Pinay girlfriend desperate to get married.....

[HACHE]

Guys,
Some of you may have read my last thread, but for those who haven't, my gf of seven months is still married in the philippines, is a student here, and basically would love to stay.
Now originally her student visa runs until august next year, and has made no secret she'd like to stay ( with me) long term.
Now her college is shutting, and while there is talk of trying to switch colleges, apparently a director of the college advised her to go and get married!! Now, it may have been an informal conversation just a casual conversation...even so, I think he's pretty irresponsible to lead her to think its that simple (especially with her married status)
Anway that's now what she wants, we've had a pretty difficult month or so...so many misundertsandings, its been pretty unpleasant...and for me, well while my deep feelings for her are as strong as ever, it just reminds me that the stage of our relationship is still in the "immature" stage and talk of marriage is totally premature in my mind.
I don't want to imply anything but while I do believe her genuine feelings for me, she is stressing how much she needs to stay here in the UK and support her family back home....its a factor pushing her to go for the marriage...and I am thinking "woooow hang on a minute, I dont wana be rushed or pushed into it, especially in this stage"...and I only want to do it for the right reasons for me too...
I've explained that, she understands...but it's just not nice to be put in this position, although I know in her mind what choice has she got...
So what are anyones thoughts on this coercion here, marriage ( to someone she really loves) butbeing pushed along for other reasons...?? remembering it isn't easy anyway given her status as married anyway...
Its a shame, I really keen on her, I just explained that only a few months ago that I thought I had another 18 months to nuture and establish we're good for each other then all of a sudden other factors have come into play and forced the issue prematurely....
Wandering what others would be thinking in my position...
Thanks for any replies guys...

[sars_notd_virus]

I'm afraid she should go back to the Philippines and file an annulment....she cannot divorce her husband in the PH and marry in the uk unless she's a resident.
true love can wait if you are meant to be together, it will happen:):xxgrinning--00xx3:

[grahamw48]

You want an honest answer ?

Unless you're totally besotted with each other and BOTH 100% committed....spare yourself a world of pain and frustration mate. :NoNo:

There are almost millions of SINGLE Filipinas out there waiting to meet you and hoping to marry you. :)

[HACHE]

Thanks for the reply,
Yeah I started another thread, regarding the "getting divorced here in UK from her husband in Pi"

http://filipinaroses.com/showthread.php/37473-Pinay-Girlfriend-on-student-visa-who-is-still-Married

If we don't fight and argue and get through the near future, I'll be getting some professional advice from solicitors or advisors specialising in this area of immigration law

[HACHE]

You want an honest answer ?

Unless you're totally besotted with each other and BOTH 100% committed....spare yourself a world of pain and frustration mate. :NoNo:

There are almost millions of SINGLE Filipinas out there waiting to meet you and hoping to marry you. :)

Thanks for the advice mate.
I know alot of people say "love conquers all"...but at the end of the day I am a realist, and a pragmatist...
It's gota feel right for me, and, well if I was jumping for joy, I wouldn't be here...
But when emotions are running high and it's complicated, it's nice to get others perspective too :)

[Terpe]

If her college is really shutting then the priority must be to find another college and legally change her visa conditions or she will be forced to leave UK.
Without a valid visa she will become illegal.
Without a valid visa she cannot legally work
Without a valid visa she cannot file for divorce
Without a valid divorce she cannot legally get married

No offence intended, just trying to focus you (and your gf) on the short term priority.

On the issues you raise about marriage be careful about motives. Try to look beyond the passions of the moment. To me there is already a red-flag.

If you believe in your heart that you have found someone you can grow with, and you have enough faith to be convinced that you will not regret the road not taken and the partner not chosen then you may be ready for marriage.
If not, then wait.

Study the way she cares for others and the way she deals with the daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more then your love will have a good chance to grow.
If it doesn't, tread carefully.

If you can't respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually you will not respect each other.

A well made marriage is worth the patience in waiting for it.

