''Why do so many men report bad Filipina dating/marrying experiences?''

[bigmac]

part of my story:
my 2nd wife (24 years together ) died in late 2007. i was in a very bad way. too soon i met--and a year later--married wife #3. this was --unfortunately--a bad mistake and we separated after a year --although she still lived in my house for the next 2 years.

in that time-- i joined internet dating sites--met dozens of--local--women. some are still friends.

i certainly wasnt deliberately looking to date an asian lady--but--fate stepped in--and i met my partner in oct 2011---through plenty of fish. what a total difference to anyone else ive met.

at that time---i hadnt a clue about all the UKBA rules and regs--she was here on a student visa that expired in aug 2012--and back she went.

i also had no idea about the divorce rules in the filis--so that has presented added aggro. in another thread--someone suggested i should have found someone who wasnt already married---fair comment--but hindsight is a precise science.

only time will tell now--shes been here for 6 months on a visit visa--went back a month ago.

she has started annulment proceedings--hopefully if things go our way--she could be back with me later this year---3 years from when it all started.

when i first joined this forum--and wrote a few posts--someone here said our plans were a marriage of convenience--she wants to settle here--and marrying a Brit was really the only option---so i was the lucky contestant.

but--so what--arent all marriages "of convenience" in one way or another?

our relationship has grown in spite of a 1 year separation--and now another month and counting.

although i miss her like mad--and hate living alone--our relationship is withstanding the test of time-----just a damn pity i hadnt met her when she first came to the UK--still under the old rules.

but--thats life.

[rani]

Its kinda funny reading this thread... Different views and opinion, depending on one's experiences. What can i say? Just be very cautious guys!!! Well, not only the Brits guys but Pinays as well. Not all Pinays ended up in good hands, some were treated like a caregiver or a servant :(. But, that's the choices we've made. There's no one to blame but our own self.

“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.”
― William Shakespeare

[gWaPito]

Its kinda funny reading this thread... Different views and opinion, depending on one's experiences. What can i say? Just be very cautious guys!!! Well, not only the Brits guys but Pinays as well. Not all Pinays ended up in good hands, some were treated like a caregiver or a servant :(. But, that's the choices we've made. There's no one to blame but our own self.

“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.”
― William Shakespeare

That's exactly it Rani. ..different experiences different opinions. ..would be interesting to know those points of views 10 years from now. Remember marriage is a state of flux.

[gWaPito]

Whereas I can understand where the author is coming from, when you look deeper it seems he may well be a bitter and twisted misanthropist who dislikes Filipina women in particular.
Probably deep down he's searching for someone (anyone) to actually like him.

What are those statistics supporting his viewpoint that can't be refuted? The article only states percentages for marriages. Nothing more.

It's unlike you Peter to come the acid.

The assumption is, with the upward trend of filipino marrying foreigners there's going to be a higher frequency of folks bein rolled over.

[sars_notd_virus]

''Why do so many men report bad Filipina dating/marrying experiences?''

Maybe because the women can't be bothered to broadcast it on such media or maybe because they are so embarrassed that they thought marrying an ugly old bloke would be a good idea and that havin' a little cash would compensate for their liberty and family which they were willing to sacrifice to have a presumed better life ?

[gWaPito]

''Why do so many men report bad Filipina dating/marrying experiences?''

Maybe because the women can't be bothered to broadcast it on such media or maybe because they are so embarrassed that they thought marrying an ugly old bloke would be a good idea and that havin' a little cash would compensate for their liberty and family which they were willing to sacrifice to have a presumed better life ?

That's an interesting point of view Mari. I must say that made me laugh. ..surely you can't be serious? I wonder if that's the general consensus amongst the rest of the Filipinas reading this ?

[grahamw48]

At the moment I am a very happy and grateful 'ugly old bloke'.

[bigmac]

i'm not really ugly--its my disguise

[stevewool]

i hope people understand what could happen , but also dont tar everyone with that same brush too, and always remember that there is always two sides to every story, just a thought

[gWaPito]

At the moment I am a very happy and grateful 'ugly old bloke'.

Must be our sense of humour, boys. Rayna's findings must be true. .90% of Filipinas actually do prefer it over good looks

[gWaPito]

i'm not really ugly--its my disguise

That made me laugh!
That's one of many bonuses when you advance in age. ..you don't take yourself too seriously

[marksroomspain]

Love reading this thread

Can we have some thoughts from our pinoy members here would love to hear your side

[marksroomspain]

By the way gwaps ur looking in fine form...

[Arthur Little]

That made me laugh!

That's one of many bonuses when you advance in age. ..you don't take yourself too seriously

... that's true - when you're a "good~looking"perfectionist like me!

........................................................ remark shows I've at least got a sense of humour ... and don't take myself too seriously.

Are you still laughing?

[gWaPito]

The thing is Arthur, we don't. Thanks Mark :-)

[bigmac]

i'm only ugly on the outside

[gWaPito]

i'm only ugly on the outside

Hey. ..at least you're not afraid to post your pics Bigmac We are few and far between

[Jentobeharrison]

Find this thread interesting and it is time to share my point of view as a filipina.

As expected, this article left me speechless not because of what its all about but how the author wrote this very negative and rude article about filipinas. This is an example of article that we would have to ask ourselves if this is real, why? Because the author did not even mention even ONE advantage of marrying a filipina, well because its obvious that he wants to bash and say really negative things about us, made me think if this author is really credible... just to be honest. I guess if this is in a news paper, I will just accept the fact that this is an editorial page. So let's start:

I am aware that there are scams out there, well A LOT. But who would know? We don't know them and we don't know their stories. But let me ask you this, How would you know that you are being scammed? Is it because the filipina online was asking for money because her mother is in the hospital? Well, dude, every choice is in your hands, in just some types away, you can tell her NO. That's it.

