Mothers that send money home........

[John.C]

Mothers who come to the uk, work for min wage, and then send half the money home to their children are the closest thing that I ever will see, during my lifetime, to a Saint.
If you agree, please shout it from the rooftops, (or you could just reply to this post....!)

[grahamw48]

Yes, I agree....plus the many thousands who work in Hong Kong and many other countries.:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[John.C]

Graham you are right. Not just in the UK.

[hawk]

i agree too my fiancee is going back macau to work till we sort out another visa she will be doing same

[Tawi2]

:NoNo:They arent saints,they are indocrinated from the moment they leave school to send,send,send money back to the family,I remember several suicides when I was in Honkers,pinays jumping because of family pressures,I remember the loan-sharks who collected on sundays in statue square and held passports till the debts and their huge interests were settled,I just got back from pinas,nothing remotely saintly about massive mental blackmail on a single individual to provide for a full family of what are sometimes parasites,I have a friend still over there at the moment,every single day she has been back on a supposed "Holiday" family have been arriving to borrow cash,every single day without fail,she hid in the bedroom pretending to sleep once for two hours because she knew why certain family members had arrived but they just stoically waited as word had spread the family bank was home,the human ATM had arrived :NoNo: The pinoy government originally used that "Hero" rubbish to encourage more people to flit abroad to send yet more cash back,they arent heros,they are poor,downtrodden,browbeaten modern day slaves,cash-cows to be milked and I pity them,I know some who havent had a holiday home in years,why?Because they cant afford it,they have no families of their own because they are paying for the kids of their siblings,its a terrible life some of them live,an endless quest for cash to give away,nothing heroic about suffering and mental anguish :NoNo:

[Tawi2]

Utang na loob is a heavy cross to bear for a single woman :rolleyes:

[Arthur Little]

It's a crying :bigcry: shame that so many of the ordinary Filipino people are living "hand to mouth" ... while politicians "splash out" on huge, sprawling mansions worth multi millions Php in which to accommodate their mistresses.

[Moy]

on my own opinion not just money that concerns on this thread..its more of a womanly feeling as well :) base on my experience:)
Can you imagine how painful it would be to move to another country and leave your children behind?:doh:NoNo:
I would say the thought of not seeing them for an entire year is gut wrenching.:NoNo:
These women are forced to choose between bettering their children’s lives financially and being with them physically:cwm3:

[Tawi2]

These women are forced to choose between bettering their children’s lives
Not always their children Moy,I have met pinays who never had kids of their own sacrificing their lives for that of their siblings children,they always said its their obligation,they just keep on sending like the drip...drip...drip of a tap,and the more they send the more is wanted,I just saw it with my own eyes and it makes me sick at times,mental abuse and what amounts to family blackmail,some parts of pinoy culture are ok,some parts....:NoNo::rolleyes:

[Arthur Little]

It's a crying :bigcry: shame that so many of the ordinary Filipino people are living "hand to mouth" ... while politicians "splash out" on huge, sprawling mansions worth multi millions Php in which to accommodate their mistresses.

I would also go so far as to hazard an educated guess that ... even SUCH wanton extravagance :yeahthat: is a gross understatement when compared to the likes of the Aquino dynasty's lifestyle. :furious3:

[Moy]

Not always their children Moy,I have met pinays who never had kids of their own sacrificing their lives for that of their siblings children,they always said its their obligation,they just keep on sending like the drip...drip...drip of a tap,and the more they send the more is wanted,I just saw it with my own eyes and it makes me sick at times,mental abuse and what amounts to family blackmail,some parts of pinoy culture are ok,some parts....:NoNo::rolleyes:

very true my friend tawi:xxgrinning--00xx3: and taking about tawi..your back:D:Rasp: where have you been :heartshape1::yikes::icon_lol:

[Tawi2]

where have you been
Your favourite city :heartshape1: I searched high,I searched low,but never one with your beauty nor wit nor character did I find :bigcry::heartshape1: (Thank goodness)

[John.C]

At this point I would just like to say that the "Saint" tag was applied with full knowledge of the POV expressed by Tawi2. Views which I have heard many times.
As we all know there are selfish and greedy people in many different countries. Maybe my point of view is being coloured by living in a culture where it is now considered "normal" to encounter a person on the street, who is badly injured, or in great distress, and to react by instantly reaching for your phone to start filming them....

