slightly annoyed with my 'family'

[Arthur Little]

each year we send my family back home a balikbayan box. it gets there xmas time, it makes me feel better celebrating xmas here knowing they all have what their greedy hearts desire..

this box is costing me a fortune, they all want things and i have got no heart to say no. my son matthew has a psp to give to my younger brother, now my nieces and nephew want one too, on top of the nintendo dsi i have brought for them already. they also want all the latest game which cost £30-40 each. mobile phones is on the list too.

it makes me sad coz they do not even text me to say hello or how are you, but lately i get at least 10 texts a day with, oh can u buy me this :(...

i just needed to get this off my chest, ranting over now i have to get on packing a buying some more things :(

You have my sympathy, but I DO think you need to explain to the family members you're most in touch with, that the cost of living here in the UK is a lot higher than it is in many parts of the world. When Myrna first came to this country back in March, she could scarcely believe the price tags on many commodities that [anywhere] are regarded as basic everyday necessities ... let alone "non essentials" like computer games, mobile phones and so forth.

Worth a try!

[maria_and_matt]

You have my sympathy, but I DO think you need to explain to the family members you're most in touch with, that the cost of living here in the UK is a lot higher than it is in many parts of the world. When Myrna first came to this country back in March, she could scarcely believe the price tags on many commodities that [anywhere] are regarded as basic everyday necessities ... let alone "non essentials" like computer games, mobile phones and so forth.

Worth a try!

they know how expensive it is here, most of them have been here to visit us. i just cant say no to the kids i feel so sorry for them, as i know they have very little to play with. i think most of this stems from me feeling guilty about the life my hubby gives us, i know how hard life can be back home, so i try to give them everything they ask for.

in the beginning it was just my sons old toys, old consoles, but all that is gone now. i am staring at my box wondering what to get to fill it up

[nigel]

Filipinas very much love their families and make big sacrifices for them, my Vimvie does, I don't try to stop her but I wish she could realize that SACRIFICE/COMPRIMISE is bad!

Taking out loans so you can give your family even more money is just ridiculous!

My motto is:

If you have recieved an abundance of money, then your in a position to give money!

If you have little money and you are even giving that, then you are SACRIFICING not giving, COMPRIMISING your own well being, you are leaving yourself with nothing, you simply can't do that cause your life matters too!

You should never "comprimise" yourself! Ensure your own needs are met first!

[bornatbirth]

so so sad to say that they are my immediate family.. my hubby gave me £1k for the box, that is almost gone, i am now using my own savings. i am so sick of this box already it is giving me stress..

do you have trouble saying no?

if so can i have £1000

btw why buy new games when you can get 20 fake games in the philipines for half the price of a new game in the uk?

Filipinas very much love their families and make big sacrifices for them, my Vimvie does, I don't try to stop her but I wish she could realize that SACRIFICE/COMPRIMISE is bad!

Taking out loans so you can give your family even more money is just ridiculous!

My motto is:

If you have recieved an abundance of money, then your in a position to give money!

If you have little money and you are even giving that, then you are SACRIFICING not giving, COMPRIMISING your own well being, you are leaving yourself with nothing, you simply can't do that cause your life matters too!

You should never "comprimise" yourself! Ensure your own needs are met first!

well said

[maria_and_matt]

Filipinas very much love their families and make big sacrifices for them, my Vimvie does, I don't try to stop her but I wish she could realize that SACRIFICE/COMPRIMISE is bad!

Taking out loans so you can give your family even more money is just ridiculous!

My motto is:

If you have recieved an abundance of money, then your in a position to give money!

If you have little money and you are even giving that, then you are SACRIFICING not giving, COMPRIMISING your own well being, you are leaving yourself with nothing, you simply can't do that cause your life matters too!

You should never "comprimise" yourself! Ensure your own needs are met first!

we buy the games here as a bundle, i got a nintendo dsi with 2 games that they wanted, and i am not so sure if the games back home will work with the consoles brought here.

my husband and i give them money we have, we do not intend to borrow so we can finance their 'wants'. i am just fairly lucky that my husband lets me do all the things i do for my family without moaning. i do not work and all of the things that i give my family is from my husband.. i never asked him to do this for me or my family, he lost his parents 8 yrs ago and he told me that he considers my family as his now, and does not mind helping out, but i think that my family is abusing my husbands generosity.

