Your wife's current attitude is only to be expected, every Filipina who comes to UK tends to handle it differently, sometimes they are fine and busy busy busy tidying the house, cleaning up, some take alot of pride in it.
Sometimes when they come to UK, its a big adjustment, the main complaint of most Filipinas who come here, is the stark contrast of social networking between the Philippines and the UK.
That is quite hard on them, lack of some other Pinays to talk to is quite a shock to their system, and before they come, they paint themselves a picture of what like will be like, when they get here, there perception changes.
Because then they start to see how UK life is ? and where you are, is probably a good representation of life, we will all tell you, as my wife is nodding in approval here, that this phase will in time pass away, it has been known to take up to 2 years, and don't laugh about this, I have personal anecdotes given to me, stating just as much, that some pinays take months to settle into the life in the UK.
One lady told me, she was fed up continuously for up to 2 years, and after that, she managed to settle, but the first months were the worst, there are some pinay's who come here and settle within weeks, and in some cases more extreme, only a few days, like they have been here all their lives.
Sometimes being loving, helping with providing them with things to think of home, and also if funds allow, arranging a return trip within 3-6 months can also help, this gives your wife or partner an out, if they feel they need to go home for a holiday, all of these measures such as providing them with the Filipino channel, encouraging them to have Filipino friends if you can find them, will help in some way.
But none of the above are substitutes for them to face the challenge themselves of living life married to a foreigner in their own country, this challenge can only truly be mastered by facing up to the decision they have made.
So many British guys bring girls to the UK and expect that from day 1 after installing her (that is the Filipina wife) in their house, showing them the kitchen, the bathroom, the bedroom, and the lounge, where tesco's is, the library, the town hall, the shopping mall, and uncle tom cobley and all, they then proceed to think that life is going to be paradise every day from then on. - not so !
The fact is, the courship phase that the both went through between UK and Philippines is a small blip on the road to a successful marriage, the other problem of course, is that actually although you might have stayed together in a Filipino hotel for a few days once or twice during the courtship, the simple truth dawns on you, that actually, you really don't know this person, the chances are, (but not always) you have never seen her moody, the chances are, everything was peach fuss, and she was the ultimate babae , and never complained, said Tsup to you, everytime you asked her a question, and cleaned around you everytime you put your clothes down on the bed - this is not the real life.
Like the phrase " A dog is for life not just for christmas" so it also goes without saying, that a marriage to a foreigner is for life, and not just for the good times, like shopping at weekends and receiving a new designer bag, or a piece of nice jewelry.
The one thing that is missing when pinay's come to the UK, is there Barkada of friends, this is a big loss, almost like the death of a relative, they do feel it pretty bad, and can become very moody, the pattern of behaviour such as appearing to be lazy, sleeping all the time, is really a cover up for how they feel.
They feel dis-enfranchised, and they often blame you for this, although not intentionally, they feel the foreigner is the cause of their separation from friends and family, lets face it, how many hundreds of bright smiling faces do you see every night when you get home from work hanging out on the street corner, chances are, everyone is in their house, no one is outside chatting, there is no busy tricylces, jeepneys and gas guzzling buses heading down the street at a frantic pace.
There are no people hanging around the fish market, no one is buying snacks and drinks from the sari sari over the road, and there are no vendors on the street outside selling Manok or Lechon, there is no one coming around selling anything, the weather is often freezing cold, and the sky outside looks mirky and grey.
All of this and a sense of isolation, coupled with jetlag, and having to suddenly wash teh dishes in a strange house, and clean while the one person with whom they have barely known or lived with in a close proximity, is out to work for most of the day, its little wonder then, that there she is, climbing up the curtain pelmet, staring through the window, looking outside at no one, watching the clock, and breathing a sigh of relief when you suddenly bounce down the garden path like everything went on like this for the last 10 years.
Bringing a Filipina wife to the UK might start off with what we call the ~Honeymoon period~ but remember, there is still alot of cricket to be played
Time is the key, and you need lots of it, patience and love for the Filipina wife, will shine through eventually, and when she looks back, it will be a blip in your lifetime.
Spare a little thought for your new girl, after all, she has given up everything to come and be your wife.....just be understanding...best wishes.