[Tawi2]

Maybe my point of view is being coloured by living in a culture where it is now considered "normal" to encounter a person on the street, who is badly injured, or in great distress, and to react by instantly reaching for your phone to start filming them....
Exactly the same happens in pinas,within days of the maguindanao massacre DVD's were on sale in Gensan showing the exhumation of victims and close-ups of the bodies,when I was in Davao last year a guy was shot on angliongto,sitting in his car hit in the face twice, people were filming on their cells and mailing footage to friends,a friend of mine years ago lived in Manila,he chanced upon a guy who had actually hung himself in a street,people were hurrying past on their way to work and avoiding the corpse,pinoy society is no different to anywhere else to be honest,good and bad in all.

[grahamw48]

I'm sure nobody is in any way disagreeing with your original post John, rather just 'expanding' upon it. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[John.C]

I'm sure nobody is in any way disagreeing with your original post John, rather just 'expanding' upon it. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Maybe I am concerned deep down that Tawi2 is right. But I hope not. The women I know seem to be very focused on giving their children a private education that they can barely afford, and hopefully have a little money left over just in case their Mother gets sick. I know that they are under incredible pressure so maybe that is the part that we can agree about.
But my friend jokes about all the cousins and other relatives who always expect a little something and this always gets my full attention.
Can indoctrination be slowly put into reverse if there is support and love around? :)

[stevie c]

I totally agree with you john :xxgrinning--00xx3:
i have so much respect & admiration for these women saints in every sense of the word

[toging]

i might be the only lady who will put my own opinion about this thread....there or here i've been providing for my "WHOLE" family for quite sometime,and it sometimes give me so much stress and pressure,its understandable for my 2 kids since i have a sole custody on them but to my mother,father and my brother (sending him to college) sometimes its too much for me.....i always blame it to our "CULTURE" coz we were brought up with the belief that we need to SUPPORT our parents as well as the siblings.And i always thought that I am just helping them to become LAZY bec.of the financial help that i am giving them,and i dont want to be a hypocrite not to say its really,really giving me a headache now......coz they always thought that being ABROAD is like a bed of roses.And for my kids,i think giving them an EXTRA finance will compensate the thought that i am not there for them and it helps me a bit with my guilty conscience that i left them......this is just my opinion and i hope it make sense

[Tawi2]

Exactly what I said,but I am only a puti :icon_lol: I understand EXACTLY what your going through,totally unfair but its pinoy society that brainwashes you into that frame of mind that you MUST provide for everyone,be strong :) Pinays call it SACRIFICE,the word says it all.


i might be the only lady who will put my own opinion about this thread....there or here i've been providing for my "WHOLE" family for quite sometime,and it sometimes give me so much stress and pressure,its understandable for my 2 kids since i have a sole custody on them but to my mother,father and my brother (sending him to college) sometimes its too much for me.....i always blame it to our "CULTURE" coz we were brought up with the belief that we need to SUPPORT our parents as well as the siblings.And i always thought that I am just helping them to become LAZY bec.of the financial help that i am giving them,and i dont want to be a hypocrite not to say its really,really giving me a headache now......coz they always thought that being ABROAD is like a bed of roses.And for my kids,i think giving them an EXTRA finance will compensate the thought that i am not there for them and it helps me a bit with my guilty conscience that i left them......this is just my opinion and i hope it make sense

[John.C]

Thank you toging. You are helping to educate me. I am stubborn when I defend my friends and that gets stronger every day.

