small but very sad story.......

[toging]

hi,as some knew that i just arrived here in the uk for just a couple of weeks on a fiancee visa and will be having our wedding on 14th of nov......when i first met my fiancee his 2 kids didnt approved our relationship but after few years they seem to accept it ( i thought)....i arrived in oct.12 here,that time everything seems ok,the daughter (40.yrs.old,single-mom,with 7 yr.old son)is staying with this house too bec.she sold her own house,and bec.my fiancee spent most of the time in philippines 3 years ago he agrees to her to occupy the house while he was away.....i met his son too (37 years.old,2 kids) and as i said they welcome me......then few days ago the daughter stop talking to me and to her dad....and it really made me very uncomfortable,i started going out to have a walk just to pass time quickly and thought to myself i shouldnt be involve with whats going on with them....last night bec.im still in the philippine time we ALWAYS slept at 12 midnight..and she just came without notice in our room and shouting and freaking out.....and for a moment they are shouting and shes really really freaking out....telling my fiancee that he choose ME instead of family.....and theres a lot of words said but all of it,its because of ME over them....i was stunned the way she treated my fiancee,i mean i cant and never will RAISE my voice to either of my parents..i came from a 3rd world country,not rich family but we got a LOT of respect to our parents and to others.....but at the end of the day my fiancee showed me a lot,that he can stand by me,he will fight for me and he loves me very much,and i think thats matters most to me now.....i just shared this thoughts and little disturbance within me here in the forum bec.i cant talk to anybody especially back home,the last thing i want them to do is to worry about me here......thank you for lending ur ears or should i say for reading....

[lastlid]

Hello Toging, I am not a very good Agony Aunt. And providing a solution isnt really something I should be attempting as things are never simple.

But I lost an old friend for a similar reason. She never contacts me now. I knew her from being a teenager. Many of her thoughts were irrational and factually innaccurate.

Anyhow, my first reaction (maybe the wrong one) is for you and your fiancee to ensure that you live alone, if that is possible, I always felt that house sharing under any circumstances would always be difficult ultimately.

Having said that, I hope that instead your fiancees relatives see some sense.

[KeithD]

House sharing always causes problems regardless of whether you are from another country or not. The main problem will be that his daughter has got comfortable and into a routine in the house and now that has been broken and her dads interest is all in you. She's probably feeling rejected and pushed out, but as she's an adult she should have foreseen that and done something about it like move out, she's had plenty of time and has just been lazy.

Just make sure you talk about everything with your other half, and leave his kids to their own lives. Don't worry about them, it's not your problem.

[lykayu01]

Oh that was really sad to hear... Just always pray and i hope everything gets well as i know that is extremely hard to deal with being new to the country and you dont know anyone and no one to talk too omg really wish u well ;)

[RickyR]

I'm very sorry to hear about your challenge, and hope that you can resolve this situation between you all.
When I was in my teens my parents split up and about 10 years ago after my dad had remarried my mum met someone. My sisters didn't like the man she met, and made it known and created a bit of a fuss. My Mum was happy with the guy, he treated her well and looked after her. Eventually I sat down with my sisters and explained that since they are already married are in their late twenties that they aren't directly affected by the decisions of their mother, and if she is happy and being looked after that they should just be happy for her and support her, whether or not they like the man. Eventually they conceded, and the problem was resolved.

Your in situation where your in a foreign country, immersed in a completely new culture and in a family rift between partner and his children. This is a difficult situation, and your husbands daughter needs to come to terms with you being a part of her fathers life. This may take a while, and if at all possible your husband, yourself and his daughter should sit down and discuss this situation together. Your husband needs to also explain to you what is going on.

I wish you all the luck, and stray strong. Try to not get emotional, don't take it personally and try to keep calm. Do not get into an argument with them.

[grahamw48]

Sorry to hear about your problems with the family (or rather the DAUGHTER'S problem with you and her father :rolleyes:)

It is pretty straightforward.

She is jealous .
You have invaded 'her' territory...an understandable reaction, if immature.

It is not an uncommon situation.

It is NOT your fault.

Things are not likely to improve while you're all under the same roof.

Ask your partner to do something quickly to resolve the situation.

It must be a great worry to him too.

Good luck . :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Terpe]

I totally agee with the sentiments already offered.

It's a very common situation. As others have said it's not your fault and it's not personal.
Just jealousy and hurt.

Please do try to remain calm and patient. Keep smiling, but let your fiance resolve this.
And it must be resolved soon.
It's a real difficult issue, but it's true that house sharing like this mostly does not work .
This is a time when you need to trust your fiance with your emotions. Communicate all your feelings and share all your misgivings about what's happening and about how it's making you feel. He needs to fully understand and he needs to reach an agreed solution that good for you.

Chin up, stay happy and be sure to have your fiance as your outlet.

[toging]

thank you very much guys for all the advices.....i told my fiancee to have a good talk with his daughter,at first he was reluctant but i tried to explain to him that our relationship in this house will not prosper if he will keep his ego/pride....i know that he was hurt because of what his daughter did (shouting on him in front of me)which he thought was very humiliating.....and i will be always upset knowing that I caused this misunderstanding on them,at the end he agreed to me to talk to her.....and after a few minutes of explanations on both side,she came to me and told me that its nothing to do with me,and they felt that they were pushed aside since my fiancee met me,but i cleared to her that i am not here to take away her dad to them,and it will be better if they will just accept me as one their family and not as a threat......and i hope this time it will works for all of us....anyways one thing i learned from u guys is i need to be NEUTRAL and everything can be solve with a good talk....again thanks very much!!!!:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[lykayu01]

happy for you enjoy and stay happy!!!!:)

[RickyR]

Thats really good news, I'm glad you've resolved the problem. I know that arguments between western people can see aggressive with some foul language and some pretty harsh and hurtful things said, but often this is just for impact and attention and isn't really what people mean.

[stevewool]

as long as you two are fine between yourselves, then all is well,