Need help

[jack86]

Thankyou for your quick response.

I am in a bad place at the moment.

I spoke to my wife and she told me she was at a friends birthday party a week before we met and her ex was there she had a few drinks and fell asleep and the next day her ex was in bed beside her.

I asked did she consent to sex she said no because she hated him and that she never wanted to see his face again.

I pushed her on the issue and asked do you think you were raped she said it must of been because she would never sleep with him because she was in love with me even though we had never met she had developed deep feelings for me in the 9 months we spoke and video skped online.

To say I am in turmoil is an understatement

She is a good girl who attends church every week and never has giving me a cause for concern.

I have felt distant from her at intimate times and everytime we got close this thing was playing on her mind and slowly destroying her and the relief when I found through DNA was a massive relief for her cos every day she had wanted to tell me but was terrified to my reaction

I love her but it feels like the last 3 years has been a marriage based on fraud and deceit and feel utterly betrayed by it all, not because this happened but because she could not tell me and it feels like a lot of trust has vanished.

I know people will say I should man up and think of the pain and suffering my wife has gone through. Yes, I have and I see that look of desperation in her eyes and she says how much she must've hurt me.

I have told her I have to deal with this one day at a time and to get my head around it all and just hopefully be able to sort this out.

I love her so deeply and my little girl feels that little more special to me as it's not her fault and I am just glad that after seeing my solicitor that I am legally her father and nobody can ever change that.

Anyway, I have to go now but thanks once again for your kind words and support and even though talking to strangers it feels like a weight lifted off my chest. I just hope I can find peace and solace at the end of all this and hope to give an update.

Thankyou everyone...

[Michael Parnham]

Thankyou for your quick response.

I am in a bad place at the moment.

I spoke to my wife and she told me she was at a friends birthday party a week before we met and her ex was there she had a few drinks and fell asleep and the next day her ex was in bed beside her.

I asked did she consent to sex she said no because she hated him and that she never wanted to see his face again.

I pushed her on the issue and asked do you think you were raped she said it must of been because she would never sleep with him because she was in love with me even though we had never met she had developed deep feelings for me in the 9 months we spoke and video skped online.

To say I am in turmoil is an understatement

She is a good girl who attends church every week and never has giving me a cause for concern.

I have felt distant from her at intimate times and everytime we got close this thing was playing on her mind and slowly destroying her and the relief when I found through DNA was a massive relief for her cos every day she had wanted to tell me but was terrified to my reaction

I love her but it feels like the last 3 years has been a marriage based on fraud and deceit and feel utterly betrayed by it all, not because this happened but because she could not tell me and it feels like a lot of trust has vanished.

I know people will say I should man up and think of the pain and suffering my wife has gone through. Yes, I have and I see that look of desperation in her eyes and she says how much she must've hurt me.

I have told her I have to deal with this one day at a time and to get my head around it all and just hopefully be able to sort this out.

I love her so deeply and my little girl feels that little more special to me as it's not her fault and I am just glad that after seeing my solicitor that I am legally her father and nobody can ever change that.

Anyway, I have to go now but thanks once again for your kind words and support and even though talking to strangers it feels like a weight lifted off my chest. I just hope I can find peace and solace at the end of all this and hope to give an update.

Thankyou everyone...

Hopefully given time, you will move forward as a happy family unit Jack, don't waste what you've already built!

[jack86]

Hopefully given time, you will move forward as a happy family unit Jack, don't waste what you've already built!

Thankyou Michael and everyone else's kind words...

We have both sat down and all the emotions, feelings hurt and anger have all surfaced and somewhat I feel at peace that we have made progress in this short time.

I know what a massive relief my wife finally feels and the love we have for each other was not compromised but in a sort of way I feel now that its sort of magnified.

I will support her in every way and she said I was remarkable lol because many would of walked away, I do believe that if you love someone enough then things can be worked out even something this bad and I believe it has brought us closer.

I am an old fashioned guy who like my late parents married nearly 60 years stuck by each other through thick and thin, I totally believe that's how a marriage should be.

Maria my wife and I are retaking our wedding vows in church this time unlike the marriage at the town hall back in the Philippines and will move forward from all of this also our plans for a second child when our little girl is a couple of years older will finally make our family complete.

We always talked about having 2 children and my little girl will be loved just as much as her new sibling in the future.

I have realised what a family means and how lucky we both are to have each other and no matter what life throws at us we both know with all our strength and determination we can have a happy future.

Thankyou to everyone and I will certainly stick around on the brilliant forum...