[Moy]

A well made marriage is worth the patience.




very well said Terpe:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[grahamw48]

Good post. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[HACHE]

Fantastic post Terpe, thanks very much.

Agree with what you say. I guess there are things we think and feel, but sometimes its good to here it from others too.

Its very true, I want her to focus on sorting the short term, then we have medium term( and time) to see if we can go further. Trying to jump over this, or bypass this stage is wrong, not wise at all.. To dismiss my reluctance to commit is a sign that we are a) poles apart, b) she doesnt respect the way I approach things....

And this I cant dismiss the red flag, of the motivation for pushing for it, of course ;)

Thanks

[joebloggs]

there are victims on this forum, thankfully only a small number, that were used so their partner could get to, or stay in the uk. so always becareful and make sure your not a member of that small group. :NoNo:

[zaxy]

Best to wait and see if she really loves.
If she loves you she will wait till you are ready to marry if not and she will find someone else to marry then i guess u will know she not trully love you but hey she already married in philippines so would cost alot money for annulment and takes time.

[London_Manila]

there are victims on this forum, thankfully only a small number, that were used so their partner could get to, or stay in the uk. so always becareful and make sure your not a member of that small group. :NoNo:

All the women i know in the philippines want to leave the philippines asap

if they can get to another country in the west then they have made it

all the pinoys i know here in London complain that life here is so hard and everything is so expensive

work that one out

[lastlid]

All the women i know in the philippines want to leave the philippines asap



I am not certain that this applies to all Filipinas......

[malditako]

I am not certain that this applies to all Filipinas......

agree....if we can just go back to phils tomorrow i would :)

[raynaputi]

All the women i know in the philippines want to leave the philippines asap



Stop generalizing..I know lots of women and men who didn't even think of leaving the Philippines..that includes my sister and my father who has been refusing to leave since I was little..

[raynaputi]

agree....if we can just go back to phils tomorrow i would :)

Same with me Grace! :D

[Steve.r]

All the women i know in the philippines want to leave the philippines asap

You use a big brush there buddy :crazy: :doh

[stevie c]

All the women i know in the philippines want to leave the philippines asap

if they can get to another country in the west then they have made it

all the pinoys i know here in London complain that life here is so hard and everything is so expensive

work that one out

It seems you don't know many Filipina women :NoNo:

[HACHE]

Thanks for all replies guys, it's always good to get a discussion going ;)
I understand and sympathise with her predicament, but I feel pressure falling on my shoulders is unfair. As I have said before, we've had alot of disagreements, misunderstandings that's been unpleasant lately, and this serves to remind me that, while we have very deep feelings, we still need to know each other more, that entering any logn term commitment ignoring this is crazy....in my mind if we have alot of good times, then cold bad times, rows and misunderstandings, then resentment will creep in and, those feelings of love will be eroded slowly and painfully....
Ah well....

[grahamw48]

Good that you know that your situation needs a lot of careful consideration anyway. :)

[HACHE]

Of course, yes I have my eyes open.
The odd things about all of this, it leads her to get a bit waspy...." if you're not willing to help me then I can't do much"...I decide to ignore a text as nothing I will say will be want she wants....and what she doens't get, is bringing more pressure and having a go wont bring me round by pressure, it just underlines even more in my mind that it maybe not for me...you squeeze a bar of soap too hard, rather than keeping it more, it jumps out more....

[Steve.r]

Good to think you are not rushing into this HACHE, pressure is not good. It does sound like you have already made your mind up to me. She must understand that whatever she does, it has to be right, not convienient.

[HACHE]

Good to think you are not rushing into this HACHE, pressure is not good. It does sound like you have already made your mind up to me. She must understand that whatever she does, it has to be right, not convienient.

