a very intresting surprice situation...didnt see it coming...

[allyn]

my hubby want me to go back to the philippines for a atleast a year so he can paid off his debt and then when he is stable enough he is going to take me back here in uk...:Erm:

i was speachless at first when i heard this...

didnt see it coming,,,,i thought we are going to move out, but all of a sudden im being ship back:cwm24:

he said i dont get along with his family, and i hate them, and its exhausting him...

i tried to change his mind that i can work and help him up, that everything will be solve coz there is two of us working but he said he cant afford to rent another flat with me until he is financially stable...:cwm24:

dont know what to think, i cant really think what im going to do next...
i love my husband so much im scared to loose him...
but he already made up his mind that i should just stay in the philippines when i went there this coming april...:bigcry:

dont get me wrong i do understand him, i understand his decision but does he really need to get rid of me...am i really that a burden...??? i thought im helping him with our bills and whenever he needs financially,,,,but im not...

im going to loose my husband soon...
and i cant do anything about it....im going to be dump...
ouch:bigcry:

[KeithD]

.....dont get me wrong i do understand him, i understand his decision but does he really need to get rid of me.....
Nobody who is happily married sends their wife away!! :Erm: A marriage if for two, through good times, bad times, and times with an idiot like me :Cuckoo:

If he's not going with you then he's not expecting to ever see you again.

[maria_and_matt]

maybe he thinks he is doing the right thing, but for me i think that you should stay together, as you said you are willing to work to help him out with the debts. and if ever you go back home, dont think that he has dumped you, maybe he is just doing this to protect you. talk to him, tell him of your fears, let him understand. i hope that you can both stay together, in sickness and in health, in richer or for poorer, right? goodluck to you.

[maria_and_matt]

Nobody who is happily married sends their wife away!! :Erm: A marriage if for two, through good times, bad times, and times with an idiot like me :Cuckoo:

If he's not going with you then he's not expecting to ever see you again.


hahahahaha, i am sure you are lovely!

[triple5]

agree with Keith, sounds like his cowardly way of finishing it and choosing his family over you. Thats how it sounds from what you've said here and in previous posts.

[allyn]

maybe he thinks he is doing the right thing, but for me i think that you should stay together, as you said you are willing to work to help him out with the debts. and if ever you go back home, dont think that he has dumped you, maybe he is just doing this to protect you. talk to him, tell him of your fears, let him understand. i hope that you can both stay together, in sickness and in health, in richer or for poorer, right? goodluck to you.

hello!!!
thanks for the reply to my post...
i understand , you have a point but i have tried to explain things to him but he have made up his mind...i understand my husband reason, i know he just want me to be in a safe place he know i can be..
i also told him im scared to loose him...
but he already made up his mind, he think its the only way...
but going back int he philippines means giving him up, and my job and starting from nothing again....

just dont know what to do next...:Erm::Erm:

at the moment im just brasing my self on what going to happend tomoro or the next day... :Brick:

[allyn]

thanks guys for replying in my post...

at the moment im trying to put my self together and brace my self for tomorrow or the next day...:Brick:

[joebloggs]

my hubby want me to go back to the philippines for a atleast a year so he can paid off his debt and then when he is stable enough he is going to take me back here in uk...:Erm:


he said i dont get along with his family, and i hate them, and its exhausting him...

i tried to change his mind that i can work and help him up, that everything will be solve coz there is two of us working but he said he cant afford to rent another flat with me until he is financially stable...:cwm24:



get a job, you must be able to earn more in the uk than in the phils, so how sending you back to the phils going to save him money :Erm:

how long have you been in the uk allyn ??

maybe the real reason is 'he said i dont get along with his family, and i hate them, and its exhausting him..'

i've got money problems, but my misses is not going anywhere, no way after everything we went thru over the last 10yrs :NoNo:

maybe he needs financial advice, lots of places he can get it, but i hope that's his real reason for wanting you to go back, and not because of his family..

[Fitzy]

hello!!!
thanks for the reply to my post...
i understand , you have a point but i have tried to explain things to him but he have made up his mind...i understand my husband reason, i know he just want me to be in a safe place he know i can be..
i also told him im scared to loose him...
but he already made up his mind, he think its the only way...
but going back int he philippines means giving him up, and my job and starting from nothing again....

just dont know what to do next...:Erm::Erm:

at the moment im just brasing my self on what going to happend tomoro or the next day... :Brick:

I know this is a very painful time for you here my dear.
DON'T let him send you back, because he does not have the right!!
Trust me on this!!
You say you are Married?
Sorry to ask, but how long have you been married??? Do you have your ILR?

Go ASAP to your Citizens Advice, and ask them to help you.

Don't let the **** dump you like an unwanted pet.

I have very powerful friends in Immigration, and trust me!! He can't do this to you.


PM me please ASAP.

I can ask them for advice if necessary?


Do not let him bully you.:NoNo:

Hearing this saddens me much, and angers me:angry:


God bless, and be strong.

[Fitzy]

get a job, you must be able to earn more in the uk than in the phils, so how sending you back to the phils going to save him money :Erm:

how long have you been in the uk allyn ??

maybe the real reason is 'he said i dont get along with his family, and i hate them, and its exhausting him..'

i've got money problems, but my misses is not going anywhere, no way after everything we went thru over the last 10yrs :NoNo:

maybe he needs financial advice, lots of places he can get it, but i hope that's his real reason for wanting you to go back, and not because of his family..

