Introducing again

[shinx]

Hi I have just had an awful break up with my fiancee in Philippines and hoping to make a friend here in the UK now.

[Rhose]

first of all welcome, to the forum shinx! :Hellooo: hope you can find more friend here..:smile:

[shinx]

thank you so much i had such a terrible time this last few weeks.

[Dedworth]

Good luck on your quest Shinx

[stevewool]

hi, its been a long time since you posted, aint there any chance of getting back together

[shinx]

i am trying but right now she will not talk, i have sent flowers for tomorrow, written all the right words. up to her, but i am allowing her all time she wants, still giving love and care

[stevewool]

thats all we can do is just to let them know we are still here, but on the other hand you cannot wait forever

[shinx]

yes thats why for my own sanity i am trying to find a friend and be honest at same time

[stevewool]

the best policy is always to be honest with yourself and with those you are talking too, sometimes its hard to face the truth and to be told the truth too, but its the only way

[irishman12]

hi ,i have a friend that is in similar situation to you-not looking good for him

[stevewool]

hi ,i have a friend that is in similar situation to you-not looking good for him

bloody hell irishman tell it how it is:doh:doh, we are here to wish him goodluck:smile:

[Rosie1958]

Sorry to hear about your upsetting time Shinx, I do hope that you can work things out. Good luck :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[shinx]

I was always serious and sincere yes and know its the only way in long distance relationships. thanks to all for your good wishes very appreciated. the problem was regarding an unfaithfulness that was such a shock.

[sars_notd_virus]

I was always serious and sincere yes and know its the only way in long distance relationships. thanks to all for your good wishes very appreciated. the problem was regarding an unfaithfulness that was such a shock.

sorry to read about your bad news ...but are you ready for another jump??? moving on doesnt mean to find another one or a rebound ..it takes time.

[shinx]

i am just looking a friend, nothing more and I havnt given up and nothing to with rebound just trying to keep sane, my emotions rollercoaster.

[sars_notd_virus]

Sorry if ive offended you...just giving a heads up!! weve all been there at some point in time...letting go doesnt need to have someone with you...(if you know what i mean???)
...if you desperately need ''just'' a friend , we can all be here for you!!

[shinx]

you didnt just wanted to clarify. tough times.

[sars_notd_virus]

yeah i know...sometimes you just need to shout it out!!

... a lot of members here update on where they going how things were or how $hit happens....and a lot of feedback helps...so when things turn out sour or sweet just update us...you are not alone.

[marksroomspain]

I just want to wish the guy good luck he must be devastated by this

[sars_notd_virus]

I just want to wish the guy good luck he must be devastated by this

you must have not been in the same situation??

[marksroomspain]

I feel what he feels sars_notd_virus I do know I just hope he can sort things out hope everything is ok shinx take care.

[stevewool]

being so far from each other can be a problem, one of the biggest problems is comunication and then trust have to have both to make a go of things

[shinx]

she will not reply for one week and she knows today is my birthday. I found out myself accidentally through a secret facebook page she has she gave birth end of September (when I know ostensibly visiting relatives out of cell area) and for 2 weeks after chatting me as if nothing happened. found also a cheek to cheek picture with the father at an event I remember I payed for her to go to and a new dress. That was so awful to see. I have written forgiving her if only she will talk. sorry to post this yes I am devastated. the facebook page was deleted after I sent a friend request and her bf blocked me from his. I was supporting her and her family all this time with never any reason to doubt and daily contact kept me confident with that. dont want to believe I have been used but her silence is deafening.

[shinx]

' being so far from each other can be a problem, one of the biggest problems is comunication and then trust have to have both to make a go of things' - Like.

[marksroomspain]

I know myself like many others have done here how hard it is to be away from somebody you love also the trust involved is very hard are you saying the child is not yours shinx and anything else you wish to get of your chest I am sure that there is many people on here who are willing to listen and be a friend right now at this terrible time...

[marksroomspain]

Are you married?