How would you know if you are being scammed by your wife? If your wife is sending money to her family? And just relying from your savings and income? At the very first place, why would you marry someone who will be forever jobless and will just be your dependent forever? Or maybe, you are already aware that your wife will not be capable of working and she chose to be a housewife to take care of your kids and look after your house? Well I will just assume that you have talked about those before you get married. When it comes to sending money to her family in the province, what's wrong with that? That's her family, and you must be aware how filipino families are close to each other, one must learn more about filipino family cultures then.

You know, that study is pointless, I don't really understand why that has to be written. Relationships, Marriages, Visas, we cannot have those in just one day, we can only have those after very long processes that will take months and years which is very in favour for all of the couples to think about what kind of life they will have when they got married, the limitations, the responsibilities, obligations and every thing. Lots of days were given to us to think and talk about everything, if you fail and moaning about what you are experiencing regarding finances and how your partner manages it, it means you have failed to talk about it.

There are lots of narrow minded people who will just rely and listen to horror stories and unfortunately they would not really give filipinas a chance to know more about them, but I cannot blame anyone, they're just being careful.


This stigma is really unfair to those who are genuinely in a relationship.

My fiance has been hearing lots of horror stories about filipina scamming stuff, and it was really a difficult time for me to prove that my intention is real and as expected it took time before I earned his family's, friends', colleagues' and his trust. I had been stereotyped for how many times and made me really hurt, one said I was a lady boy and was just after his passport. I stood out and told him, that he had already told me that he is not wealthy so what else does he think I am after? I have a good life here and wouldn't trade it for any thing but I have to just to be with him and I don't want to be selfish, as much as I want him to settle here, he cannot because of his kid, But I am now thankful that we already graduated from that scam stuff arguments.

[stevewool]

Well said ,
I too found this to be a sad write up from some person or persons who maybe have been hurt or not, but like i have said before do not tar everyone with the same brush, and if you do why then still look for the person you think will abuse your savings and your life , but then again it takes all sorts to make the world go round

[grahamw48]

Good post Jen.

[bigmac]

@jentobeharrison.

what a well crafted response--a pleasure to read. well worth a rep.

[grahamw48]

+1 from me.

[gWaPito]

Well said ,
I too found this to be a sad write up from some person or persons who maybe have been hurt or not, but like i have said before do not tar everyone with the same brush, and if you do why then still look for the person you think will abuse your saving and your life , but then again it takes all sorts to make the world go round

No one's tarring anyone with the same brush Steve. The author isn't, neither am I.

All what is being pointed out is what can and does happen. There's no data on this but one would hope, happens very rarely.

The filipino dating sites don't give a favourable indication. There's a lot of chaff the work through to get to a diamond.

If I thought they were all the same I'm sure I wouldn't be stupid enough to go looking for some more of the same action.

Good response Jen Makes a change from the unintelligible hysterical variety . I can't say I totally agree. Anyway it's worth a rep :-)

[malditako]

why?...its b'coz they are bitter and they want revenge that's all.

[gWaPito]

When it comes to sending money to her family in the province, what's wrong with that? That's her family, and you must be aware how filipino families are close to each other, one must learn more about filipino family cultures then.
.

We have culture too Jen. There's nothing wrong in sending money back home as so long as it's not detrimental to your immediate family.

A lot of us guys have been married before to British.

Things like money are treated much differently. The average UK wage is apparently 23k per year. Still not much to provide a good standard of living so what normally happens is that the wages of both husband and wife are pooled. ..thus enabling to buy nice cars houses and holidays, generally enabling one's self up the social ladder.

I know from a previous life being with my first wife of 27 years, if she wasn't prepared to get stuck in as well we'd probably still be in the 2 up 2 down council house, taking a one and only annual holiday in a caravan in Bournemouth. We'd probably still be married as well

Luckily she was a worker for the team, her immediate family. We did very well. It takes 2 to tango. ..in this case it takes 2 to make a comfortable life in the UK if you're on low incomes

This was not my problem wd my filipina wife as my current earnings are over double the UK average, it was something quite different.

I'm just pointing out we have a culture too. Adaption is required from both sides.

Folks rant on here about the Muslims and our new brothers, the Eastern Europeans conforming to our way of life. ..what's the difference.

[cheekee]

I do have to say that when I was on Filipino dating sites I did meet a lot of scammers.

I don't believe its just a Filipino problem though. I'm sure there are scammers across many dating sites globally.

I did almost lose hope and then I met Sheina. I was really careful at first and took on lots of advice here about testing the waters.

I'm glad in a way I did meet those scammers. Because it taught me a lot about how to date online.

It opened my eyes to what could happen and made me very cautious.

Now I am a very happy guy engaged to a wonderful Filipino.

[stevewool]

The culture thing will never be sorted out properly you just have to try and sort it out between yourselves and only then if you are both happy with what you are trying to do it will work,
Its hard no matter where you live to help support another family somewhere else, just my thoughts

[grahamw48]

I agree Steve.
Cultural differences are also the biggest contributing factor to the breakup of FilBrit relationships IMO, and not to be taken lightly.

[bigmac]

my fiancee has spent several years in the UK--is well used to life here--and loves it. she has relatives and friends here. she wants to settle here--and bring her kids over. i'm the means to an end. simples.

[stevewool]

my Ems loves being here too, the weather she likes and cannot wait for the snow to come again,
It is me who wants to retire to the phills sooner then later, as Ems says where you go i go,