[grahamw48]

One thing is for sure, our more recently married/engaged members need to be aware that your lady's 'obligation' to her family does not finish or recede once she arrives in the UK, but rather the demands made upon her will INCREASE.

Blood is thicker than water, as many husbands and former husbands have found to their cost.

My advice would be, don't give her a hard time over it, as it is not a situation of her making.

[Tawi2]

Blood is thicker than water, as many husbands and former husbands have found to their cost.
One of my mates was well scammed through it,and others have had marriage break-ups due to the constant demands ;)

[grahamw48]

Hmm...sounds familiar. :rolleyes:

What amuses me is the number of the ex's family in the Phils who want me to be their Facebook friend.

She re-married a couple of years ago.

[Arthur Little]

Exactly what I said,but I am only a puti :icon_lol: I understand EXACTLY what your going through,totally unfair but its pinoy society that brainwashes you into that frame of mind that you MUST provide for everyone,be strong :) Pinays call it SACRIFICE,the word says it all.

Heroism calls for self~sacrifice ... and in that sense, ladies like Grace ['toging'] CAN, in MY opinion, be likened to "saints" or - at the very least - true heroines ...

[John.C]

We all have to be wary but the only woman who has "scammed" me (so far) was an English girlfriend who always wanted £500 for a pair of shoes or a handbag. But people told me - "Oh - she's just High Maintenance"
But if I want to give an Asian friend £50 to help with the gas bill then she is a "scammer"
Funny that isn't it??? :rolleyes:

[Tawi2]

to help with the gas bill then she is a "scammer"
Funny that isn't it???
Yes,hilarious :icon_lol:
When I say scammed John I mean 30k,slightly more serious than a paltry 50 quid methinks :rolleyes:

[John.C]

I know. I know. Some of it is very serious. I am just a bit brassed off with casual comments I sometimes hear.
I also want to know a lot more when I hear someone use the S word. If the woman concerned is living in squalor and wearing charity shop clothes, I definitely want to know more before I would use the S word.
To me, Scammer = On the Make = Personal Gain.
If the party concerned wants loads of money from her partner (?) to help others that may also be "a very bad thing" but I insist that we invent a new word....

[Arthur Little]

true heroines ...

... I doff my hat :coucouchapeau: to you, Grace! You and countless others like you.

[Tawi2]

You dont hear any casual comments from me,everything I posted on this thread is from experience and observation,I came back from Pinas yesterday,been there lots of times,had one or two relationships over the years,seen the good,the bad,and the ugly,I never sugar-coat it to make it more palatable,sometimes the truth is a bitter pill to swallow.

[joebloggs]

sure some are saints for sending much of her hard earned money back home to her family who are in desperate need, but some are gaga for sending much of her hard earned money back home to her family who could work and are taking the :piss2: old saying 'it's easy to spend someone else s hard earned money' :doh

[John.C]

You dont hear any casual comments from me,everything I posted on this thread is from experience and observation,I came back from Pinas yesterday,been there lots of times,had one or two relationships over the years,seen the good,the bad,and the ugly,I never sugar-coat it to make it more palatable,sometimes the truth is a bitter pill to swallow.

Trust me. I am listening carefully to all the posters on this thread - not just the ones I like the sound of.

[sheriel]

All the coomments have been personally digested,i have great admiration for all here and when does one say no to sending some spare cash,after the poverty i seen in many parts of the Philippines,the squats in some cities were appalling by my standard,and i am only a cornish hard working man, but my eyes were open on several visits to the Philippines. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[raynaputi]

I guess I can consider myself as one of the lucky Filipinas for having a family that's not abusive of a relative overseas..I experienced working overseas (Singapore) to have a much bigger salary so I can give a bigger amount of money monthly to my parents..not because they want me to but because I want to. We're not rich but I've seen my parents do everything they can to provide me and my siblings the best education we can get and things we want (well not all but whatever they can afford)..and for me, giving them money to help on their monthly bills is not a big deal..It's not an obligation but just being a good daughter. Who would want to ignore family when you know you can help them and lessen their money problems in any way? And when my contract in Singapore ended, they insisted on me to just go home instead even if the salary is not as big.