[shinx]

we were engaged in January, and recently discussing my return and we had agreed the wedding date as Feb 18. An 'positive' day as they call it there. her sister has mental problems from a road accident and i always told her i accept her too as a responsibility. she was due to travel to Cebu this last week school vacation time to get fabric for the wedding gown. this morning i visited the gp and started taking Diazepam for anxiety relief to help me through the day and stop waking in the night to check messages that are not there. when you are used to messages when you wake always there for you and look forward to chats later in the day its so hard now.

[sars_notd_virus]

i am trying but right now she will not talk, i have sent flowers for tomorrow, written all the right words. up to her, but i am allowing her all time she wants, still giving love and care


the problem was regarding an unfaithfulness that was such a shock.


she will not reply for one week and she knows today is my birthday. I found out myself accidentally through a secret facebook page she has she gave birth end of September (when I know ostensibly visiting relatives out of cell area) and for 2 weeks after chatting me as if nothing happened. found also a cheek to cheek picture with the father at an event I remember I payed for her to go to and a new dress. That was so awful to see. I have written forgiving her if only she will talk. sorry to post this yes I am devastated. the facebook page was deleted after I sent a friend request and her bf blocked me from his. I was supporting her and her family all this time with never any reason to doubt and daily contact kept me confident with that. dont want to believe I have been used but her silence is deafening.


we were engaged in January, and recently discussing my return and we had agreed the wedding date as Feb 18. An 'positive' day as they call it there. her sister has mental problems from a road accident and i always told her i accept her too as a responsibility. she was due to travel to Cebu this last week school vacation time to get fabric for the wedding gown. this morning i visited the gp and started taking Diazepam for anxiety relief to help me through the day and stop waking in the night to check messages that are not there. when you are used to messages when you wake always there for you and look forward to chats later in the day its so hard now.

I know its hard but worry about yourself shinx looks like your gf scammed you ...cut your losses mate and try to move on a little bit!!
and
Happy Birthday from all of us here!!

[RickyR]

Hi Shinx, I'm so sorry to hear if your situation, I can't imagine what your going through. Just try to stay rational, it certainly does sound like she was a scammer, but I hope this doesn't taint your views on Filipinas.

If you need to talk, feel free to PM me.

[shinx]

I had no reason to think of her as a scammer ever we knew each other for 2 and a half years now from first chat but yes it has ended up that way, so hard to accept and get her out of my mind. In many conversations she shared important and some personal things. conversations each day were detailed and every day we talked, anything and everything and continued to both ask for reassurance. I could call her anytime and did. I am not a stupid guy at all but seems I have been now. I still see her as a good person even with this, she often made wise comments ahead of her age. I respect Filipino of course and will continue too but still you must check and recheck in a long distance relationship if your even a smallest doubt raise it, and I did, but should have been more thorough. I wish could talk to her but I cant of what did happen and why. She missed personal and that guy could give her that and probably she found herself in a tough situation between him and someone supportive. Just wishes she would have been honest and she would have known I will understand but perhaps also she didnt want to face the shame, who knows but I should put all these questions away now. I am feeling if I meet a filipina here its better so you can get the face to face situation so you can be more sure.

[stevewool]

well you are not the first and you will not be the last, take you time and take each day as it comes, try to keep busy and do not make contact with her at all,

[raynaputi]

she will not reply for one week and she knows today is my birthday. I found out myself accidentally through a secret facebook page she has she gave birth end of September (when I know ostensibly visiting relatives out of cell area) and for 2 weeks after chatting me as if nothing happened. found also a cheek to cheek picture with the father at an event I remember I payed for her to go to and a new dress. That was so awful to see. I have written forgiving her if only she will talk. sorry to post this yes I am devastated. the facebook page was deleted after I sent a friend request and her bf blocked me from his. I was supporting her and her family all this time with never any reason to doubt and daily contact kept me confident with that. dont want to believe I have been used but her silence is deafening.

I know it will be hard shinx, but she obviously cheated and scammed you. We have a trusted member here, named mick, who had that same situation..well the difference is he married the scammer and then when he got back to UK, his wife went back to her bf and had a baby off him..then after giving birth she went to UK and obviously just used mick (of course without him knowing everything until someone informed him)..consider yourself lucky in escaping the situation quite easy.