Well, rightly or wrongly in my life I've always been over cautious, guess thats why I am still single.
She's turning the heat up as I write, with texts....:NoNo:

[Steve.r]

Dont worry about being single :) I only married my wife last year and I am 45. Plenty of time to find the 'right' one :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[hawk]

as the saying goes a wife,s for life not just for christmas it takes time to build a relationship and it takes one wrong one to distroy it if i had used my head in stead of my heart love tends to make us make missjugements but thats another path you make in time if your girl is the one rushing into married life will not make a good choice good luck on your choice

[South-east boy]

Of course, yes I have my eyes open.
The odd things about all of this, it leads her to get a bit waspy...." if you're not willing to help me then I can't do much"...I decide to ignore a text as nothing I will say will be want she wants....and what she doens't get, is bringing more pressure and having a go wont bring me round by pressure, it just underlines even more in my mind that it maybe not for me...you squeeze a bar of soap too hard, rather than keeping it more, it jumps out more....

She hasn't seemed to have thought things through clearly. Have you explained that it's not possible to do what she wants, because of the reasons Terpe mentioned above even if you did decide you would marry her? I like you wouldn't like to be pressured to marry and would only want to by my own choice, like you say it doesn't feel right when you are not ready.

I don't agree with what London_Manila says. Sure it is true for some, but I know a lot that would love to live back there and my girlfriend is quite happy to stay there for the rest of her life if it came to it and would only come here to be with me. Again, not every Filipina has to or wants to leave just so they can provide for the family, yes a lot do, but not ALL. A lot of them that do leave would prefer to stay, but sometimes have to leave so they can earn more abroad to provide for their family. It's not easy living apart from your close family.

[South-east boy]

Of course, yes I have my eyes open.
The odd things about all of this, it leads her to get a bit waspy...." if you're not willing to help me then I can't do much"...I decide to ignore a text as nothing I will say will be want she wants....and what she doens't get, is bringing more pressure and having a go wont bring me round by pressure, it just underlines even more in my mind that it maybe not for me...you squeeze a bar of soap too hard, rather than keeping it more, it jumps out more....

She hasn't seemed to have thought things through clearly. Have you explained that it's not possible to do what she wants, because of the reasons Terpe mentioned above even if you did decide you would marry her? I like you wouldn't like to be pressured to marry and would only want to by my own choice, like you say it doesn't feel right when you are not ready.

I don't agree with what London_Manila says. Sure it is true for some, but I know a lot that would love to live back there and my girlfriend is quite happy to stay there for the rest of her life if it came to it and would only come here to be with me. Again, not every Filipina has to or wants to leave just so they can provide for the family, yes a lot do, but not ALL. A lot of them that do leave would prefer to stay, but sometimes have to leave so they can earn more abroad to provide for their family. It's not easy living apart from your close family.

[HACHE]

Well, its funny you say that, about her not thinking things through, because of her situation of being married is a big spanner in the works anyway.... I've got another thread on the very subject...
I do think with my head rather than my heart ( though the heart does play a part in making things muddy and hard emotionally), always have done....firstly, the viability( being able to anyway), the time it takes to dispell any doubts we have, and build the relationship., then we plan the the long term if we come through those...
But I just don't feel right when someones trying to push this aside because of their own agenda....

[sars_notd_virus]

All the women i know in the philippines want to leave the philippines asap



Thats like me saying '' All the men i know in uk want to move to the Philippines asap''
Oh hold on, its nothin like that at all because my statement is actually true:D;)

[sars_notd_virus]

Of course, yes I have my eyes open.
The odd things about all of this, it leads her to get a bit waspy...." if you're not willing to help me then I can't do much"...I decide to ignore a text as nothing I will say will be want she wants....and what she doens't get, is bringing more pressure and having a go wont bring me round by pressure, it just underlines even more in my mind that it maybe not for me...you squeeze a bar of soap too hard, rather than keeping it more, it jumps out more....

Arguments is not a good start in a relationship ..most probably a sign of things to come:rolleyes:
obviously , i dunno the woman but am afraid it sounds like 'bail out time for me:crazy:...but then I am not always right like my husband:D

[joebloggs]

Thats like me saying '' All the men i know in uk want to move to the Philippines asap''
Oh hold on, its nothin like that at all because my statement is actually true:D;)

:icon_lol: not sure about that for me, unless someone can make me an air-con t-shirt :rolleyes:

[London_Manila]

I am not certain that this applies to all Filipinas......

I have never met one in the philippines that did not want away

[London_Manila]

Stop generalizing..I know lots of women and men who didn't even think of leaving the Philippines..that includes my sister and my father who has been refusing to leave since I was little..

Ok not all but i would still put it at around 99%

[London_Manila]

You use a big brush there buddy :crazy: :doh

It may seem like a big brush but in 10 years of visiting the philippines its what i have found

[London_Manila]

Thats like me saying '' All the men i know in uk want to move to the Philippines asap''
Oh hold on, its nothin like that at all because my statement is actually true:D;)

I like visiting the philippines but would never live there

[fred]

Thats like me saying '' All the men i know in uk want to move to the Philippines asap''
Oh hold on, its nothin like that at all because my statement is actually true:D;)

In my case your statement is VERY true!!:xxgrinning--00xx3:


Originally Posted by London_Manila
all the pinoys i know here in London complain that life here is so hard and everything is so expensive
work that one out Easy to work out because they are right!
Another reason I got the hell out of Dodge.

[Steve.r]

It may seem like a big brush but in 10 years of visiting the philippines its what i have found
So why do you keep on going back?? It appears you are only going there to play the field, which by your own statement you 'move on to the next one' if they ask for money. Sounds like you are looking in the wrong places. Bars or back allys are not going to find you a nice girls. But you can 'move on' right ?

[grahamw48]

10 years ?

The guy is only a learner. :NoNo:

Yes, I can well understand why anyone would want to leave London...and not just the Pinoys.

[London_Manila]

In my case your statement is VERY true!!:xxgrinning--00xx3:

Easy to work out because they are right!
Another reason I got the hell out of Dodge.

Some pinoys find out that the west is not the paradise that they thought it would be

[London_Manila]

So why do you keep on going back?? It appears you are only going there to play the field, which by your own statement you 'move on to the next one' if they ask for money. Sounds like you are looking in the wrong places. Bars or back allys are not going to find you a nice girls. But you can 'move on' right ?

I go back because i like to indulge and enjoy myself, I am not looking for a lifetime partner or a wife
I had a wife from south east asia before and that lasted 10 years and i have no plans to go down that road again

[London_Manila]

10 years ?

The guy is only a learner. :NoNo:

Yes, I can well understand why anyone would want to leave London...and not just the Pinoys.

10 years in the philippines and over 30 years in south east asia

i have been there seen it and done it :)

[grahamw48]

10 years in the philippines and over 30 years in south east asia

i have been there seen it and done it :)

.
...Probably caught it too.

I've been going to Asia since I was 4 years old.
So what. :rolleyes:


Best you stick to the sex tourist forums I reckon, where you can chat about Pattaya, Angeles City etc to your hearts content.
My last waste of words on you.

[zaxy]

london_manila may i ask why you join this forum as most the member that joined got a wife who if filo or enganged to one and just want advice about visa or any help at all but all u seem to be doing is telling not date a filopina as she only want a visa to be here.

I think u actually lonly and heart broken as your wife left you and still not got over it maybe you should get some help?

[London_Manila]

.
...Probably caught it too.

I've been going to Asia since I was 4 years old.
So what. :rolleyes:


Best you stick to the sex tourist forums I reckon, where you can chat about Pattaya, Angeles City etc to your hearts content.
My last waste of words on you.

Oh dear it looks like you have reverted to making assumptions again !

I dont pay for sex and i have no intrest in places like pattaya or angeles city

[imagine]

10 years in the philippines and over 30 years in south east asia

i have been there seen it and done it :)

your sums dont add up :D or you lie about your age :NoNo:

[London_Manila]

london_manila may i ask why you join this forum as most the member that joined got a wife who if filo or enganged to one and just want advice about visa or any help at all but all u seem to be doing is telling not date a filopina as she only want a visa to be here.

