My wife's affair

[David House]

The guy says he loves her very much and she says she wants another chance and yet lots of the advice is to wind things up without making any effort! Now there may be a few perfect people around but I don't know any. It seems to me to be perfectly possible for this couple to re-build their relationship and even for it to become stronger as a consequence. It is certainly worth trying. It has nothing at all to do with one being British and another Filipino. They are both humans, with all our weaknesses. My first marriage survived for 31 years. During it my wife also had a "fling", which was painful but we talked it through and after a while it was consigned to distant memory by happier times. These things happen and I would encourage everyone to be more positive in trying to save a marriage rather than consign it to the scrapheap without effort.

[joebloggs]

That quote from MLK is for brotherly love and forgiveness.

well Peanutz, maybe the quote is one he used on his wife, as even the great man himself is alleged to have engaged in numerous extramarital affairs.

not everyone is perfect then...

but i agree with you, i would never do that to my wife, or go against my beliefs

but were all different

[patti1227]

Isn’t it good to know that Ritter68 knows in his heart that his wife is really sorry? Isn’t it good to know that the wife is really feeling remorseful by saying she wants their relationship in the right place again and wants another chance? Isn’t it good to know that Ritter68 says he loves his wife so much and that he is in a situation that he can give his wife a second chance?

How we deal with life is really a matter of personal choice. When times are difficult, remind yourself that no pain comes to you without a purpose. Listen to what your heart says Mr. Ritter68. It will surely lead you to where your home is…

[patti1227]

Tech Support: Yes, how can I help you?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to
install Love. Can you guide me through the process?
Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What
do I do first?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you
located your Heart?
Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now.
Is it okay to install Love while they are running?
Tech Support: What programs are running ?
Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and
Resentment running right now.
Tech Support: No problem. Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from
your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent
memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will
eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called
High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge
and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly
installed. Can you turn those off?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke
Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and
Resentment have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?
Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base
program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to
get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, “Error - Program not run on external components" What should I do?
Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set
up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your
Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself
before you can Love others.
Customer: So, what should I do?
Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the
following files: Forgive-Self; Realize your Worth; and Acknowledge
your Limitations.
Customer: Okay, done.
Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The
system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching
faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-
Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make
sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files.
Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying
themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?
Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but
eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is
installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is
Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone
you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some
cool modules back to you.
Customer: Thank you.
Tech Support: You're Welcome, Anytime.

[angel1231]

I Wouldnt Give Her Or Him Another Chance If Made That Kind Of An Awful Mistake ..i Will Never Never Forgive Him Or Her For Doing It.thats Life U Get The Advantage Of Having And A Affair Then U Suffer And Get The Disadvantange From It...

[Peanutz]

Mr David House, I am afraid you misinterpret what is being said here. Every member here are free to
give opinions and that opinions might not reflect your own principles in life. We are not persuading or convincing the guy to whatever he want to do with his life, 'we are giving our point of view on base on what is the issue'. This doesn't mean that we want or we encourage his ruin or whatever.
I think he is old enough to pick/decide/chose which solution is more suitable for his problem.

What do you mean when you say 'fling'? Is it flirting (like kissing, having intimate
conversation with someone?) or to/have been copulate/d with someone?
If you tell me that having a 'fling' with someone is just like a teenage flirting,then it
is not a big cause to ruin a family. But if you tell me that by saying 'fling' you mean
that there has been a sexual intercourse, then that in my opinion is unacceptable.

You have forgiven your wife for having a 'fling' with someone during the course of your 31 years of marriage,
because?
You love her and you can't live without her?
Your children?
What would the relatives would say?
Assets?
money and everyday commodity?
because you did the same, so it's just fair?
because we are human and that kind of weakness (in a couple) is acceptable?

What makes us human? What makes us different from animals?

Whatever the reason is, I am sure you have no regrets for forgiving your wife.