[MissAna]

she will not reply for one week and she knows today is my birthday. I found out myself accidentally through a secret facebook page she has she gave birth end of September (when I know ostensibly visiting relatives out of cell area) and for 2 weeks after chatting me as if nothing happened. found also a cheek to cheek picture with the father at an event I remember I payed for her to go to and a new dress. That was so awful to see. I have written forgiving her if only she will talk. sorry to post this yes I am devastated. the facebook page was deleted after I sent a friend request and her bf blocked me from his. I was supporting her and her family all this time with never any reason to doubt and daily contact kept me confident with that. dont want to believe I have been used but her silence is deafening.



I know it will be hard shinx, but she obviously cheated and scammed you. We have a trusted member here, named mick, who had that same situation..well the difference is he married the scammer and then when he got back to UK, his wife went back to her bf and had a baby off him..then after giving birth she went to UK and obviously just used mick (of course without him knowing everything until someone informed him)..consider yourself lucky in escaping the situation quite easy.

how could someone do these kind of thing?! how could they sleep after doing such a horrible thing?! :NoNo: and knowing a filipina like myself could do it. :doh it's really unforgiving to cheat and scam people. :cwm23: i hope you will find a new girl and be happy because you deserve it :xxgrinning--00xx3::smile:

[Andrew1971]

Im sorry to hear that Shinx,I really hope that You both can fix Your relantionship....and if You both TRUELY love each other...surely You can fix it :-)....my advice for You,just be nice and kind no matter what and honest with Her.Give Her little bit time and space,She will calm down...that what I do when I have problem with my wife...and its working ;-)...good idea with flowers! Hopely we all will hear happy endning ;-)

[raynaputi]

Im sorry to hear that Shinx,I really hope that You both can fix Your relantionship....and if You both TRUELY love each other...surely You can fix it :-)....my advice for You,just be nice and kind no matter what and honest with Her.Give Her little bit time and space,She will calm down...that what I do when I have problem with my wife...and its working ;-)...good idea with flowers! Hopely we all will hear happy endning ;-)

Errr...have you read what he posted..his fiancee just gave birth to another guy's baby on September..she was cheating him and scamming him..:NoNo: There's clearly nothing to fix with regards to their relationship..:NoNo:

[Andrew1971]

OOOOOOPPPPPSSSS!.....my mistake Raynputi :icon_rolleyes: ,but I miss that part,thank You for cerrecting me :-) Hm...I try to be positive and encourage shinx,but in that case situation is more difficult for shinx.Alll best for Him.

[shinx]

thanks so much to all your effort to understand my side its the best i can figure from what I know to be true. i dont have the benefit of her side of it so becomes a kind of 'smoking gun'. If she would make effort to prove trust is still possible and continue that way my real love and care would not have been wasted because I am prepared but takes 2. And dont worry have from today my 'emergency' Diazepam and starting on the Fluoxetine :)

[bigmarco]

thanks so much to all your effort to understand my side its the best i can figure from what I know to be true. i dont have the benefit of her side of it so becomes a kind of 'smoking gun'. If she would make effort to prove trust is still possible and continue that way my real love and care would not have been wasted because I am prepared but takes 2. And dont worry have from today my 'emergency' Diazepam and starting on the Fluoxetine :)

Probably best not to hear her side as it will probably be a pack of lies. Very sad to read your heartache and I hope you will be able to move on quickly.

[stevewool]

allways two side to everything, but what you have said so far about your lady does not sound to good, like i have said try to stop all contact with her, it may be hard for you to do that but she has done it to you so just reverse the rolls, then in time it will get easy, we are all here to listen and help in someways,

[shinx]

my attempts at contact has stopped however the incredulousness of what has happened has not, my original image of her wont go away. its kind of should you really lose faith in human nature knowing that we all make mistakes and bad judgements and change over time. but granted this is almost too hard to forgive and now being replaced with just anger.