I wonder if she has her ILR yet Joe??
Even if not, the ******** can't do this!!!!
I'll be talking to my BIA friends at work tomorrow when I start my shift!!
This should be interesting?
We don't understand her situation fully as yet, but it looks like a case of **** off, coz i don't want you anymore to me.
I have seen it all to often:NoNo:

[Steve.r]

This really saddens me too. When you love someone completely and get treated like this it makes me so mad. As Fitzy says, speak to the CAB as soon as possible, you cannot just be dumped because of his whim or that he loves his family more than you.......whatever next. :NoNo:

Stay strong Allyn, I am sure everyone here feels for you, dont let this guy put you on a plane home.

Steve

[joebloggs]

I wonder if she has her ILR yet Joe??
Even if not, the ******** can't do this!!!!
I'll be talking to my BIA friends at work tomorrow when I start my shift!!
This should be interesting?
We don't understand her situation fully as yet, but it looks like a case of **** off, coz i don't want you anymore to me.
I have seen it all to often:NoNo:

if she hasn't got ILR then he can do it, it's happened b4 to others, but i don't remember it happening to anyone on this forum :Erm:

if he doesn't support and sign her ilr app then there is little or nothing she can do but leave b4 her visa expires.(unless shes a victim of domestic violence - from what allyn has said it's not)

[Peanutz]

if she hasn't got ILR then he can do it, it's happened b4 to others, but i don't remember it happening to anyone on this forum :Erm:

if he doesn't support and sign her ilr app then there is little or nothing she can do but leave b4 her visa expires.(unless shes a victim of domestic violence - from what allyn has said it's not)


I'm sorry to hear about this Allyn, it must be very difficult for you.

I would suggest that you talk with your husband seriously, tell him that your life will not be better staying in Phil. Ask him if he wants to finish your relationship then it's fine you let him free and do what he wants but ask him to help you with your ILR so you will be able to stay here and maybe help your family back in PI (I don't know the reality of your situation). You can move out on your own find a stable job and start a life on your own.

I know that it will be hard, but I suggest that you convince him to help you and that you will not be a burden for him.

I hope this helps...I'm really sad to hear about your situation.

[Fitzy]

This really saddens me too. When you love someone completely and get treated like this it makes me so mad. As Fitzy says, speak to the CAB as soon as possible, you cannot just be dumped because of his whim or that he loves his family more than you.......whatever next. :NoNo:

Stay strong Allyn, I am sure everyone here feels for you, dont let this guy put you on a plane home.

Steve

Right on Steve.

I'll be speaking with my mates in Immigration tomorrow:angry:
If she it legally Married, then he can do nothing to her!
In fact, she can register home rights interest on the property if he owns it.
Will stop him from evicting her, and even selling it without her consent.
Sometimes people really annoy me at times

[Fitzy]

I'm sorry to hear about this Allyn, it must be very difficult for you.

I would suggest that you talk with your husband seriously, tell him that your life will not be better staying in Phil. Ask him if he wants to finish your relationship then it's fine you let him free and do what he wants but ask him to help you with your ILR so you will be able to stay here and maybe help your family back in PI (I don't know the reality of your situation). You can move out on your own find a stable job and start a life on your own.

I know that it will be hard, but I suggest that you convince him to help you and that you will not be a burden for him.

I hope this helps...I'm really sad to hear about your situation.


Very good reply, I must say.

If he has a shread of decency, he'll help her with that!

[joebloggs]

I'm sorry to hear about this Allyn, it must be very difficult for you.

I would suggest that you talk with your husband seriously, tell him that your life will not be better staying in Phil. Ask him if he wants to finish your relationship then it's fine you let him free and do what he wants but ask him to help you with your ILR so you will be able to stay here and maybe help your family back in PI (I don't know the reality of your situation). You can move out on your own find a stable job and start a life on your own.

I know that it will be hard, but I suggest that you convince him to help you and that you will not be a burden for him.

I hope this helps...I'm really sad to hear about your situation.

if their marriage is over and he helps her get ILR then they will be obtaining it by deception, and it could be revoked, thou it would be difficult to prove if they were still living together, and people have done this in the past..

all comes down to whether it is money problems he wants her to go back to the phils or does he want to end the marriage? I suppose you need to find out the real reason why he wants you to go to the phils allyn, and then decide your next step ..

[Peanutz]

if their marriage is over and he helps her get ILR then they will be obtaining it by deception, and it could be revoked, thou it would be difficult to prove if they were still living together, and people have done this in the past..

all comes down to whether it is money problems he wants her to go back to the phils or does he want to end the marriage? I suppose you need to find out the real reason why he wants you to go to the phils allyn, and then decide your next step ..

He is sending her home with the excuse of him being in debt and she doesn't get along with his family (I just read her post where her father inlaw slap her at the back of her head and gave her a kick on behind, this is humilating!!!).
They can help each other if the problem is money then she can help him to pay his debt and him can help her get her ILR. The point here is how she can stay here and be able to help her family back in PI.

What a situation Allyn...I hope you can overcome all this.

[Fitzy]

if their marriage is over and he helps her get ILR then they will be obtaining it by deception, and it could be revoked, thou it would be difficult to prove if they were still living together, and people have done this in the past..

all comes down to whether it is money problems he wants her to go back to the phils or does he want to end the marriage? I suppose you need to find out the real reason why he wants you to go to the phils allyn, and then decide your next step ..

All very valid points.
My Peruvian ex has her ILR!
Without it its a problem.