My parents help others too whatever they can afford, not just relatives but some neighbors too if they ask to borrow..They don't give them a lot but enough to help them. All my siblings are working too, If they need an extra help in money for something they really need, I won't hesitate to lend them and they know they need to pay it back..I know they'd do that to me too..right now I'm the only one who doesn't have a work (well coz I'm not allowed to yet with my visa) I'm sure if I need to ask them or my parents a little help, they would lend me some..The good thing about my family is that we learned how to be independent then share and care enough and not to abuse or tolerate everything..:)

The dependency in a Filipino family usually comes when most of the family members doesn't have the will to help themselves out by working and another family member tolerates it more by giving them whatever they want even if he/she knows he/she can't afford it.

[Neu75]

Filipinas who work overseas and send money home all the time are hard-working for sure.
Also, there are hundreds of thousands of Filipino men who do just the same. They are just as heroic as the women.
There are many people in the UK who have no idea what long contracts the Filipino man and woman have to sign up for. Two years is the normal duration these wonderful people have to be away for. Can you imagine a Brit doing that :NoNo: A few months and a Brit would be moaning like hell :icon_lol:

[Tawi2]

I know a pinay here who hasnt been home for five years due to remmitting all her cash and she said she has to buy mountains of expensive pasalubong should she return to pinas so its cheaper to stay her and send,send,send.

[Terpe]

This is something I have experienced for many many years with many many different people.

It's in my heart and I can see and mostly understand all sides of the "culture coin".

Sending money home is common in Filipino culture.

Sending money home for the children is a given, it's an absolute must. In the same situation wouldn't we all do that?

Well, wouldn't we?

Look, make no mistake here, an OFW is not your average person.
A mother who got herself to another country, secured a job and supports her children and familty is not your average person.

A Filipina who sends money back home doesn't generally do it to look good, nor to be popular, nor to be a hero?
It's because the children and family are more important to her than her own well being.

I have many friends who work long long hours on minimum wage, send most of back home and often have nothing left over for a good life of their own or even an annual visit to Pinas.
In many ways that is so sad.

But look, education for the children is so so important. Please remember that in the Philippines education always needs financial support.

I'm not going to deny some suggestions that many Filipina's have indeed been raised from the cradle to serve the family.
Additionally I agree that generally the upbringing is very focussed on being hard-working for the benefit of family. Don't let's forget that we husbands are part of the family.

But I personally still maintain that in nearly all cases a Filipina sends money back home because she is a giving and loving person and she believes it is the best thing to do that can help lift their family.

For a lot of Brit/Filipina marriages, remittances can be a big issue.
Western cultures generally do not share the same family values as most Pinoy households do.
I’m not suggesting it's good or bad or good. Just that there are big differences and that there are pros and cons to both sides.

Of course, I know of Brit/Filipina couples who have issues and problems relating to sending money back to Philippines.
Sometimes I do too.

Is it true that sending money back home makes the relatives lazy and not feel the need to work for themselves or the larger family circle? I'm sure there are instances where there is a lot of truth in that.
Is it true that sending money back home doesn't in fact help anyone, but actually makes life worse for every one? Possibly there is some truth in that too.

I know that my thinking might put me in danger of being accussed of idealising and romanticising the Philippine culture for family values.

But I hope that no matter how modern or “western” Philippine society will become the years of Philippine upbringing and the creation of that special Pinoy
family bond will never be lost in the years they spend in western culture.

Saints? No
Hero's? No
Responsibility? More than likely.
Burden? Often.

We all know blood will always be thicker than water.