[stevewool]

never lose faith on human nature, we are all differant, one day your worst nightmare the next your best friend, you are hurt and you cannot get the answers you want from the person who can give it too you, remember most of us on here have been burnt at one stage in our lives sometimes many times, we men are fools when it comes to love, but dont change that,if you are feeling angry now you have past the forgiving bit, just let the days roll by and soon you will know what has hppened has happened for the best, do not let this put you off the true ladies that are looking for you

[shinx]

thanks so much, she ticked all the boxes till now. so very very hard for me is why i hope to meet a filipina here now so we can take our time and easier to trust. fyi the flowers i sent were delivered yesterday received by her mom.

[stevewool]

may i ask what age was she, and did her mum thank you for the flowers,

[shinx]

22, and yes I know huge difference but it was never apparent in the relationship because I am very young thinking and she mature in attitude in majority of things. our time together in Cebu was perfect. nothing from the mother tho she has my cell no.

[stevewool]

time to move on mate, been there done that, life does get better look at us all on here

[shinx]

moving on yes agreed but will take me a little longer than just one week with this. ty so much all your support.

[MissAna]

moving on yes agreed but will take me a little longer than just one week with this. ty so much all your support.

yes moving on is the best thing to do. remember everything happens for a reason so just be patient soon you'll find Ms. right :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[shinx]

thank you Ana. I dont want to write too much more on this for danger of repeating but what I really cant cope with after 2 and a half years daily relationship sudden no contact, therefore no closure.

[stevewool]

there is closure from her side it seems, most of the ladies who will read this thread have said what a rotter she is, that is what Ems has said also, you have been used so move on, she says it our it is,dont worry about repeating yourself on here or any other thread,

[shinx]

the thing I am trying so hard to resolve in my mind is how much of this did I bring on myself? why couldnt i figure this would happen as i do know girls sit and chat just for money and i have known them but to me Cindy was 100% different but look seems I was so wrong. its been said here there are good ones but however can anyone who commits ever be sure.

[Michael Parnham]

Hi shinx, I know its easy to say "move on with your life" but you will find time is a great healer, then you will be able to move forward, Good luck for the not to distant future!

[stevewool]

its been said here there are good ones but however can anyone who commits ever be sure.[/QUOTE]

there are good ones, lots of them, its just the trust thing, i was talking to Ems for over 3 years before i went over to meet her, its down to beleiving in what you both tell each other, remember you are thousands of miles from each other, we all talk to differant people all the time, its knowing how far you want to take it, yes i know i am lucky but also Ems is lucky too,

[shinx]

UPDATE - i was thinking to close this thread but at 7am today Cindy contacted me, we had a discussion to see if its possible to move forward.

[irishman12]

bloody hell irishman tell it how it is:doh:doh, we are here to wish him goodluck:smile:

sure i can wish him goodluck but to me looks like too late if your girlfriend has baby with someone else ,like my friend is arriving in manila next week and his gf has decided to go abroad to work just before he arrives -only letting him know a week before -what you suggest -he follow her to that country :Erm:

[raynaputi]

UPDATE - i was thinking to close this thread but at 7am today Cindy contacted me, we had a discussion to see if its possible to move forward.

:cwm24: a big mistake :doh..but it's up to you..:NoNo:

[shinx]

appreciate your comments and yes its my feeling too but every situation is different - we must talk and I must hear her out or my love was not real

[mickcant]

Hi Shinx,
This is Mick who rayna mentioned in her post.
I too loved my girl very much, love and trust go together in a relationship, I could not accept what I found was happening, she had the Filipino boyfriend long before our marriage, then disappeared for 4 months or so after with the money I had left her for her settlement visa and travel cost, that she told me she wanted to arrange herself.

She got back in touch with me when they had spent the money!
I did not know about the boyfriend she said she had left home because her father tried to take the money!

She came to the UK around 18 months after the wedding and a few weeks after giving birth, she slept on top of the bed in her cloths because she did not want me to see the scars from her caesarean birth I expect, she went home after 12 days saying she was too homesick.

Then when I said I would divorce her to set her free as even I knew by then she did not love me she said she wanted to return and make our marriage work, despite advice from friends here, I again paid for her to come back, after a few weeks she left and moved in with Filipino friends, she only ever wanted the money and visa so she could work in the UK and send money home to her boyfriend.

I found out about the baby from one of the Filipina friends she was living with because she was having an affair with her partner and she wanted her out the way.
I loved her and could not see what she was doing always wanting to give her the benefit of the dough.