No one is perfect, but in our imperfections we have to try to not cause pain or sufferings to people we love.
Again, every situation and experience is different to one another, and no one can give any judgement to someone's
experiences and situations. (we don't even have a perfect judicial system in our modern society, come to think of it)

Leaving a person you love, doesn't mean that you do not love that person anymore. What will remain in one's baggage is the
fact that he/she has not been strong enough to stand to any adversities for the integrity of their love.



What is the essence of 'marriage'?
To vow for an eternity bond with someone you love.
Since I have only one life that person have to make the most of it for me and me for him.
Marriage is taking responsibility of each others happiness and peace of mind.
If one breaks one of the important rules where you base the integrity of your love and relationshp, then he/she doesn't deserve it.

[Peanutz]

[quote=joebloggs;70488]well Peanutz, maybe the quote is one he used on his wife,


Am not really sure....

You can convince me if you read the old man and the sea

What are you waiting?, I am not going to lend you mine!!!

[flomike]

I asked my husband point of view on this matter: he said that if that happen to him there's no second chance bec if the husband didn't found out the relationship you think she'll stop it or ask a second chance???

[keithAngel]

Tech Support: Yes, how can I help you?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to
install Love. Can you guide me through the process?
Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What
do I do first?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you
located your Heart?
Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now.
Is it okay to install Love while they are running?
Tech Support: What programs are running ?
Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and
Resentment running right now.
Tech Support: No problem. Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from
your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent
memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will
eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called
High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge
and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly
installed. Can you turn those off?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke
Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and
Resentment have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?
Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base
program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to
get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, “Error - Program not run on external components" What should I do?
Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set
up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your
Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself
before you can Love others.
Customer: So, what should I do?
Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the
following files: Forgive-Self; Realize your Worth; and Acknowledge
your Limitations.
Customer: Okay, done.
Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The
system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching
faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-
Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make
sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files.
Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying
themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?
Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but
eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is
installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is
Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone
you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some
cool modules back to you.
Customer: Thank you.
Tech Support: You're Welcome, Anytime.

Loved that Pat thanks

[David House]

I don't wish to pick an argument with anyone but my feeling is that many who are giving their opinions here have never actually experienced what our friend is going through. It is easy to pontificate on a subject but much, much harder when you actually have to deal with it. Ritter will, I am sure, reach his own decision and, of course, everyone is entitled to their opinion. Me included. I just feel that some people over emphasise the negative impact of what the wife has done whilst not giving enough weight to the love which exists between them and the good chance that this love can repair the damage. I am not going to discuss any further exactly what happened in my own case as it is obviously very personal to me. Sufficient to say that we worked together to understand what had happened and why. However much people wish to condemn there is always two sides to every situation. Understand that, and have love and compassion in your heart, and things are capable of being repaired. Whether they will depends on the individual circumstances.

[joebloggs]

I don't wish to pick an argument with anyone but my feeling is that many who are giving their opinions here have never actually experienced what our friend is going through. It is easy to pontificate on a subject but much, much harder when you actually have to deal with it. Ritter will, I am sure, reach his own decision and, of course, everyone is entitled to their opinion. Me included. I just feel that some people over emphasise the negative impact of what the wife has done whilst not giving enough weight to the love which exists between them and the good chance that this love can repair the damage. I am not going to discuss any further exactly what happened in my own case as it is obviously very personal to me. Sufficient to say that we worked together to understand what had happened and why. However much people wish to condemn there is always two sides to every situation. Understand that, and have love and compassion in your heart, and things are capable of being repaired. Whether they will depends on the individual circumstances.

in many cases the easy way out is just to quit and walk away..

[keithAngel]

I don't wish to pick an argument with anyone but my feeling is that many who are giving their opinions here have never actually experienced what our friend is going through. It is easy to pontificate on a subject but much, much harder when you actually have to deal with it. Ritter will, I am sure, reach his own decision and, of course, everyone is entitled to their opinion. Me included. I just feel that some people over emphasise the negative impact of what the wife has done whilst not giving enough weight to the love which exists between them and the good chance that this love can repair the damage. I am not going to discuss any further exactly what happened in my own case as it is obviously very personal to me. Sufficient to say that we worked together to understand what had happened and why. However much people wish to condemn there is always two sides to every situation. Understand that, and have love and compassion in your heart, and things are capable of being repaired. Whether they will depends on the individual circumstances.

I do get your point David the problem is the jealous child within that if you haven't had an understanding and supported encounter can be as you probabably know horrible and feels life threatening, parts want to kill/run scream and cry and get even even that you love this one you still have to be able to hold these bits of oneself and this is always going to bring up strong reactions especially on a public relationship forum

[gWaPito]

Along with other on this forum I know what it's like to be cheated on, sold down the river by your soul mate.It happened to me 5yrs into a 25yr marriage, you cant tell me I walked out on my kids!
I was weak, didnt have the strength to walk, I found that strength 20yrs down the line. That is the sad fact
I was lucky to get away in the end, many others never find that strength and use excuses to stay. Your wife/husband can do nothing worse to you.
That ' kick in the gut' feeling will remain even after 20yrs as it did with me.
knowing what I know now (age and wisdom) I'd walk for sure

[aposhark]

......Understand that, and have love and compassion in your heart, and things are capable of being repaired. Whether they will depends on the individual circumstances.

love and compassion She should have had this in her heart before she took her clothes off in their house, JEEZ I likewise don't want to fall out with anyone on here but actually think what she did with ANOTHER MAN IN RITTER's OWN HOUSE.

[aposhark]

in many cases the easy way out is just to quit and walk away..

Hi joebloggs
I would say "in many cases the easy way out is just to stay and take her crap, sorry........"

If two people want an "open" marriage, then IMO, they should at least have the respect for each other to open dialogue about their feelings and get things in the open before something like adultery happens.

[gemini63]

Tech Support: Yes, how can I help you?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to
install Love. Can you guide me through the process?
Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What
do I do first?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you
located your Heart?
Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now.
Is it okay to install Love while they are running?
Tech Support: What programs are running ?
Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and
Resentment running right now.
Tech Support: No problem. Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from
your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent
memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will
eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called
High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge
and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly
installed. Can you turn those off?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke
Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and
Resentment have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?
Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base
program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to
get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, “Error - Program not run on external components" What should I do?
Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set
up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your
Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself
before you can Love others.
Customer: So, what should I do?
Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the
following files: Forgive-Self; Realize your Worth; and Acknowledge
your Limitations.
Customer: Okay, done.
Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The
system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching
faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-
Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make
sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files.
Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying
themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?
Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but
eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is
installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is
Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone
you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some
cool modules back to you.
Customer: Thank you.
Tech Support: You're Welcome, Anytime.

Hello pat, i love reading your post hr.Its so nice....loads of people with closed heart wl learn and feel good if they read this and follow...LOVE and OPEN HEART is the key with SELF ACCEPTANCE is important.tnx so much...

[gemini63]

I don't wish to pick an argument with anyone but my feeling is that many who are giving their opinions here have never actually experienced what our friend is going through. It is easy to pontificate on a subject but much, much harder when you actually have to deal with it. Ritter will, I am sure, reach his own decision and, of course, everyone is entitled to their opinion. Me included. I just feel that some people over emphasise the negative impact of what the wife has done whilst not giving enough weight to the love which exists between them and the good chance that this love can repair the damage. I am not going to discuss any further exactly what happened in my own case as it is obviously very personal to me. Sufficient to say that we worked together to understand what had happened and why. However much people wish to condemn there is always two sides to every situation. Understand that, and have love and compassion in your heart, and things are capable of being repaired. Whether they will depends on the individual circumstances.

" I agree with you"....

[Piamed]

My view is that in an ideal situation the wife would not have broken her wedding vows, betrayed her husband in such a cruel & selfish manner and soiled her own body & moral fibre.

BUT, it's not an ideal world and this did occur. As has been said many times, what Ritter or any other person does in response is surely dependent upon many things, including his ability to understand why the partner did what they did, his recognition of any contributions he made to encourage it, his love for her, his thoughts about the benefits of remaining together, his perception about her remorse and commitment to him and the marriage going forward, the perceived impact of the consequences resulting from any action he may take, his ability to to forgive and move on, etc.

Someone mentioned her love for him as being something to consider. We all define love differently but I struggle to identify a single definition that includes performing sex acts with another person in the marital bed while the spouse is away, as love.

Anyway, all of those things above differ from couple to couple. If some believe there is something worth salvaging and can do it, so be it. If others feel that they can't then that's unfortunate but fair enough.

Everyone has their own opinion and that is good. This mix of expressed opinion could help an individual know what matters most to them.

[KeithD]

I don't wish to pick an argument with anyone but my feeling is that many who are giving their opinions here have never actually experienced what our friend is going through. .

More times than you have digits.

[Welsh_Italian]

I don't wish to pick an argument with anyone but my feeling is that many who are giving their opinions here have never actually experienced what our friend is going through. It is easy to pontificate on a subject but much, much harder when you actually have to deal with it. Ritter will, I am sure, reach his own decision and, of course, everyone is entitled to their opinion. Me included. I just feel that some people over emphasise the negative impact of what the wife has done whilst not giving enough weight to the love which exists between them and the good chance that this love can repair the damage. I am not going to discuss any further exactly what happened in my own case as it is obviously very personal to me. Sufficient to say that we worked together to understand what had happened and why. However much people wish to condemn there is always two sides to every situation. Understand that, and have love and compassion in your heart, and things are capable of being repaired. Whether they will depends on the individual circumstances.

And sometimes the love isn't there to mend things. I guess it depends a lot upon the type of affair - a drunken grope is easier to forgive than repeating indiscriminations over a period of time.

Sorry m8, but my advice is born of experience and that's all I can talk about. All the love in the world cannot change anyone if they don't truly love you back and I've learned the (idiot's) hard way that some people don't really commit their hearts to relationships sometimes.

As to whether he should try again, I guess it depends if he feels that there is something still alive in the relationship that can make it work. If he does, then why not? (but lay some ground rules out like not again, and if it is again - DO NOT involve the daughter AT ALL). If he doesn't, then it won't work anyway.

[LEAHnew]

http://filipinaroses.com/showthread.php?t=8571

I guess it will take time for him (Ritter) to update his thread, he's having time for his family to sort out things. Let's wish him all the best

[Pepe n Pilar]

To Pat1227 very nice post...

To Ritter68, so sorry to know about your wife having an affair. You have various opinions from some members here and it's up to you to take it or leave it. YOu still has the last say. Listen to your heart and use your mind as well.

I can’t say it any better than the Word says it in I Corinthians 13:4-8

VS. 4-Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. VS. 5-It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. VS. 6-Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. VS. 7-It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. VS. 8-Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away......

Marriage is a precious union & woman should thank God for the man that HE has joined with her. She should always love, respect, encourage & edify him & never let anyone or anything keep her from loving him as Christ loved us. This is a gift we have prayed diligently for & shall never take for granted. God did not design us to be on our own, so don’t jeopardize losing the one gift that you know is precious to you & that you both need.

Treasure your man with all of your heart from now to eternity. Let love lead the way & the rest will take care of itself.

I pray that this will bless you & yours for the many years to come. It isn’t always easy, but you can do it as long as you stay in the word! Both of you need to be in the word & lead your children to do the same.

[Sangoma]

I asked my husband point of view on this matter: he said that if that happen to him there's no second chance bec if the husband didn't found out the relationship you think she'll stop it or ask a second chance???

