I Find It Hard To Forget Or Forgive

[joroco]

In some ways my own story is similar. Met girlfriend on internet, visited a few weeks later, saw how poor her family were, offered financial assistance. Then, after I returned my gf (now wife) asked for 100,000 pesos so papa could buy a multi-cab, and told me it costs 150,000. So I did, but he has been able to work ever since. He later told me he paid 90,000 for it!!
Likewise, bought a house, and have been paying the bills ever since, about 3,000 a month, plus another 7,000 to live on. But that is only the theory because every month there has been a problem, the cost of rice has doubled, the cost of fuel has risen by 40%, and so and so on.
I dare say many other foreigners have similar stories. It's not cheap, but the best advice is to avoid girls who continually ask for money right from the start of a relationship. I blocked half a dozen of them on the internet before I met Cristina. Most of us are willing to spend money not just on our partner, but the family too. But we all have different financial circumstances, and the family has to understand that. Too many filipinos see the West as a pot of honey where we are all rich, like the people they see in movies etc. Many fail to appreciate the cost of living in the UK. For example, many rent plots for a few hundred pesos a month and build their own house, while here, my mortgage is over 100,000 pesos a month.

I think as long as you let them know where you stand they will listen and understand.

By the way, I almost forgot to mention, Cristina has her visa at last!! She got a call from the embassy and sent her passport there two weeks ago. They were going to send it back by courier, but last time that happened (with the visa refusal), it took so long it made us late for her appeal. So she flew this week to Manila to collect it along with her CFO stamp (UK acclimatisation course). And she will be here on the 22nd August. So we're both happy as larry right now!

[IainBusby]

In some ways my own story is similar. Met girlfriend on internet, visited a few weeks later, saw how poor her family were, offered financial assistance. Then, after I returned my gf (now wife) asked for 100,000 pesos so papa could buy a multi-cab, and told me it costs 150,000. So I did, but he has been able to work ever since. He later told me he paid 90,000 for it!!
Likewise, bought a house, and have been paying the bills ever since, about 3,000 a month, plus another 7,000 to live on. But that is only the theory because every month there has been a problem, the cost of rice has doubled, the cost of fuel has risen by 40%, and so and so on.
I dare say many other foreigners have similar stories. It's not cheap, but the best advice is to avoid girls who continually ask for money right from the start of a relationship. I blocked half a dozen of them on the internet before I met Cristina. Most of us are willing to spend money not just on our partner, but the family too. But we all have different financial circumstances, and the family has to understand that. Too many filipinos see the West as a pot of honey where we are all rich, like the people they see in movies etc. Many fail to appreciate the cost of living in the UK. For example, many rent plots for a few hundred pesos a month and build their own house, while here, my mortgage is over 100,000 pesos a month.

I think as long as you let them know where you stand they will listen and understand.

By the way, I almost forgot to mention, Cristina has her visa at last!! She got a call from the embassy and sent her passport there two weeks ago. They were going to send it back by courier, but last time that happened (with the visa refusal), it took so long it made us late for her appeal. So she flew this week to Manila to collect it along with her CFO stamp (UK acclimatisation course). And she will be here on the 22nd August. So we're both happy as larry right now!

Congratulations,
Louella & Iain.

[Ady]

Sorry to hear about your experiences. Always worth googling their ids and email addresses, and even names.

For me, I did that. I met Shei playing dominoes in Yahoo (so not a dating site). I found she played a lot with one guy, just at the time we were starting to get serious. To cut a long story short - she terminated her "friendship" with that guy. I know that, because I spoke to the guy using another id (pretending to be Thai - seems he has a love of Asian girls, even schoolgirls). We were not yet bf and gf at that time. Shei also works in an internet cafe (so I was always a bit suspicious about her time spent, seeing as we chat only 1-2 hours a day).

Using her name, I found out quite a lot in google. About her exams passed for one. I also found out she had a Filipina Friend Finder account. In a fit of rage, I cracked her password (naughty naughty, but using a birthdate as a password is not very secure). Also I did that in ICQ. I should not do it - but she lied to me once, and it was definately worth the check.

[nomorericepleas]

Sorry to hear about your experiences. Always worth googling their ids and email addresses, and even names.

For me, I did that. I met Shei playing dominoes in Yahoo (so not a dating site). I found she played a lot with one guy, just at the time we were starting to get serious. To cut a long story short - she terminated her "friendship" with that guy. I know that, because I spoke to the guy using another id (pretending to be Thai - seems he has a love of Asian girls, even schoolgirls). We were not yet bf and gf at that time. Shei also works in an internet cafe (so I was always a bit suspicious about her time spent, seeing as we chat only 1-2 hours a day).

Using her name, I found out quite a lot in google. About her exams passed for one. I also found out she had a Filipina Friend Finder account. In a fit of rage, I cracked her password (naughty naughty, but using a birthdate as a password is not very secure). Also I did that in ICQ. I should not do it - but she lied to me once, and it was definately worth the check.

Interesting ideas. i tried to crack her password but she's obviously too crafty to use anything as simple as birthdays and family names. would have been very enlightening to speak to her japanese lover though. Just to know if he even knew i existed. I doubt it. I think she was getting money out of both of us, and getting a lot more from us both by the look of it too.