We're all here for you Allyn

[Peanutz]

It will not be a deception if he help Allyn to have her ILR they are still married, and if there is still a little bit of humanity left in this man's heart he should consider what kind of future her wife will going to have back in PI...They will just help each other to do what is best for them...They are still legally married and they are facing a marriage crisis...they can still get a good thing out of it by helping each other...

:NoNo:

[filipina_owl]

I agree with win2win, joe and fitzy. I think your husband wants to get rid of you allyn...Its like a force eviction. Why dont you ask him frankly, if he still loves you and cares for you sincerely? Because if he does, there is no reason for him to send you back to philippines. I think he is just making excuses to dump you, thats what i think... :doh:angry:

[joebloggs]

It will not be a deception if he help Allyn to have her ILR they are still married, and if there is still a little bit of humanity left in this man's heart he should consider what kind of future her wife will going to have back in PI...They will just help each other to do what is best for them...They are still legally married and they are facing a marriage crisis...they can still get a good thing out of it by helping each other...

:NoNo:

The relationship must be subsisting at the time you apply for ILR, and you must both intend to continue live together in the future.
:NoNo:

[South-east boy]

Sorry to hear this news Allyn, you've had a really tough time of it recently. Do you work full-time or part-time? If full time, how is sending you back going to help him as with working full-time you would have been giving him money towards the bills. Or will he be moving out of the flat to be with his parents? Wasn't his brother living with you too and giving rent? If not anymore couldn't he get another lodger? I would have though living in a flat with his wage, your wage and rent from his brother/another lodger, surely he could be able to get by? If you are working part-time, would you be able to work full time or find another part-time job? Like Joe said, if couples love each other, they try to work together in good & bad times and do whatever it takes to stay together. Do you have any friends that you could stay with rather than going back to Phils?

[Fitzy]

I agree with win2win, joe and fitzy. I think your husband wants to get rid of you allyn...Its like a force eviction. Why dont you ask him frankly, if he still loves you and cares for you sincerely? Because if he does, there is no reason for him to send you back to philippines. I think he is just making excuses to dump you, thats what i think... :doh:angry:

It really really is so very very sad:bigcry:
All I can say is, that if I brought someone here, I would love her, and take care of, and protect her, no matter what.

Like I said, we're all here for you hon!

[Peanutz]

The relationship must be subsisting at the time you apply for ILR, and you must both intend to continue live together in the future.
:NoNo:

I understand that Joe...but in exceptional ciscumstances... laws doesn't mirror the reality of our lives...

[Fitzy]

I understand that Joe...but in exceptional ciscumstances... laws doesn't mirror the reality of our lives...

Actually, working at the Airport, I would normally agree with Joe, but in this case, I agree totally with you Peanutz.
On face value of course, from what Allyn says.
Seems like Hubby is acting kinda childish to me.:NoNo:

[Peanutz]

Actually, working at the Airport, I would normally agree with Joe, but in this case, I agree totally with you Peanutz.
On face value of course, from what Allyn says.
Seems like Hubby is acting kinda childish to me.:NoNo:

Allyn's situation makes me really think...

In this circumstances a foreigner husband/wife actually doesn't have a right?


So if a UK national has decided that his/her wife is not good enough then she/he can dump her/him back wherever she came from?

Where's our rights in here? Where do we stand? Is this the system we are living in? Is this the system where my money goes?

[joebloggs]

I understand that Joe...but in exceptional ciscumstances... laws doesn't mirror the reality of our lives...

but that is the reality, 'The relationship must be subsisting at the time you apply for ILR, and you must both intend to continue live together in the future.'

but as others have said, maybe they should try relate or some other marriage guidance organisation to try and solve the problems, if not get legal advice from her local law centre or cab.

from what you posted about her father in law, maybe if she has suffered abuse or threats from her husband ??? then maybe a possible claim for domestic violence, or discretionary leave, but i doubt it ..

[Peanutz]

Oh help me God if this happened to me...
My husband has no idea what he got in to marrying ME!:icon_lol:

I will not deviate the real focus in here...It's not about me...

Allyn's situation is really something to give a thought...Although it is not the best solution to get her husband convince to help her get her ILR before he dump her...I dread to think of the other option...

[joebloggs]

Allyn's situation makes me really think...

In this circumstances a foreigner husband/wife actually doesn't have a right?


So if a UK national has decided that his/her wife is not good enough then she/he can dump her/him back wherever she came from?

Where's our rights in here? Where do we stand? Is this the system we are living in? Is this the system where my money goes?


your husband is your sponsor, and effectively he's withdrawing his support if he says the marriage is over and will not sign her ilr app.

that's why the wife should apply for ilr asap, to protect herself and her rights to remain in the UK, many if not all have left their home they grew up in,to come and make a new start in the UK and now the UK is their home.

if she had a child that could help her case..

2 yrs on a spouse visa you can apply for ilr, but those married to a European in the uk you need to be married at least 3yrs and at least the final year you needed to have lived in the uk, and you need help from your ex (which many refuse to do) if you want to stay in the uk should your marriage break up.

[joebloggs]

My husband has no idea what he got in to marrying ME!:icon_lol:


you can't be worse than my wife :D
:doh

:NoNo:

[Peanutz]

[QUOTE=joebloggs;202746]your husband is your sponsor, and effectively he's withdrawing his support if he says the marriage is over and will not sign her ilr app.

You know what...this rule or whatever you call it is actually depriving a person of any rights. Just because a sponsor whether it's husband or wife has decided that his/her wife/husband is not good enough then he/she can withdraw the sponsorship leaving the person on his/her own fate.

I'm afraid to say but all I can think of now is...this is an unequal treatment.

