how long?

[the_ONE]

Hello, I am sure this has been discussed much before, but I'm wondering what people's opinions are on how long you think you should be chatting with someone before making a commitment to visit them in person.

Just to give some details, I have been chatting with a lady for around 9 months now which sounds like a lot of time. My issue is that we only really get to chat properly once a week for half to one hour at best due to work, time differences, and the fact she only has a dial up connection and is not the one paying the bills. She is also not working at present. I feel like even now we are still learning about each other and still getting to know each other like many people would be in the first few months.

Despite this, I realise I should not wait forever and I would love to go meet her. If money were no problem then I would go tomorrow. The reality is I feel it is appropriate to develop a certain level of knowledge about each other and commitment before travelling around the world to meet someone. Also, I am not of the older generation and I am not desperate to meet someone or get married, I would generally err on the side of taking things steady and hopefully doing as much as possible to avoid any potential mistakes.

My question is not just how long to chat to someone as that can depend on how often you spend online etc, but what sort of connection did you develop before deciding to meet? What was it that told you it was the right time? I think in the next few months I will make some commitment, even if it is a nunber of months after that before i can actually travel there.

Sorry about the longish post but I would be interested in knowing anyone's opinions. Thanks.

[amyburple]

Base on our experience with my hubby... On the month that we met online, we had a mutual feelings that we like each other so on the same month we started our relationship . We chat everyday because of my work... And even weekends I went to cafe just to talk to him because I guess communication is very vital in this kind of relationship.... When I got my own pad I had my own internet connection which is helped a lot coz 24/7 we talked with my hubby...

Ummmm well I guess it depends on your situation between you the girl your talking too online....Because most couple here they have the special relationship before they meet in person. Me and my hubby met in person after a year that we had relationship.

I have a questions do you have special relationship with that GIRL? Because you never mentioned it?

[amyburple]

Welcome To The Forum Anyway.....

[PeterB]

I'm sure that the 'right time' is different in every relationship.

You're lucky that your chatmate has a home and telephone line. Ruby was living in a boarding house and using the Internet cafes to chat. However, this didn't limit us ... we chatted for five hours on our very first day. We knew, very soon, that we had something worth pursuing, and within three weeks of our first chat I had booked my flights. In less than nine months I had sold up everything in the UK and moved to Philippines.

[trina]

Hiya!!! Welcome to the forum

Base on our experience my husband and I Chatted for almost 8 months and then we got married then...sounds funny and crazy...but that how it was...we spent 6 hours on the computer every night after work we used to managed that because we really wanted to know each other...and now we are very happy together here in UK.. and just started all our plans for the future... for me it is not how long you've been together for you to know he/she is the right person for you...YOU WILL JUST FEEL IT!!!

I hope soon you will find answers to all your questions

cheers,

[Sim11UK]

I think you just know when the time is right...For me, it was 8 months before I travelled to the Philippines. This was only because she started a caregiver course, soon after we met. I knew much sooner, that I wanted to go.
Like PeterB, my fiancee still lives in a boarding house & relies on using cafes. We talk a lot more on the phone now too.
Ultimately, it's down to you, how you feel... On the other hand, you don't just want to go on & on, investing time & money, only to find you don't click when you do meet.
...Maybe she will be thinking, why hasn't he come to see me yet?

Good luck!

[Ann07]

Really depends on how you feel for each other. You have your own timing

My husband went to visit me after 5 months of chatting, talking and texting everyday And 13 months after since we knew each other im in the uk

Goodluck to you both

[Ana_may365]

hiya!welcome to the forum
just asking if 'what do u feel for her ?['every time when u chatting to each other?]
coz what i know u didnt waste ur time to her if u have no special feelings for her.