[jaishann]

my husband and i give them money we have, we do not intend to borrow so we can finance their 'wants'. i am just fairly lucky that my husband lets me do all the things i do for my family without moaning. i do not work and all of the things that i give my family is from my husband.. i never asked him to do this for me or my family, he lost his parents 8 yrs ago and he told me that he considers my family as his now, and does not mind helping out, but i think that my family is abusing my husbands generosity. [/QUOTE]

just be reminded my dear that needs and wants are two different things. as we all dont know what the future brings , think about yourselves as well as there will be time you might need help and you'd be upset if you spent it all when you had it and nothings left when you need it..

[pumpkins]

hi maria..i know every filipina have a different kind of situation in terms of family..
of course if one of my family member need help,i will give a helping hand in time of their needs.i dont have a heartstone but if they become abusive,well well well i wont accept that..my family knew me anyway as
" kuripot ".
and about the money thing, it should be discuss between husband and wife

[IainBusby]

hi maria..i know every filipina have a different kind of situation in terms of family..
of course if one of my family member need help,i will give a helping hand in time of their needs.i dont have a heartstone but if they become abusive,well well well i wont accept that..my family knew me anyway as
" kuripot ".
and about the money thing, it should be discuss between husband and wife

I'd rather be seen as kuripot than as a soft touch.

[JimOttley]

they know how expensive it is here, most of them have been here to visit us. i just cant say no to the kids i feel so sorry for them, as i know they have very little to play with. i think most of this stems from me feeling guilty about the life my hubby gives us, i know how hard life can be back home, so i try to give them everything they ask for.

in the beginning it was just my sons old toys, old consoles, but all that is gone now. i am staring at my box wondering what to get to fill it up

Give what you can and stop there, this is not a rich country any more and will be a lot less rich soon enough. The kind of things it sounds like they are asking for will not make their lives any better, it's ephemeral stuff, here today gone tomorrow and doing little or nothing for their future.

Hands out at Christmas is not nice, particularly if they have been here and seen the costs already and particularly when they are not making much attempt to keep in touch with you.

1k is way more than enough already!


Jim

[maria_and_matt]

Give what you can and stop there, this is not a rich country any more and will be a lot less rich soon enough. The kind of things it sounds like they are asking for will not make their lives any better, it's ephemeral stuff, here today gone tomorrow and doing little or nothing for their future.

Hands out at Christmas is not nice, particularly if they have been here and seen the costs already and particularly when they are not making much attempt to keep in touch with you.

1k is way more than enough already!


Jim

i do not mind giving them things if they can also send me texts to let me know they are thinking of me :(...

it seems that it is the same with most filipina friends i have here, relatives dont text to say thank you we got the money you sent, they only text when the money has run out and they need more.

[IainBusby]

i do not mind giving them things if they can also send me texts to let me know they are thinking of me :(...

it seems that it is the same with most filipina friends i have here, relatives dont text to say thank you we got the money you sent, they only text when the money has run out and they need more.

That sounds familiar. You really need to learn to say no, enough is enough.

[JimOttley]

i do not mind giving them things if they can also send me texts to let me know they are thinking of me :(...

it seems that it is the same with most filipina friends i have here, relatives dont text to say thank you we got the money you sent, they only text when the money has run out and they need more.

A couple of years back we had this problem and my partner was not even in the UK, we had constant pressure to solve every problem that came along and often my partner Ana could not talk to me about it, this creates a very poisonous situation between a couple.

It really is not easy, in our case I know there is genuine desparate need in our family and I have helped as much as I can but we cannot possibly solve all their problems alone, we have two kids of our own to support :( and times are getting bad in the UK, we have to think of our future and our kids future!

Having them dip into the foreign bank every month or so is doing them no favours!


Jim

[bystander09]

A couple of years back we had this problem and my partner was not even in the UK, we had constant pressure to solve every problem that came along and often my partner Ana could not talk to me about it, this creates a very poisonous situation between a couple.

It really is not easy, in our case I know there is genuine desparate need in our family and I have helped as much as I can but we cannot possibly solve all their problems alone, we have two kids of our own to support :( and times are getting bad in the UK, we have to think of our future and our kids future!

Having them dip into the foreign bank every month or so is doing them no favours!


Jim

How true this is, and its just amazing how much family pressure the wife can be under and not share with you. This does lead to tension...

bystander

[eljean]

I wish i could send me mom a grand sure she will be so happy...i only sent me old phones haven't send that much yet i wish i can, it's true though that they only remember you when they want summat and they can get summat from you but if they don't they sulk as if like your the most selfish person in the world...i think things should be earn not given...