[Tonet]

No need to worry about asking the hubby's help for ILR as she already has

http://filipinaroses.com/showthread.php?t=18527

I just hope that she would for once stand up for herself and say "enough" because it looks like her hubby is not gonna do it for her.
Say to him "NO i'm not going back to Philippines, if you dont want to keep me i'll look after myself"

[joebloggs]

No need to worry about asking the hubby's help for ILR as she already has

http://filipinaroses.com/showthread.php?t=18527

I just hope that she would for once stand up for herself and say "enough" because it looks like her hubby is not gonna do it for her.
Say to him "NO i'm not going back to Philippines, if you dont want to keep me i'll look after myself"

:xxgrinning--00xx3: well spotted Tonet :xxgrinning--00xx3:

then what allyn does is up to her now :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Peanutz]

No need to worry about asking the hubby's help for ILR as she already has

http://filipinaroses.com/showthread.php?t=18527

I just hope that she would for once stand up for herself and say "enough" because it looks like her hubby is not gonna do it for her.
Say to him "NO i'm not going back to Philippines, if you dont want to keep me i'll look after myself"

Oh Tonet! That makes her situation easier...and I can go to sleep now...:)
Whew...I was a little bit worried there...

She needs to think for herself now...ALLYN! You have lots of work to do...get yourself ready cause it will not be a joy ride.

[joebloggs]

[QUOTE=joebloggs;202746]your husband is your sponsor, and effectively he's withdrawing his support if he says the marriage is over and will not sign her ilr app.

You know what...this rule or whatever you call it is actually depriving a person of any rights. Just because a sponsor whether it's husband or wife has decided that his/her wife/husband is not good enough then he/she can withdraw the sponsorship leaving the person on his/her own fate.

I'm afraid to say but all I can think of now is...this is an unequal treatment.



you might mean article 8, human rights, but the HO can say there is nothing to stop her living back in the phils

[Peanutz]

you can't be worse than my wife :D
:doh

:NoNo:

Hahahah!:icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol:

[joebloggs]

[QUOTE=Peanutz;202749]

you might mean article 8, human rights, but the HO can say there is nothing to stop her living back in the phils

but that dont matter now. allyn has ilr :D

[Peanutz]

[QUOTE=Peanutz;202749]

you might mean article 8, human rights, but the HO can say there is nothing to stop her living back in the phils


I guess...but do you think this is morally acceptable? We all know why people from poor countries migrates in western countries...Do they actually look at the person as a human being that desires to have a better future?

I guess it's better to drop my political views here...as there is no win win situation when it comes in to this kind of topic.

[pennybarry]

my hubby want me to go back to the philippines for a atleast a year so he can paid off his debt and then when he is stable enough he is going to take me back here in uk...:Erm:

i was speachless at first when i heard this...

didnt see it coming,,,,i thought we are going to move out, but all of a sudden im being ship back:cwm24:

he said i dont get along with his family, and i hate them, and its exhausting him...

i tried to change his mind that i can work and help him up, that everything will be solve coz there is two of us working but he said he cant afford to rent another flat with me until he is financially stable...:cwm24:

Cheer up! Think about yourself now!

dont know what to think, i cant really think what im going to do next...
i love my husband so much im scared to loose him...
but he already made up his mind that i should just stay in the philippines when i went there this coming april...:bigcry:

dont get me wrong i do understand him, i understand his decision but does he really need to get rid of me...am i really that a burden...??? i thought im helping him with our bills and whenever he needs financially,,,,but im not...

im going to loose my husband soon...
and i cant do anything about it....im going to be dump...
ouch:bigcry:

Hi Allyn, If I am in your shoes, I will dump him before he dump you.
Be strong because you can do it! :NoNo:
I don't know how long is your patience but we, as wife we must have limitations.
Tell him you need a cool off whilst he thinking about his plans. Leave him for a moment. I know someone who needs a friend to share in her flat, pm me. I have a friend at 52, single and can accommodate you. Less problem about the job if you can work at carehomes, as she can help you like what she did to other filipinos.

[Sim11UK]

alyn your latest news, is really worrying me now.
It seems to be one thing after another. :NoNo: Seems like you have no support from his useless family. :NoNo:

I would take pennybarry's advice, PM her.

[joebloggs]

alyn your latest news, is really worrying me now.
It seems to be one thing after another. :NoNo:

it's called living, your run of bad luck will not last for ever, one day and one step at a time Allyn


but if he wants out, get away and take penny advice, and move in with her friend, and see how things go :rolleyes:

[KeithD]

:Erm: Now I'm good at maths but sending you back doesn't add up!!

He's going to have to send you a few hundred each month to support you anyway, as you need to help support your family once you are back there as you will be a 'guest'.

And what if you get ill or have an accident? Will hubby be sending the £1000's to pay for the medical bills? Will he be travelling out to see his beautiful and loving wife for £1000's? I'd say the answer is NO to both questions.

Time you put the fear of God up him, and tell him you need to get divorced before you leave and you'll be taking half of everything and he can pay all the leagl bills. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Ping]

Hello people, I talked to Allyn before after reading her previous post . She said shes the one who pay the rent of the house where they live.Her brother in-law and girlfriend also live there free of charge. Even the household things she,s the one who bought it and the food too.
She works as an administrative assistant in the hospital I think.the mother in law is a nurse and the father in law is a police officer.

But they acted and treated her like nothing. She earns money more than them, thats why their jealous.