Very true.

[kentish]

Hi Ritter, feel so sorry wifey was sooooo naughty. I wish she had just pleasure herself while you were away.

And if I was in Ritters' shoes I will defenitely secure savings for myself and for the child and if I owned any kind of property then I get it in safety. Women can be very bithchy especially when they are caught and can sense that the partner dont trust them.

Good luck.

[patti1227]

Loved that Pat thanks

Pleasure my friend...

[patti1227]

Hello pat, i love reading your post hr.Its so nice....loads of people with closed heart wl learn and feel good if they read this and follow...LOVE and OPEN HEART is the key with SELF ACCEPTANCE is important.tnx so much...

Hi! My pleasure... Thank you for taking time reading that particular post. See you around.

[Piamed]

...you can do it as long as you stay in the word! Both of you need to be in the word & lead your children to do the same.

[patti1227]

Heartfelt thanks itsme_iye... Thank you too for the virtual trophy.

In HIS time, things will be better Mr. Ritter68...

[aposhark]

To Pat1227 very nice post...

To Ritter68, so sorry to know about your wife having an affair. You have various opinions from some members here and it's up to you to take it or leave it. YOu still has the last say. Listen to your heart and use your mind as well.

I can’t say it any better than the Word says it in I Corinthians 13:4-8

VS. 4-Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. VS. 5-It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. VS. 6-Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. VS. 7-It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. VS. 8-Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away......

Marriage is a precious union & woman should thank God for the man that HE has joined with her. She should always love, respect, encourage & edify him & never let anyone or anything keep her from loving him as Christ loved us. This is a gift we have prayed diligently for & shall never take for granted. God did not design us to be on our own, so don’t jeopardize losing the one gift that you know is precious to you & that you both need.

Treasure your man with all of your heart from now to eternity. Let love lead the way & the rest will take care of itself.

I pray that this will bless you & yours for the many years to come. It isn’t always easy, but you can do it as long as you stay in the word! Both of you need to be in the word & lead your children to do the same.

Hi itsme_iye
Well as an atheist, and you will realise that most people in the UK don't go to church anymore, I believe that you should honour your husband/wife and keep your clothes on, except in their company!
If you don't want to love, cherish and respect them, tell them so and get divorced. Don't cause them terrible pain and suffering.
Too many people hurt their spouse with the one thing that will eat away at them for ever.
Maybe I'm old fashioned but I have seen so many people devastated by affairs.

[Peanutz]

I Corinthians 13:4-8

VS. 4-Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
VS. 5-It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
VS. 6-Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
VS. 7-It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
VS. 8-Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away......


Do we love everyone in the same way that we love our husband,wife,parents,brothers,sisters,friends, neighbours, enemy and etc?
You cannot apply only love in certain circumstances and situations.




Marriage is a precious union & woman should thank God for the man that HE has joined with her. She should always love, respect, encourage & edify him & never let anyone or anything keep her from loving him as Christ loved us. This is a gift we have prayed diligently for & shall never take for granted. God did not design us to be on our own, so don’t jeopardize losing the one gift that you know is precious to you & that you both need.

Treasure your man with all of your heart from now to eternity. Let love lead the way & the rest will take care of itself.

This is how I interpret it.
I have been given a gift which I prayed for and should be grateful?
What if someone is married to a wretched man, who always gets drunk, never goes to work, violent and beats her? Should she love him forever because they were bond of marriage?

What if the man always betrays the woman? Where I am going to put love in this case?

As a woman I have to forgive his betrayals?

If I follow these words, it tells me that I have to treasure my man in all eternity whatever kind of man he is?

As I have been warned not to jeopardize to lose my gift? I will go to hell?
If you have a much better interpretation than me...


I just don't understand why the woman should thank God for giving her a MAN.


Doesn't sounds right to me...Maybe someone can enlighten me...