[the_ONE]

ok thanks for the input so far. It seems like many people have had fairly intense online relationships here. If you think about it, if you are chatting every day you can get to know each other seven times quicker than chatting only once a week say. How would any guys feel about travelling to meet someone they were chatting to every day, but only for say four or five weeks. That's kind of like how I feel right now even though I feel we have developed a good connection, I know I think about her a lot. Of course I recognise there has to be a compromise of sorts, it is not my intention to string her along indefinately at all, far from it, in fact hopefully we can make plans soon. But I just wondered if there were any folks like me at all here. But then maybe I'm one of a kind

[andypaul]

ok thanks for the input so far. It seems like many people have had fairly intense online relationships here. If you think about it, if you are chatting every day you can get to know each other seven times quicker than chatting only once a week say. How would any guys feel about travelling to meet someone they were chatting to every day, but only for say four or five weeks. That's kind of like how I feel right now even though I feel we have developed a good connection, I know I think about her a lot. Of course I recognise there has to be a compromise of sorts, it is not my intention to string her along indefinately at all, far from it, in fact hopefully we can make plans soon. But I just wondered if there were any folks like me at all here. But then maybe I'm one of a kind

Welcome to the Site.

There are from memory examples of those who chatted less frequently do you make up with it with Emails during the week?

People have also been out to see one another after such a short time. From what i recall on here.

A well written email can reveal a lot about a person and much can be shared. This is mainly imo due to the care and thought put in to an Email.

Good luck with your relationship and I hope you enjoy your stay with us all on the forum

[keithAngel]

You have to know what you feel but as you say your in no hurry so why worry
what I can tell you is over here any solo visit to the shops is

likely

to get you questioned by

multiple

pretty ladies as to your availability I have to stay home it so dangerous out there

[Plonker]

Hey welcome. For us we met in February online this year and within 2 weeks we decided to meet each other, but we were chatting everyday and she was in Japan at the time, but due to work I couldn't get out there until 3 months later to propose to her. Well actually she proposed to me first online after we had an arguement.

Be careful though, cause when we were chatting everyday we would also argue lots too, over various things. And the day before I was due to fly out to Tokyo we had a massive arguement and feel out with each other. I thought about not going and jacking it in. But I couldn't get a refund on my ticket doh! so we agreed for me not to propose to her and to spend some time with each other. But we ended up engaged lol oh the irony of things heh!

But at first I didn't trust her, cause you hear so many scammers and at one point I thought I was being scammed. because of the amount of arguements we had. I thought she was getting anxious because I was just too careful.

Now looking back I'm glad we had all them arguements because we now understand each other more and respect what we believe in. We rarely argue now especially now that we're married.

Try phoning her, talking to her, its daunting at first cause you have to speak really slowly, well I did any way. Make your self feal comfortable with her first before visiting her. It also depends on what type of person you are. My attitude is if your gonna do it, do it.

I presume your about my age, I turned 30 last month and got married 3 days after my birthday. I know what you mean not being in a hurry. But once the ball starts rolling, its like your in a fantasy world. And jetting off to the otherside of the world is awesome. Make sure you sign up with some company that gives you air miles back. Thats my regret. I flew to Japan, then paid for my wifes ticket from Japan to Phippines, then I flew to Philippines to marry her all in the space of 10 months. I could of had a free trip to Jamaica by now.

Philippines is an interesting place and the first thing that sprung to my mind when my girl picked me up at the airport was, I'm gonna get mugged. Well to be honest its no different than your car being nicked in Liverpool or getting mugged in Manchester or being conned in London. But one thing that does strike me is the families that literally live on the busy roads and kids following you and knocking on your taxi window. And the armed guards at every shop in the street not to mention the dodgy taxi's. On the plus side theres nice hot weather, very cheap food, drink and clothes.

For me it just felt right when we first sent a smile to each other. I could've met another girl here in the UK but wheres the fun in that. I decided to choose a different path this time.

Anyway good luck to you and your girl.

[Plonker]

Hey welcome. For us we met in February online this year and within 2 weeks we decided to meet each other, but we were chatting everyday and she was in Japan at the time, but due to work I couldn't get out there until 3 months later to propose to her. Well actually she proposed to me first online after we had an arguement.