[KeithD]

So if she's earning the money he must be :crazy:

...and on that basis as previously mentioned he's trying to use a pathetic way to dump you.:BlacklistLoser::blacklistlazy::lame::Bugger::WED1MarryMe02HL1: ....:Erm:....ignore that last one :D

[South-east boy]

If he's so short of money that he is saying that he needs to send her back, why on earth isn't his brother & his GF paying rent?!:Erm: if they both did, then I can't see a reason for her hubby to need to send her back. Also if her hubby isn't paying rent or many bills, what is he doing with the money he earns?:Erm: Also by sending her back, it now means that he will not have her income that pays the rent & bills. How will that help him?

[South-east boy]

:Erm: Now I'm good at maths but sending you back doesn't add up!!

He's going to have to send you a few hundred each month to support you anyway, as you need to help support your family once you are back there as you will be a 'guest'.

And what if you get ill or have an accident? Will hubby be sending the £1000's to pay for the medical bills? Will he be travelling out to see his beautiful and loving wife for £1000's? I'd say the answer is NO to both questions.

Time you put the fear of God up him, and tell him you need to get divorced before you leave and you'll be taking half of everything and he can pay all the leagl bills. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

To be honest, if he is planning on sending her back, I don't think he'll be sending any money to her for anything. :NoNo: :cwm23:

[KeithD]

Whatever happens, you have a lot of friends and support on here :xxgrinning--00xx3: (he doesn't :action-smiley-081:)

[IainBusby]

Hi Allyn,
From what I have read about your situation it's obvious to me that as Keith says, there is absolutely no advantage to be gained financially by you returning to the Philippines, especially as it appears that you are the real breadwinner in the family. That said, I can only assume that this is his spineless way of trying to get rid of you without going through a divorce.

If I were you I would get in touch with Penny, accept her offer of help and get the hell away from him ASAP. You have ILR, you have a job and in my opinion, you are showing far too much loyalty to a man who shows absolutely no loyalty to you. If Penny's friend can help you as an interim measure, I'm sure it won't take you long you find your own place and start a new life. You could have a bright future ahead of you if you didn't have him or his family dragging you down and making your life miserable all of the time.

Iain.

[pennybarry]

Hello people, I talked to Allyn before after reading her previous post . She said shes the one who pay the rent of the house where they live.Her brother in-law and girlfriend also live there free of charge. Even the household things she,s the one who bought it and the food too.
She works as an administrative assistant in the hospital I think.the mother in law is a nurse and the father in law is a police officer.

But they acted and treated her like nothing. She earns money more than them, thats why their jealous.

Yes, Allyn works in admin Ate Ping and I wish she's working at NHS hospital. I heard before that if you work at NHS, you can transfer to other branch(NHS) if needed.
My friend is in Edinburgh and I always used to apply as admin assistant at Edinburgh hospital but no luck because I'm bit far (45 miles). So Allyn is lucky:omg::icon_lol:

[triple5]

Whys everybody assuming that Allyn even wants to stay in the UK :Erm: The way some people talk you'd think its the be all and end all and she has to stay here at all costs. If I remember rightly in a previous thread Allyn said her mum was really worried about her and wanted her to return home.

[Ping]

Hello people, again I just talked to Allyn an hour ago and tell her what to do. Don't be afraid, fight back and stands your ground firmly.

She told me that its all about her husbands college debt, that needs to be paid. Its Allyn who paid his driving lesson and when he passed and got a license she bought him a car and crashed it and then again bought another one.

Her in-laws were all racist. They don,t believed her that she got a degree in Phil. and they just think that she just bought it, somewhere. She can not work as an administrative assistant if she is not qualified.
You know what this people are idiot or stupid or what.They belittled her and jealous because she got a good job and earn more and most of all more highly educated than them.

[pennybarry]

Hello people, again I just talked to Allyn an hour ago and tell her what to do. Don't be afraid, fight back and stands your ground firmly.

She told me that its all about her husbands college debt, that needs to be paid. Its Allyn who paid his driving lesson and when he passed and got a license she bought him a car and crashed it and then again bought another one.

Her in-laws were all racist. They don,t believed her that she got a degree in Phil. and they just think that she just bought it, somewhere. She can not work as an administrative assistant if she is not qualified.
You know what this people are idiot or stupid or what.They belittled her and jealous because she got a good job and earn more and most of all more highly educated than them.

Yes, I agree they are bad people and Allyn is the most ever I met wife with long patience.
If they are in doubt about diploma and Transcript of Records, it's so easy to tract the records if you know what university she finished her course. So I think we know the real idiots here:omg:. ehehehehe

[South-east boy]

Hello people, again I just talked to Allyn an hour ago and tell her what to do. Don't be afraid, fight back and stands your ground firmly.

She told me that its all about her husbands college debt, that needs to be paid. Its Allyn who paid his driving lesson and when he passed and got a license she bought him a car and crashed it and then again bought another one.

Her in-laws were all racist. They don,t believed her that she got a degree in Phil. and they just think that she just bought it, somewhere. She can not work as an administrative assistant if she is not qualified.
You know what this people are idiot or stupid or what.They belittled her and jealous because she got a good job and earn more and most of all more highly educated than them.

How is she now? It's good that she has someone to talk to about it. :)

I still don't get how him sending her back will help him, especially if she is bringing in the most and helping the most. It doesn't make sense. Also with paying back his studying fees, the amount you have to pay each month and the interest on it, is very small. I wonder if he has made something up about this to sound if it worse than it actually is so he can use it as an excuse?

[aromulus]

Ok, as far as I gather this is where it stands....