[John.C]

Look, make no mistake here, an OFW is not your average person.
A mother who got herself to another country, secured a job and supports her children and familty is not your average person.

A Filipina who sends money back home doesn't generally do it to look good, nor to be popular, nor to be a hero?
It's because the children and family are more important to her than her own well being.


I love this part of your post. The first time I got to know any Filipina women was 2 years ago, when my mother died, (you can probably figure it out).
My first reaction was: What!? They left their kids at home? What is that all about? My mother would never have left us on our own to work in another country!!

But then I realised - Yes she would. My mother would have done anything for me and my sister - including working on the other side of the world if that's what was required. So that was when my admiration (for the sacrifice) went into overdrive.

[John.C]

One thing is for sure, our more recently married/engaged members need to be aware that your lady's 'obligation' to her family does not finish or recede once she arrives in the UK, but rather the demands made upon her will INCREASE.

Blood is thicker than water, as many husbands and former husbands have found to their cost.



I wonder if we need a "sticky" for uk men. Step by step guide.
Yeah that's OK
Yeah that's OK
No! Stop!

I had a string of thoughts go through my head ref my friend:
Hmmm..She is broke
Nothing in her fridge. No meat except for an animal that I can't identify....
She's paying out £*** in rent every month....
Hmmm... I've got plenty of space??

[Tawi2]

No meat except for an animal that I can't identify
:omg:

[lastlid]

My wife has been fortunate that her mother has sacrificed for her. Her mother continues to work and has provided for her 3 daughters on her own, pretty much. Her three daughters are all grown up and married now. My wife is the youngest. And she sends some money back to her mum and older sister occasionally, just to help out, I guess to do her bit for her family that has supported her for many years. The idea of sending money home seems to be innate. They all seem to "muck in" together with money, helping each other when they can. Quite admirable really.

[tone]

Having read all this I feel for the Girls who have the stress of sending money back, I have been in the same boat and its often talked about at home but I have had to put my family first and with the growth of our family unit (and paying maintenance for my previous relationship still) charity starts at home and IF there is some spare cash then I don't really mind sending some back, but nowadays there is rarely any spare as things are tight.
The costs of bringing a Filipina here and allowing her to grow and become accustomed to British life is expensive - especially when the relationship started with little costs.
But I have had to talk to the family and tell them straight - life in the UK is not easy, there are no money trees in the back garden, taxation is high, everything costs much more and there is a lot more "law" and consequences to not keeping your house in order, example being - I have to have car insurance, a TV licence - and if I dont pay something off the interest is high, and if it isnt paid at all the credit file gets buggered....makes life difficult going forward!

I am asian and I understand it all but im my culture when a girl leaves the home nothing is expected from them. Nothing, and thats what I have had to explain.

I wish it was different but it is what it is - put in the same shoes I'd want to do the same - who wouldnt?

its a contentious topic I think and I salute everyones input because its a difficult topic to talk openly about.

Tone

[malditako]

just to clarify its not just the women (filipino) who sends money back home..even those men who already married and got a family of their own still slice some money out of their salary and give it to his parents and other siblings regardless whom they are married....thats filipino cuture that cannot be erased. One of the reason why a lot of filipino parents dont need to work till 67. their retirement is base on when the children start earning and support them which i personally like....as i am always saying to my husband..our son will finish university no matter how much it will cost us and when he go to work thats the start of our retirement life to pinas :)

[Arthur Little]

:anerikke: ... well ... as I have already said [overleaf] - and nobody seems to've so far taken a blind bit of notice - it's the likes of the Aqinos of this world (with their blatant refusal to adhere to such *conditions as *those of the Agrarian Reform Agreements set out in the early years of the 20th Century) and the corrupt politicians that make the country what it IS economically.

[toging]

Heroism calls for self~sacrifice ... and in that sense, ladies like Grace ['toging'] CAN, in MY opinion, be likened to "saints" or - at the very least - true heroines ...

:xxgrinning--00xx3: