Hi AryM, I would like to requote a part of one of my posts in answer to you:
"The best thing to do is have a forgiving heart at all times and a generous spirit towards them. If they seek forgiveness receive them with open arms. If they do not change and you cannot trust them a different matter. You must still forgive but that doesn't mean they can still remain your friend or that you can trust them. They need to earn back your trust. But love them anyway, but be wary of them"
Of course it is much easier to do this if we are talking about friends/enemies but if you are referring to a husband - not so easy. Very delicate.
If a husband or wife has done something which hurts deeply it IS very difficult to continue your life as if nothing happened. It DID happen! You are not expected to forget it, but you should forgive!
The bible says that God remembers our sins no more. It doesn't say He forgets because God is perfect and cannot forget but He CHOOSES to remember no more. A matter of choice to choose not to keep bringing it back up in your thoughts. If your husband shows evidence of remorse you should forgive. If the fruit of his remorse shows a change of heart in him, it IS possible to regain your trust in him. Yes, it may take time but where forgiveness abounds hurts heal much more quickly. But what if he is not remorseful or does not have a change of heart? What should you do?
It all depends upon what he has done. In the case of adultery, if he refuses to change there is only one option open according to the bible and that is separation, but NOT divorce. The bible teaches that if 2 people cannot resolve their differences they should remain separated until they can be reconciled, but they are not allowed to remarry someone else because in God's eyes the first 2 are still married together. However, this rule is specifically for born-again committed christians, who seek to put God first in their lives.
I wrote this on the thread entitled
What do you think? should love should be unconditional? I think it might be appropriate.
"Love is not love if it is conditional - it is purely selfish love. ie "I will love you if you do this or that". Where is the security in a relationship if one or the other always wonders if they are meeting the conditions or not. I mean, will you ever be secure that the other partner is not going to leave because you have not satisfied them enough. For a marriage to work it is important to understand that it is a lifetime committment NO MATTER WHAT in God's eyes. The law of the land should NEVER overide what God set in place. Two people should understand (before they get married) that it should be a lifetime committment with NO conditions set on each other apart from loving each other. If either of the parties is not prepared for that, they should NOT get married!
I can empathise and sympathise with those marriages where one of the partners totally lives for themselves.
It is indeed true that the only one who shows unconditional love is Jesus. It is not true that He puts conditions on that love. Ephesians chapter 2 says that we are saved by grace (God's unmerited favour, unearned) not by works, ie there are no "works" required as a condition to receive that love. All we need to do is simply believe on Him (after presenting your soul to Him in repentance) and rest on the assurance that you can now experience His love unconditionally because He has made you clean inside and out from your sinful nature. So from that moment, the relationship with God is like a marriage. It is a contract which we both enter into. Once you decide to receive Him as your Saviour He will love you without conditions because He has bought you with His blood into His family. He will NEVER cease to love you from that moment - no matter what you do.
The greek word "AGAPE" means divine love and is unconditional love. It is agape love referred to in 1 Corinthians 13 when it says love is patient, love is kind, love is long suffering, love bears all things etc. Actually we of ourselves cannot achieve this in our sinful fallen nature. This is divine love. However, with Jesus living in us through His Holy Spirit we are empowered to manage that sort of love.
Regards relationships: it is true that two people cannot function properly in a relationship if one does all the taking and the other all the giving. If two people are committed christians who love God first, the relationship is more likely to flourish but if one or both of you are not "born-again" by the Holy Spirit I think that ground rules are necessary because without divine love within your souls I think unconditional love is impossible.
But once you make the decision to get married then whatever happens you MUST do everything you can to make the marriage work because of your vows"