If Allyn is the person that is paying rent and her name is on the rental agreement, then she is entitled to evict anybody from the house.
Or call the police for help in doing so.

On the other hand she could just move away somewhere else, and continue working and for once, save the money for real important things, like her own life.... And not the lowlife she unfortunately had the misfortune to meet, fall in love and marry...

It seems that the whole family has ganged up on her, and she is beyond the point of ignoring what's going on.

It is about time that she gets rid of that bunch of ignorant idiots.

The ILR has been obtained, so she is free to move and go anywhere in the UK without restrictions.

[LEAHnew]

Hi Allyn be strong...fight for ur right:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[aromulus]

How is she now? It's good that she has someone to talk to about it. :)

I still don't get how him sending her back will help him, especially if she is bringing in the most and helping the most. It doesn't make sense. Also with paying back his studying fees, the amount you have to pay each month and the interest on it, is very small. I wonder if he has made something up about this to sound if it worse than it actually is so he can use it as an excuse?

It looks like as if the slime ball doesn't want to play hubby anymore, and wants a return to the old days of being single and free of ties.

Any body with a gram of brain matter, would recognise the huge financial contribution and personal sacrifice, Allyn is bringing into the relationship, so the guys had to invent some silly excuse to get rid of her.
Obviously egged on by the just as useless rest of the family.

If that is what he wants, I suggest she either evicts them all, or move elsewhere and start a new life.

[allyn]

ello every one....

im so amaze and overwhelmed with all your opinion and help...
im so thankful and i appreciate in all your advice and for trying to help me...

@ ate ping:BouncyHappy:
thanks for your call earlier, cant stop my self laughing every time i talk to you...
thanks for your advice, so thankful for your call and support...
just a minor correction ate, im only an admin assistant in a NHS clinic not hospital (sorry for the misinformation)

@ ate penny
thanks for the offer, ill keep that in mind,,,im very thankful for your advice and help...

to all...
im so over whelmed with all your reply, advice and your help...you didn't know how thankful iam that i have friends here who support me and give me advice :xxgrinning--00xx3:

here is my update to my thread...


I have my ILR,
I got a permanent job here,
and im looking for a flat right now...
im already going to lose my husband and if i go back to the philippines like my husband want me to it will also mean i will also lose my job,,,and ill start from nothing again...

i do understand my husband for his decision, it does hurt alot,,,a mean alot,,i feel like the whole world just crush down on me (does it sound dramatic or what:crazy:) but what else can i do.... just move on...
He is pressured with all the debt that he have, and i know my moan and situation about his family doesnt help him ,,,and made him decided to just let me go...

he still tell me he love me but its the only way he can pay off his debt...
i understand him and ill support his decision but some how i think i have to oppose to one of his decision of just making me stay in the philippine when i go back there in april because i need to look after my self and i got my permanent job here...

i have tried to put my self together and calm my self, the only thing now that still hurt me is that the reallity that im going to lose my husband soon...:bigcry:

please dont hate my husband, he is a very nice and friendly guy,,,but some how with all this problem he need to have his space to figure things out. to solve thing out....and even tho it hurt alot i have to let him go...:bigcry:

and i think i have to look after my self this time...(like my mum said to me, i look after other people but i cant seemed to look after my self, and by the time every one already decided to have their own way im left with nothing)

thanks guy for all your post....:)

[triple5]

Allyn, debt doesn't have to be that much of a burden. If he really does have a lot of debt then he can make an offer to his creditors to pay the bare minimum every month. I know it doesnt make the debt go away, but it at least makes things easier for the time being on a month to month to basis. For instance, if he even owed as much as 20k he get away with paying £100 a month. I'm sure he could handle that.

If he wants to use the debt as an excuse/reason tell him to contact these http://www.harringtonbrooks.co.uk/ and they will help him manage his debt and get the creditors off his back.

[Fitzy]

Hi Allyn, If I am in your shoes, I will dump him before he dump you.
Be strong because you can do it! :NoNo:
I don't know how long is your patience but we, as wife we must have limitations.
Tell him you need a cool off whilst he thinking about his plans. Leave him for a moment. I know someone who needs a friend to share in her flat, pm me. I have a friend at 52, single and can accommodate you. Less problem about the job if you can work at carehomes, as she can help you like what she did to other filipinos.

Hear hear!!

Leave him. Start over:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[allyn]

Allyn, debt doesn't have to be that much of a burden. If he really does have a lot of debt then he can make an offer to his creditors to pay the bare minimum every month. I know it doesnt make the debt go away, but it at least makes things easier for the time being on a month to month to basis. For instance, if he even owed as much as 20k he get away with paying £100 a month. I'm sure he could handle that.

If he wants to use the debt as an excuse/reason tell him to contact these http://www.harringtonbrooks.co.uk/ and they will help him manage his debt and get the creditors off his back.

thanks,,,ill try to mention it to him..
thanks :)

[allyn]

Hear hear!!

Leave him. Start over:xxgrinning--00xx3:


i guess i really need to soon.....

anywayz thanks:)

[aromulus]

thanks,,,ill try to mention it to him..
thanks :)

You will be fighting a losing battle.:doh

I reckon that, his mind is unfortunately made up already, and he will see any offers of help as a nuisance.

Obviously he has planned this to a certain extent, and his family are also pushing the buttons.
They know better than you, which ones to push to obtain what they want.

Just some friendly advice.... Get rid of the lot of them.

[South-east boy]

ello every one....

im so amaze and overwhelmed with all your opinion and help...
im so thankful and i appreciate in all your advice and for trying to help me...