[kimmi]

In some ways my own story is similar. Met girlfriend on internet, visited a few weeks later, saw how poor her family were, offered financial assistance. Then, after I returned my gf (now wife) asked for 100,000 pesos so papa could buy a multi-cab, and told me it costs 150,000. So I did, but he has been able to work ever since. He later told me he paid 90,000 for it!!
Likewise, bought a house, and have been paying the bills ever since, about 3,000 a month, plus another 7,000 to live on. But that is only the theory because every month there has been a problem, the cost of rice has doubled, the cost of fuel has risen by 40%, and so and so on.
I dare say many other foreigners have similar stories. It's not cheap, but the best advice is to avoid girls who continually ask for money right from the start of a relationship. I blocked half a dozen of them on the internet before I met Cristina. Most of us are willing to spend money not just on our partner, but the family too. But we all have different financial circumstances, and the family has to understand that. Too many filipinos see the West as a pot of honey where we are all rich, like the people they see in movies etc. Many fail to appreciate the cost of living in the UK. For example, many rent plots for a few hundred pesos a month and build their own house, while here, my mortgage is over 100,000 pesos a month.

I think as long as you let them know where you stand they will listen and understand.

By the way, I almost forgot to mention, Cristina has her visa at last!! She got a call from the embassy and sent her passport there two weeks ago. They were going to send it back by courier, but last time that happened (with the visa refusal), it took so long it made us late for her appeal. So she flew this week to Manila to collect it along with her CFO stamp (UK acclimatisation course). And she will be here on the 22nd August. So we're both happy as larry right now!

Congratulations..Another success visa story here..

[Mrs Daddy]

In some ways my own story is similar. Met girlfriend on internet, visited a few weeks later, saw how poor her family were, offered financial assistance. Then, after I returned my gf (now wife) asked for 100,000 pesos so papa could buy a multi-cab, and told me it costs 150,000. So I did, but he has been able to work ever since. He later told me he paid 90,000 for it!!
Likewise, bought a house, and have been paying the bills ever since, about 3,000 a month, plus another 7,000 to live on. But that is only the theory because every month there has been a problem, the cost of rice has doubled, the cost of fuel has risen by 40%, and so and so on.
I dare say many other foreigners have similar stories. It's not cheap, but the best advice is to avoid girls who continually ask for money right from the start of a relationship. I blocked half a dozen of them on the internet before I met Cristina. Most of us are willing to spend money not just on our partner, but the family too. But we all have different financial circumstances, and the family has to understand that. Too many filipinos see the West as a pot of honey where we are all rich, like the people they see in movies etc. Many fail to appreciate the cost of living in the UK. For example, many rent plots for a few hundred pesos a month and build their own house, while here, my mortgage is over 100,000 pesos a month.

I think as long as you let them know where you stand they will listen and understand.

By the way, I almost forgot to mention, Cristina has her visa at last!! She got a call from the embassy and sent her passport there two weeks ago. They were going to send it back by courier, but last time that happened (with the visa refusal), it took so long it made us late for her appeal. So she flew this week to Manila to collect it along with her CFO stamp (UK acclimatisation course). And she will be here on the 22nd August. So we're both happy as larry right now!

A big Cograts for the Happy couple from Mr and Mrs. Daddy

[benb]

In some ways my own story is similar. Met girlfriend on internet, visited a few weeks later, saw how poor her family were, offered financial assistance. Then, after I returned my gf (now wife) asked for 100,000 pesos so papa could buy a multi-cab, and told me it costs 150,000. So I did, but he has been able to work ever since. He later told me he paid 90,000 for it!!

You got married to the girl who lied about the 150k? Did I get it wrong?
why?

[keithAngel]

You got married to the girl who lied about the 150k? Did I get it wrong?
why?

Perhaps in appreciation of her excellent negotiating skills , the lady saved $60,000 an admirable quality in a spouse

[joroco]

Perhaps in appreciation of her excellent negotiating skills , the lady saved $60,000 an admirable quality in a spouse

I think you're right Keith. She's negotiated a lot more than another 60k since!!

[Tonet]

I dont think its fair to just say that if a woman ask money even before you've met she's up to something. or it a NO NO to send your gf money if you havent met in person yet.

The first time Philip sent me money, he wasn't even my bf yet, and he was supporting me for 1 year before we met in person. Actually if he didnt support me we wont be together because i had to leave my job so we could chat. because if im working in a mall,at 8am, (2am UK) i'll go to work. 8pm i'm home. (1pm UK) He will be working by that time. i would be in bed at maybe 10 pm and he would still be working as its only 3 pm here in UK. he's not off if i'm off coz no off for sales lady during weekends as its busy!!

So sending money is not the only basis for the successful relationship. You open your mind and your eyes, use your brain, trust your instinct. If you feel there'e something wrong dont ignore it. asking for help to survive is different from taking advantage of your money.

I have asked Philip money before but i never took advantage of him by asking to providing any property transportation or anything. just enough for our survival is what i asked.

Now we're happily married and he stopped sending coz its now back to my responsibility.

[maria_and_matt]

maybe its just me but i would never dream of taking any money from a bf, and when i married phil i was very shy to ask for anything.... i think that he noticed that and just started giving me my 'monthly allowance', and offered to help my father who was seriously ill at that time.

but now 9 years on things seem to have changed, i am now more comfortable with him and asking for money to go shopping isnt a big thing anymore.... i think now my husband thinks i am his worse nightmare

[joroco]

You got married to the girl who lied about the 150k? Did I get it wrong?
why?

Because I only found out just after I married her, but who cares? papa was raising a family of 12 on a small pension before then, and now he is out of retirement and able to provide for his family. And that alone relieves me of some of the burden. So it was money well spent.

[benb]

Because I only found out just after I married her, but who cares? papa was raising a family of 12 on a small pension before then, and now he is out of retirement and able to provide for his family. And that alone relieves me of some of the burden. So it was money well spent.

Good to hear that it turned out well. If the siblings are old enough and living with the parents, then they should also be working to contribute to the family.

I'm not been harsh, But please do be careful. I assume that you have already talked about this with your wife and have come to an agreement that it won't happen again.

Best Wishes,