I think u actually lonly and heart broken as your wife left you and still not got over it maybe you should get some help?

I spend a lot of time in the philippines and i am intrested in anything to do with the philippines

surely this forum welcomes single guys aswell

heart broken far from it i was divorced over 10 years ago and actually enjoy the freedom i have now

[London_Manila]

Oh really so how old am i then ?

[imagine]

Oh really so how old am i then ?
my mistake i read ur 39 posts thinking it was your age :icon_lol:

[HACHE]

Ah well, there are a few posts on this thread...maybe a bit "off-topic" though..:doh

Anyway, update of my situation. Alot of silly arguments...if I don't text her the right thing, if I don't reciprocate the way she expects..all these crazy accusations that I am "pushing her away".....it's times like this I question "is this the way of the future?"....is she gona give me a hard time like this out of absolutely nothing, just barely trivial stuff and its not the first.
I think she's panicking, know she's running out of time, and perhaps frustrated that I am not giving her "direction" in our relationship....What I keep saying, now I am fed of of petty arguments about stupid things she should never be bothered about...and how on earth am I gona make a long term plan based on this rubbish going on??? I think I am treating ( with a hell of alot of patience) this like a relationship here, where I spend time trying to see if there's potential, but this isn't on her priorities, it doesn't matter, she just "needs" to stay....

[raynaputi]

Hi Hache..well she clearly says the real intent of wanting to marry you..her need to stay here in the UK..:doh You know what you gotta do..:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[HACHE]

Hi Hache..well she clearly says the real intent of wanting to marry you..her need to stay here in the UK..:doh You know what you gotta do..:xxgrinning--00xx3:

And I'm thinking you don't mean I should marry her...:yikes:
hehe

[grahamw48]

What's the rush...as far as you're concerned anyway ? :)

[HACHE]

Told her the other week no one ever wants to be pushed or pressured, and I'll only ever do that if it was right me me, not just convenient for her. And these silly petty arguments make me think twice about the long term viability anyway.....

[Dedworth]

Told her the other week no one ever wants to be pushed or pressured, and I'll only ever do that if it was right me me, not just convenient for her. And these silly petty arguments make me think twice about the long term viability anyway.....

She needs to shape up or ship out

[London_Manila]

Ah well, there are a few posts on this thread...maybe a bit "off-topic" though..:doh

Anyway, update of my situation. Alot of silly arguments...if I don't text her the right thing, if I don't reciprocate the way she expects..all these crazy accusations that I am "pushing her away".....it's times like this I question "is this the way of the future?"....is she gona give me a hard time like this out of absolutely nothing, just barely trivial stuff and its not the first.
I think she's panicking, know she's running out of time, and perhaps frustrated that I am not giving her "direction" in our relationship....What I keep saying, now I am fed of of petty arguments about stupid things she should never be bothered about...and how on earth am I gona make a long term plan based on this rubbish going on??? I think I am treating ( with a hell of alot of patience) this like a relationship here, where I spend time trying to see if there's potential, but this isn't on her priorities, it doesn't matter, she just "needs" to stay....

She is only playing up now because you are not playing ball with her

What with tougher immigration rules about to kick in for domestic workers in the uk then there will plenty more of this to come.
They cant stay here legally anymore and thats where you come in

She is demanding and hassle now so the last thing you want to do in marry her :NoNo:

Dump her now and let her find another victim

[HACHE]

She is only playing up now because you are not playing ball with her

What with tougher immigration rules about to kick in for domestic workers in the uk then there will plenty more of this to come.
They cant stay here legally anymore and thats where you come in

She is demanding and hassle now so the last thing you want to do in marry her :NoNo:

Dump her now and let her find another victim

It's a fair point. I fell for her, and I guess my patience in the early days just permitted her to become like this, but if its her true colours I am glad I know now....