I did divorce her, she remained in the UK after the settlement visa ran out but I believe is now back in the Philippines but have never been told by the UKBA.

The mental anguish she put me through was so great my employer made me take early retirement.
She had around £22.000 pound from me but the money was nothing compared to the mental torture from the many lies she told me.
You will do what you think best, but if she is lying to you please think hard.:doh
Mick.:smile:








I know it will be hard shinx, but she obviously cheated and scammed you. We have a trusted member here, named mick, who had that same situation..well the difference is he married the scammer and then when he got back to UK, his wife went back to her bf and had a baby off him..then after giving birth she went to UK and obviously just used mick (of course without him knowing everything until someone informed him)..consider yourself lucky in escaping the situation quite easy.

[shinx]

Hi Mick I dont know how you survived all that and truth is somehow you do but life does it to us doesnt it :( I wont allow that to happen to me as much as has to you for sure and thank you for sharing it. I know it can work if both are honest and sincere.I did not tell her I was undergoing a divorce when she and I started talking and she the one found out I was still technically married from the web. I know with Cindy she has a very hard daily life there and missed personal and is very young. She is not a bad person and its up to us to take a lot of time now to decide whats best for both of us. The guy involved was her Timeline pic for around a month this year then removed and in all her friends pages and his friends there was no 'smoking gun' comment or picture anywhere else about her. Only ever found one picture of them together anywhere. There is no guarantee in anything, all is a risk but you have to make decisions based on best information, the worst is not to make any decision at all and always wonder...

[simply.gurl]

hi hello shinx,
I am so sorry to hear that..I hope you are ok ....xxxx:smile:

[shinx]

I am taking the tablets :)

[Dedworth]

Plenty more fish in the sea Shinx I'd terminate all contact with her now there isn't any justification for what she's done.

[bigmarco]

Plenty more fish in the sea Shinx I'd terminate all contact with her now there isn't any justification for what she's done.

Dedworths right. You should terminate all contact with her as you will never be able to trust her again. Don't waste your time or your money anymore she will only let you down again.

[shinx]

I am far too scared now to get involved in another long distance relationship.


Plenty more fish in the sea Shinx I'd terminate all contact with her now there isn't any justification for what she's done.

[mickcant]

I am far too scared now to get involved in another long distance relationship.

I am too and my marriage was in 2008
I have not had a relationship since, and do not think I will now but I am older than you I am now 68.
Mick.:olddude:

[shinx]

I am too and my marriage was in 2008
I have not had a relationship since, and do not think I will now but I am older than you I am now 68.
Mick.:olddude:

understand you very well

[Rhose]

I am far too scared now to get involved in another long distance relationship.
been like you before, scared of long distance relationship after what happened on my past. But time change my mind when I met my husband.
Moving on and letting go of your feelings is not that easy but for sure life will give you a big change. I'm looking forward that God will give me the best for me that's why it happened. It hurts..yes! so much pain..we're not in control.. It takes time to heal and make myself busy of somethings. Love is just always around...it will happen in a perfect time.. you'll be happy just like me....
don't worry you'll find the perfect match for you, your ms. right..

[shinx]

thank you Rhose I am hoping but it seems for me like Mick time is running out now

[Rhose]

thank you Rhose I am hoping but it seems for me like Mick time is running out now
I understand, but you don't look like old...just the age :)

[shinx]

I understand, but you don't look like old...just the age :)
thank you I have been told that many times :) inside I feel 28, love fun and adventure, will keep young for sure given the chance. hopefully can find someone to help that so we can share life together to the full.

[stevewool]

well if you are as young as you feel then dont stop,get talking and chatting to others and get on holiday, we are all a long time dead, so live life to the max and enjoy others company

[shinx]

well if you are as young as you feel then dont stop,get talking and chatting to others and get on holiday, we are all a long time dead, so live life to the max and enjoy others company
right now thinking to meet someone here, long distance bit me bad

[Rhose]

right now thinking to meet someone here, long distance bit me bad
good to hear that :xxgrinning--00xx3:...life is short, live the fullest of it..stay happy and stay young...:smile: