do)...i miss him so bad and domestic problem in our house makes me depress and sensitive all the time....

reading your letter makes me feel bad,,,i suddently ask my self if im a scam?...
i dont have job,,,and since i lost my job he is been the one supporting me, he is not rich, but he tried so hard to support me in anyway that he can,,,an i appreciate it so much...
i hope my husband doesnt feel desame the way that you do to your wife....
i hope your wife will realize how much she is hurting you....
and i hope you two will be able to fix your problem soon...

good luck

[angelbird]

hi, back from the abyss.....

well, she's now here in the uk and (we) are 12 weeks preggy!!!

the problem was this ...... after we got married she believed/expected that we would simpy apply for a spousal visa and start our new life here in the uk. i dragged my feet (waiting for the right time) and made her look like a *$^" in front of her friends and family (or so she thought).

i submitted the application for her visa shortly after my last post and was convinced it would fail (negative&paranoid lol) but it was given the green light and now we can laugh at those bad times (i did spank her **** hard thou on our first night in the uk).

i love her for who she is and she loves me for who i am. thank christ we sensed something in each other that was real otherwise the strain of the visa app would of ripped us apart for sure...

now my wife is lonely and bored. hmmmm "wot to do"?

[andypaul]

Congrats on the news both visa and little one.


I think a lot of phills find it hard to comprenhend how long it takes for the visa application to process. Its much harder i think for a phill as they even if they win the lottery can't just fly over to see their mahal on a whim.

Thats why it is important to try and ask your phill partner to join up or at least read sites like these to actually find out how long it takes not hear about the lady who knows the balut salemans who 20 years ao went to the UK the day after getting married, or has a cousin who went to some other country where the visa process is different for whatever reason.

Angelbird maybe worth stating where you are based and ask the missus to come on here and speak to others in a similar situation.

Looking for a job might be out of the question at the moment with the little one on the way. But study is not and will help.

Also she needs to compile the file for ilr with all the evidence and get everything prepared for the baby.

Great to hear things turned out ok

[Shifty-Sidney]

Nice one! a happy ending! - Its good to hear everything is sorted and you are both ok now. have a wonderful life together and please appreciate what you have. mark

[gracia143]

Big sigh! Glad it all went well in the end...I can relate to what she felt too...came back from London October of last year, didn't waste a day and had to see my Lawyer. Got the annulment process rolling and had positive decision in just 5 months. Did the leg work and had all the documents in my hands & beating the records. I thought that was it. So excited to file the visa application but to my disappointment Trev hasn't got his documents sorted out (that was what I believe as he wasn't telling me what was really lacking). I thought he was tarrying and I even thought he kind of lost interest on me. I was really like :cwm23: so I phoned him early morning 5am, 12noon my end. "Honey, I need more sleep, can we go online in 3 hours time?". I hang up, need to think. Phoned him again and this time I did not allow him to say even a single word, I blurted out, "Ok, let's just finish all my phone credit, after this don't look for me online later or ever again. I'll throw the laptop outside the window and my mobile phone," and he was saying," no, no, am jumping off of bed and be there straight-away, pls don't do that". I wasn't bluffing, I felt so tired and shaking and I meant what I said if he didn't come and talk to me online. He explained to me he was still waiting for his bank account to look healthy which I understand. Have submitted the application and just waiting for the result. That's my story guys...I know how your lady felt and sometimes you do say stupid things when you are stressed out (especially when it's about the visa). Annielyn and Joy and the rest of the ladies here understands that too. Sorry for the long post Admin.:D