Be careful though, cause when we were chatting everyday we would also argue lots too, over various things. And the day before I was due to fly out to Tokyo we had a massive arguement and feel out with each other. I thought about not going and jacking it in. But I couldn't get a refund on my ticket doh! so we agreed for me not to propose to her and to spend some time with each other. But we ended up engaged lol oh the irony of things heh!

But at first I didn't trust her, cause you hear so many scammers and at one point I thought I was being scammed. because of the amount of arguements we had. I thought she was getting anxious because I was just too careful.

Now looking back I'm glad we had all them arguements because we now understand each other more and respect what we believe in. We rarely argue now especially now that we're married.

Try phoning her, talking to her, its daunting at first cause you have to speak really slowly, well I did any way. Make your self feal comfortable with her first before visiting her. It also depends on what type of person you are. My attitude is if your gonna do it, do it.

I presume your about my age, I turned 30 last month and got married 3 days after my birthday. I know what you mean not being in a hurry. But once the ball starts rolling, its like your in a fantasy world. And jetting off to the otherside of the world is awesome. Make sure you sign up with some company that gives you air miles back. Thats my regret. I flew to Japan, then paid for my wifes ticket from Japan to Phippines, then I flew to Philippines to marry her all in the space of 10 months. I could of had a free trip to Jamaica by now.

Philippines is an interesting place and the first thing that sprung to my mind when my girl picked me up at the airport was, I'm gonna get mugged. Well to be honest its no different than your car being nicked in Liverpool or getting mugged in Manchester or being conned in London. But one thing that does strike me is the families that literally live on the busy roads and kids following you and knocking on your taxi window. And the armed guards at every shop in the street not to mention the dodgy taxi's. On the plus side theres nice hot weather, very cheap food, drink and clothes.

For me it just felt right when we first sent a smile to each other. I could've met another girl here in the UK but wheres the fun in that. I decided to choose a different path this time.

Anyway good luck to you and your girl.

[KeithD]

.......I'm wondering what people's opinions are on how long you think you should be chatting with someone before making a commitment to visit them in person......

Depends how long you can go without sleep?

[vbkelly]

Hello, I am sure this has been discussed much before, but I'm wondering what people's opinions are on how long you think you should be chatting with someone before making a commitment to visit them in person.

Just to give some details, I have been chatting with a lady for around 9 months now which sounds like a lot of time. My issue is that we only really get to chat properly once a week for half to one hour at best due to work, time differences, and the fact she only has a dial up connection and is not the one paying the bills. She is also not working at present. I feel like even now we are still learning about each other and still getting to know each other like many people would be in the first few months.

Despite this, I realise I should not wait forever and I would love to go meet her. If money were no problem then I would go tomorrow. The reality is I feel it is appropriate to develop a certain level of knowledge about each other and commitment before travelling around the world to meet someone. Also, I am not of the older generation and I am not desperate to meet someone or get married, I would generally err on the side of taking things steady and hopefully doing as much as possible to avoid any potential mistakes.

My question is not just how long to chat to someone as that can depend on how often you spend online etc, but what sort of connection did you develop before deciding to meet? What was it that told you it was the right time? I think in the next few months I will make some commitment, even if it is a nunber of months after that before i can actually travel there.

Sorry about the longish post but I would be interested in knowing anyone's opinions. Thanks.

me and hubby never went this chatting online we meet by texted it was by accident when i texted my cousin in LUTON but we fell in love and we both knows each other so we meet in person after 5 months, its depend how you feel to each other, anyway goodluck to both of you we're waiting the good news from you guys.

[cheesewiz]

I have no idea bout online relationship or I am not into that kind of thing. But since most of the people here met online and a living proof that it will work that's something you have to be open minded. Relationship is like a gamble even you know the person for many years then get married they always find something that they don't like with each other...you don't need to commit, just go there visit her and start from there. good luck to both of you