@ ate ping:BouncyHappy:
thanks for your call earlier, cant stop my self laughing every time i talk to you...
thanks for your advice, so thankful for your call and support...
just a minor correction ate, im only an admin assistant in a NHS clinic not hospital (sorry for the misinformation)

@ ate penny
thanks for the offer, ill keep that in mind,,,im very thankful for your advice and help...

to all...
im so over whelmed with all your reply, advice and your help...you didn't know how thankful iam that i have friends here who support me and give me advice :xxgrinning--00xx3:

here is my update to my thread...


I have my ILR,
I got a permanent job here,
and im looking for a flat right now...
im already going to lose my husband and if i go back to the philippines like my husband want me to it will also mean i will also lose my job,,,and ill start from nothing again...

i do understand my husband for his decision, it does hurt alot,,,a mean alot,,i feel like the whole world just crush down on me (does it sound dramatic or what:crazy:) but what else can i do.... just move on...
He is pressured with all the debt that he have, and i know my moan and situation about his family doesnt help him ,,,and made him decided to just let me go...

he still tell me he love me but its the only way he can pay off his debt...
i understand him and ill support his decision but some how i think i have to oppose to one of his decision of just making me stay in the philippine when i go back there in april because i need to look after my self and i got my permanent job here...

i have tried to put my self together and calm my self, the only thing now that still hurt me is that the reallity that im going to lose my husband soon...:bigcry:

please dont hate my husband, he is a very nice and friendly guy,,,but some how with all this problem he need to have his space to figure things out. to solve thing out....and even tho it hurt alot i have to let him go...:bigcry:

and i think i have to look after my self this time...(like my mum said to me, i look after other people but i cant seemed to look after my self, and by the time every one already decided to have their own way im left with nothing)

thanks guy for all your post....:)

Yes, you have to be strong for yourself. :xxgrinning--00xx3: Good on you as I can imagine how hard it's been for you recently.

As I said before, I can't see that you are a burden to him financially as it's you that seems to be the main bread-winner -I just don't his reasoning. Maybe he is being pressured by his family? I don't know how much he owes, but as a last resort could he classify himself bankrupt and wipe the slate clean?

[pennybarry]

ello every one....


I have my ILR,
I got a permanent job here,
and im looking for a flat right now...

and i think i have to look after my self this time...(like my mum said to me, i look after other people but i cant seemed to look after my self, and by the time every one already decided to have their own way im left with nothing)

thanks guy for all your post....:)

That lines makes me happy. In my honest opinion, you need a break, speak to your boss and file for a week leave or so.


the only thing now that still hurt me is that the reallity that im going to lose my husband soon...

This time please listen to what your Mom advice. You're not loosing him and you're just giving him space. What important now is yourself, families and friends around. Listen to them and think you are lucky having them all.

Our Mom suffers a lot if she knew if we have problems. They are the one who most feel the pain and worries. They are the ones feels pain more than we do. If you understand a mother pain and worries, you'll be fine.

[joebloggs]

He is pressured with all the debt that he have, and i know my moan and situation about his family doesnt help him ,,,and made him decided to just let me go...

he still tell me he love me but its the only way he can pay off his debt...
i understand him and ill support his decision but some how i think i have to oppose to one of his decision of just making me stay in the philippine when i go back there in april because i need to look after my self and i got my permanent job here...

please dont hate my husband, he is a very nice and friendly guy,,,but some how with all this problem he need to have his space to figure things out. to solve thing out....and even tho it hurt alot i have to let him go...:bigcry:


sorry allyn :NoNo:
:doh I'm pressured by debt, but i don't take it out on the misses or runaway from it , whatever debt he has is probably nothing to what i owe (thanks to the HO visa's fees, GMC, deaths, births, caesarean op, dog needing an emergency op, misses father being ill, being made redundant twice in the last 4yrs, i could go on and on, i seem to be a magnet for problems and other peoples problems and some problems you just wouldn't believe :D )

yes it's his debt and he should sort it out, just as i have had to do, and not risk his marriage for his debts, marriage is for the good and bad times..

get a bank loan or do as triple5 has said, and he should not use his marriage to you as a solution to his money problems :NoNo:

[Arthur Little]

From all that Allyn has shared with us [and I, for one, am glad she has!] it's evident her husband belongs to a dysfunctional family :rolleyes: ... despite the fact that his mother is a nurse, and his father, a police officer - as Ping has established through her contact with Allyn - and, therefore, ought to behave in accordance with the good manners expected from professional workers.

Clearly this :BlacklistLoser: hasn't the guts to take a firm stance against the crass treatment meted out to his wife at the hands of his boorish parents. Either that, or ... as others have implied ... the guy is like a child who quickly tires of "a pet he's been given for Christmas" once the novelty wears off!

But we're talking about a PERSON, here (not a dog!) ... a HUMAN BEING who is ONE HALF of a marital partnership and deserves EQUAL respect. To me, it is patently obvious this is not happening. :NoNo: And I believe the culmination of events over the past 2/3 months has reached the stage where, Allyn would be well-advised to extricate herself from such an intolerable situation.

Back in early December, I suggested she might consider approaching Womens' Aid ... and gave her the address & telephone number of the branch nearest to where she lives in Glasgow. Yet, I remember someone else felt this was an over-reaction to the circumstances at the time.

Here, we have a vulnerable 27-year-old, living far from home in a strange country, and I feel WE ... as her friends and confidantes (and, moreover, as caring people) ... should continue to rally-round, to offer as much support as we possibly can.

