I'll pass that message on to my wife...Originally Posted by fred
Which means you dont trust him....right? You cant have it both ways..unless you married the priest?
Damn...What is it with women?
Some stuff can remain private .. or would that mean hes having an affair?...
To a cetain degree every couple makes their own 'rules'. We are all different.
I believe in an open, loving, faithful relationship where honesty and trust are the most highly prized attributes.
Neither of us has any secrets to hide.
We both need and enjoy our 'own-space' from time to time, and it has nothing to do with trying to hide something.
Everyone is entitled to have privacy, those private feelings and private thoughts we all have. Being in a relationship or being married does not mean we lose that entitlement.
Neither of us has anything to hide on our phones or our computers etc, but we trust each other. That's it.
I would be more than a bit miffed if, without asking, my wife started prying, snooping and invading my privacy. That is so much more than just whacky behaviour.It's almost neurotic.
To my mind that would be a complete lack of respect, honesty and trust.
So where would that put the relationship.
paRANOiD bEhaVIOR
CAN ONLY END IN TEARS
If you want your dreams to come true ...... first you have to wake up
I passed it on to mine 9 years ago...I'll pass that message on to my wife...
I dont think it worked altogether..
Its one of those things that you have to live with during marriage..Take it or leave it in my experiience..25 years and going good.....So far.
I tend to think the whole thing is a bit chicken and egg, if you see what I mean.
Trust needs to be earned. And I think if one of a couple tends to hide things a little then there is surely genuine grounds for suspicion by the other. I think it is only natural for April to be a little suspicious, under the circumstances.
My wife checks my phone, for example, periodically and I don't mind as I have nothing to hide. And it shows she cares. It can prove a little difficult if there is something I want to keep from her (birthday present etc) but I have to work around that. She uses my phone at will anyway and I certainly don't lock it or keep it hidden away or permanently in my pocket. If I refused her access I know it would p1ss her off and I wouldn't want to do that.
I think the point Steve made was ample to show what you may mean to your husband, if he can go through all that effort to bring you to the UK you should remain trustworthy and in his love.
The surefire way to corrupt a relationship is to introduce elements like paranoia, listening to people who have no real bearing on your relationship and worrying about things like this.
As said by Terpe we are all different and the rules are created as we go along, unless you really think there is another woman involved you should just live your life and enjoy the time you have worked hard to make.
I would say the tighter a woman squeezes a man (and vice versa) the more likely you are to slip out of eachother grasp. I've seen this a few times, focus on what makes you happy and think about the good times you have had together and look to the future for more of the same.
It doesnt really matter what one keep on his phone - Rina never see's my work phone only because the stuff on it is boring, but of a sensative nature she never asks to see the contents anyway.
Move on and stop being upset with what isn't is my advice otherwise you will be on the slippery slope to divorce - I hate to utter those words but its the reality every little "where are you, what are you doing" will erode the relationship I'm afraid..
Tone
Okay guys...in conclusion...every individual has its own perception about this...one guy would say it is fine and one guy would also say it's not...phew! I think differently...others think differently as well. Sigh....okay okay okay...thanks for all your views guys, for those who think its okay, I am still on that shoes...for those who don't...I respect your views. Thank you.
Women..Certainly Filipino women will normally think up grounds for suspicion whether you like it or deserve it or not based on there menstruation dates.
Some may disagree..
Tone has a valid point too. A balanced judgement call needs to be made.
Some may disagree, depending on the day of the month.
Now we are on the same page..
Regards..
Fred
How can I not be upset if for once I was able to access it with no problem then suddenly he locked it? How could I say that he's not hiding something?...if there's nothing in there to worry about, why would restrict your partner from that? If you guys are on my shoes, how would you feel if once it was fine to have an access with the account, then on the following day it changes because everything is lock?...then your partner is keeping her phones away from you?...would not be an insult? Will You bot think and asked Why? Would you not feel like a virus being blocked by a firewall?....
Thats why I lock my accounts and she locks hers! If we trust each other,as we should then that should be fine! Anything else is mistrust and tismis imo...bahala ka..
Okay fred...that is in your case...others are still open...
maybe he didn't mean to insult you or he's not hiding anything from you but MAYBE he just doesn't want you to play the role of being an investigatoryou said you trust him so why keep checking on him? let him move and do what he wants sometimes as long as you still feel and he's showing you how much you mean to him.
Jealousy and paranoia don't do any good in any relationship. Don't let him touch your phone and don't let him use your facebook or any account you have so you wouldn't feel its unfair on your part. If you continue doing that, you will just push him away :-(
I hope you feel better soon.
Look aprilmaejon ..You either trust him or you dont.. If you dont then there lies the problem..One way or the other it needs to be resolved di ba?
Just be straight with him and see what he says..
Tell us what you feel after that conversation if you wish..
CHANGING what was previously accessible does seem a bit questionable to me.
Joking aside, I do sympathise with April, especially as he has taken a retrograde step.....Now we are on the same page..
Regards..
Fred
Maybe he is seeing someone else
Maybe he has ordered a surprise bunch of flowers
Maybe he is having cyber sex
Maybe he has located that special pair of shoes you were looking for
Suspician is a killer.......
Maybe he locked his phone because he doesn't want his info stolen if he loses his phone..... there are a million reasons why..... dont go looking for trouble..... or it will find YOU!!!
If you want your dreams to come true ...... first you have to wake up
I think this thread demonstrates the perils of discussing one's personal issues online.
Agreed, as we don't know the full story.I think this thread demonstrates the perils of discussing one's personal issues online.
I am very tongue in cheek, I just think there is no reason to mis-trust. Years ago I was going out with a woman who needed to know 'everything' it became hard work having to explain where , when, how, why all the time. I dumped her!
If you want your dreams to come true ...... first you have to wake up
I discovered my ex was cheating after having her emails to her sister translated (I had her password).
That's why I feel a bit 'iffy' about the subject.
whats mine is ems, i have nothing to hide and i hope ems dont have either, face book or sad book as i call it, if you dont want people to read it dont post it i say
Graham, did you already have strong suspicions?I discovered my ex was cheating after having her emails to her sister translated (I had her password).
That's why I feel a bit 'iffy' about the subject.
PS: you don't need to answer, just curious.
If I'm totally honest I may do some snooping if I felt strong grounds. But not on a regular basis.
Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.Damn...What is it with women?
A place for everything, everything in its place.
I wasn't specifically looking for THAT email.
It was the question about the 'new B/F' referred to in the email from her sister that alerted me. Means much the same in any language.
I'd had doubts before that though concerning ANOTHER possible affair.
good thing you dump her firstI dumped her!or you been dump by her instead
A place for everything, everything in its place.
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