[RickyR]

Everytime I see a post by LondonManila, it reminds me of these fat sweaty balding bitter men that you find in the skanky expat bars in the Philippines. You come across the same comments day in day out, by these guys sat at the bar staring down the end of the beer bottle and hanging out with bar girls and young girls and they think that these girls represent the country. The good ones wouldn't come near people like him.
A reason why I very rarely stepped in an expat bar whilst living in the Philippines.
There is another forum called LINC where you'll find some like minded people.

[Dedworth]

Everytime I see a post by LondonManila, it reminds me of these fat sweaty balding bitter men that you find in the skanky expat bars in the Philippines. You come across the same comments day in day out, by these guys sat at the bar staring down the end of the beer bottle and hanging out with bar girls and young girls and they think that these girls represent the country. The good ones wouldn't come near people like him.
A reason why I very rarely stepped in an expat bar whilst living in the Philippines.
There is another forum called LINC where you'll find some like minded people.

:appl: Well said Ricky

[grahamw48]

Totally agree.

Those dens of iniquity should be restricted to the young slim handsome and cheerful types.:xxgrinning--00xx3:

http://img705.imageshack.us/img705/1764/negs2009.jpg

[London_Manila]

Everytime I see a post by LondonManila, it reminds me of these fat sweaty balding bitter men that you find in the skanky expat bars in the Philippines. You come across the same comments day in day out, by these guys sat at the bar staring down the end of the beer bottle and hanging out with bar girls and young girls and they think that these girls represent the country. The good ones wouldn't come near people like him.
A reason why I very rarely stepped in an expat bar whilst living in the Philippines.
There is another forum called LINC where you'll find some like minded people.

Excuse me :yikes:

I am not fat have a full head of hair and i dont drink any alcohol tee total in fact

I do not frequent expat go-go bars or any other kind of bars in the philippines

I dont remember saying or implying that all the woman in the philippines were pokpoks

For your information the last lady i dated in the philippines is a doctor and we remain good friends and we always
go out for something to eat when i am in makati

omg and some people accuse me of making assumptions :rolleyes:

[fred]

Totally agree.

Those dens of iniquity should be restricted to the young slim handsome and cheerful types.:xxgrinning--00xx3:

http://img705.imageshack.us/img705/1764/negs2009.jpg

:icon_lol:... Nice one!

[joebloggs]

i dont drink any alcohol tee total in fact

For your information the last lady i dated in the philippines is a doctor and we remain good friends and we always


did your Doctor g/f make a differential diagnosis of your problem :Erm: sounds like to me its bitter-itus.

treatment - maybe she could prescribe a bit of :icon_lol: for you, maybe that's your problem, you should start :party-smiley-012: and cheer up a bit :D, your so negative if you were in a dark room you would develop :rolleyes:

fyi - i married a Filipina Doctor, within the next couple of months she starts training to be a GP :icon_sorry::xxgrinning--00xx3: only 1 out of 100 filipinos ever to be registered by the GMC, and instead of putting Filipinas down and only posting about the dark side, maybe you could try and promote the good things :rolleyes:

[RickyR]

Well, LondonManila, I'm really not sure where your negativity comes from, but it does sound like the same bitter line I've heard in various expat dives in South East Asia. Often a complete misunderstanding of the culture or associating with the wrong kind of people, or those that their fingers burnt early on due to their own nativity.

This forum has a wealth of experience, and yes occasionally we see people get burnt, but on the most part Anglo-Filipina relationships seem to be very successful.

[joebloggs]

Everytime I see a post by LondonManila, it reminds me of these fat sweaty balding bitter men that you find in the skanky expat bars in the Philippines. You come across the same comments day in day out, by these guys sat at the bar staring down the end of the beer bottle and hanging out with bar girls and young girls and they think that these girls represent the country. The good ones wouldn't come near people like him.
A reason why I very rarely stepped in an expat bar whilst living in the Philippines.
There is another forum called LINC where you'll find some like minded people.

maybe this will be you in the future :yikes: if you dont change your ways:NoNo:, like scrooge you can change :rolleyes:

http://one1more2time3.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/scrooge039-web.jpg


Totally agree.