[walesrob]

Joe is right, marriage is for life, whether good or bad, rich or poor (or in our case very poor or extremely poor :rolleyes:). I also have some debts, but my love for Elsa isn't any less because of it. Just got to work a bit harder to pay off the debts.

Allyn, I can understand your story, when Elsa first arrived in the UK, my family didn't like her very much, but I stood by her, and if they don't like her, tough :censored:, I would choose Elsa over my family any-day. They would drop subtle hints to her that she wasn't welcome and I've heard from various branches of the family that my own mother and brother we're making up stories about Elsa (the usual - gold digger, only after passport) - and now look, after 6 years we're still happily married despite being in debt and still living at Mum's place (although we now have some privacy as we are living in the granny flat :icon_lol:).

[KeithD]

J(....as we are living in the granny flat :icon_lol:).
Welsh for 'barn' :rolleyes:

[Arthur Little]

when Elsa first arrived in the UK, my family didn't like her very much, but I stood by her, and if they don't like her, tough :censored:, I would choose Elsa over my family any-day.

:iagree: ... in principle with what you're saying here, Rob. But the point is, Allyn's husband ISN'T doing this; instead, he's blatantly "siding" with his family and shutting HER out! At least, that's how it appears to ME.

[joebloggs]

Joe is right, marriage is for life, whether good or bad, rich or poor (or in our case very poor or extremely poor :rolleyes:). I also have some debts, but my love for Elsa isn't any less because of it. Just got to work a bit harder to pay off the debts.

Allyn, I can understand your story, when Elsa first arrived in the UK, my family didn't like her very much, but I stood by her, and if they don't like her, tough :censored:, I would choose Elsa over my family any-day. They would drop subtle hints to her that she wasn't welcome and I've heard from various branches of the family that my own mother and brother we're making up stories about Elsa (the usual - gold digger, only after passport) - and now look, after 6 years we're still happily married despite being in debt and still living at Mum's place (although we now have some privacy as we are living in the granny flat :icon_lol:).

:xxgrinning--00xx3: rob, i've been thru the same :censored:, but once my misses works full-time, we'll be start getting out of the :censored: we're in, families you know my problems, my dear sis i wonder how she is :rolleyes: :icon_lol: :action-smiley-081:, things not going to her plans :Rasp:

[joebloggs]

Welsh for 'barn' :rolleyes:

scouse for 'outside toilet' :action-smiley-081:

:D

[KeithD]

.... i seem to be a magnet for problems and other peoples problems and some problems you just wouldn't believe.....
Definition of a Manc :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[joebloggs]

Definition of a Manc :xxgrinning--00xx3:

:icon_lol:

i think i must have been a banker or Chelsea manger in previous life's
and paying for it in this one :cwm24:

[eula mackay]

i am stunned.

leave him. as soon as. the sooner you move forward, the sooner you'll get over him. he does not want "space" otherwise he would not ask you to relocate 7k miles away. harsh as it may sound he does not want to be with you anymore. basing on what ive read here, YOU are too good for him.

his family does not like you, he must have liked you enough to marry you though. he must have been brainwashed by them hence the decision to want to "send" you back to the philippines. a decent husband would not do that to his wife. his reasons are all very selfish and in my books not worthy of a loving and faithful wife.

good luck and i sincerely hope everything works out to your advantage!

[justchecking]

Allyn - be brave. I don't know how long you've been here so how close to ILR you may be, and you say you love your husband but he sounds like a weak man, especially from peanutz post regarding your father-in-law. I see that you support your family back home, but this is about you and what you want for yourself and your future - is it to suffer for others? Can you not stay and work until the end of spouse visa, save money to go back with head held high and self-respect intact?

hope it works out for you

[joebloggs]

Allyn - be brave. I don't know how long you've been here so how close to ILR you may be,

thankfully allyn has ilr :rolleyes:

[Arthur Little]

thankfully allyn has *ilr :rolleyes:

Phew :rolleyes: ... *THAT'S a relief! Let's hope she has the good sense to distance herself from her present circumstances.

[South-east boy]

It annoys me how she seems to have been treated when she has been such a good wife, who has stood by him and done all she can. A lot of women would have walked a long time ago and if it does end up with the marriage breaking up, then at least she knows that she tried her hardest to make it work, cannot be held responsible for what happened and can hold her head high.

[IainBusby]

Ok, as far as I gather this is where it stands....

If Allyn is the person that is paying rent and her name is on the rental agreement, then she is entitled to evict anybody from the house.
Or call the police for help in doing so.

On the other hand she could just move away somewhere else, and continue working and for once, save the money for real important things, like her own life.... And not the lowlife she unfortunately had the misfortune to meet, fall in love and marry...

It seems that the whole family has ganged up on her, and she is beyond the point of ignoring what's going on.

It is about time that she gets rid of that bunch of ignorant idiots.

The ILR has been obtained, so she is free to move and go anywhere in the UK without restrictions.



Nuff said.... I'd say that just about sums it up.

[islander]

hi allyn!

I'm so sorry to hear this... I didn't know it came this far from the last time we chatted.

Well, since you got you're ILR already & got a permanent & a well-paid job at NHS, I don't anymore see you as being too dependent with your hubby.

I know you're such a strong & courageous woman & I think you can handle yourself well so do what you think is the best thing for you. Surely, everyone here in the forum is around to support you!

[Fitzy]

i guess i really need to soon.....

anywayz thanks:)

Sorry if i seem blunt dear, but you deserve better!

You're welcome.