Those dens of iniquity should be restricted to the young slim handsome and cheerful types.:xxgrinning--00xx3:

http://img705.imageshack.us/img705/1764/negs2009.jpg

maybe on your next visit Graham, you can show London_Manila a good time :D

[grahamw48]

That was BEFORE I got married Joe, I would hasten to add. :D

As I did run a (non-bar) business in Angeles for several years I'm pretty au fait with the goings-on there. :)

[London_Manila]

did your Doctor g/f make a differential diagnosis of your problem :Erm: sounds like to me its bitter-itus.

treatment - maybe she could prescribe a bit of :icon_lol: for you, maybe that's your problem, you should start :party-smiley-012: and cheer up a bit :D, your so negative if you were in a dark room you would develop :rolleyes:

fyi - i married a Filipina Doctor, within the next couple of months she starts training to be a GP :icon_sorry::xxgrinning--00xx3: only 1 out of 100 filipinos ever to be registered by the GMC, and instead of putting Filipinas down and only posting about the dark side, maybe you could try and promote the good things :rolleyes:

Of course there are a lot of good things going on in the philippines and thats why i am back there in june
I just hope this China thing calms down because the last thing i need is all that kicking off when i am out there.

No the doctor never offered me any treatment and a good job she did not have too as she works as a consultant in oncology
i did get the usual "advice" about my smoking habit though

[bigmarco]

Of course there are a lot of good things going on in the philippines and thats why i am back there in june
I just hope this China thing calms down because the last thing i need is all that kicking off when i am out there.

No the doctor never offered me any treatment and a good job she did not have too as she works as a consultant in oncology
i did get the usual "advice" about my smoking habit though

Don't know why you bother going there as you haven't got a good word to say about the people.

[malditako]

It's a fair point. I fell for her, and I guess my patience in the early days just permitted her to become like this, but if its her true colours I am glad I know now....

I can imagine how you feel being pressured by your situation where heart and mind dont go same way.

just my thoughts...if i put myself into your shoe and i so sure about the feelings for this girl I would never have a second thought of marrying her especially if that would solve her problem regardless of her intentions. Others may have disagree but thats how love works often than not. If you're 100% in love with this girl you wouldn't be here asking advices as you really know what to do. Petty quarrels and silly arguments are always part of relationship. All couples in love do fights. :) and still remain together . I am pretty sure you know what your mind and your heart tells you what to do :)

[HACHE]

I can imagine how you feel being pressured by your situation where heart and mind dont go same way.

just my thoughts...if i put myself into your shoe and i so sure about the feelings for this girl I would never have a second thought of marrying her especially if that would solve her problem regardless of her intentions. Others may have disagree but thats how love works often than not. If you're 100% in love with this girl you wouldn't be here asking advices as you really know what to do. Petty quarrels and silly arguments are always part of relationship. All couples in love do fights. :) and still remain together . I am pretty sure you know what your mind and your heart tells you what to do :)

Thanks for the reply.
You're right in saying if I was 100% I wouldn't be seeking advice here. Or anywhere for that matter.
But for me I guess I needed to confirm to myself why i am not 100%....Genuine misgivings that I am not admitting to myself, or is it my temdancy to be overcautious and do the easy thing and just walk when things seem a bit complicated...
Anyway, seems fate is forcing our hands. She's been told that she's only got 2 months to find a college, and a new course would cost £4-6K and only can do one year, during which she'll not be able to legally work unless that course is at a university. She's resigned herself to just going home. I think I have aswell.
Ah well....part of life's complicated tapestry...

[grahamw48]

You'll be able to visit her in her home country.

Brilliant place. :xxgrinning--00xx3: