How to deal nicely with a poor Filipina

[Arthur Little]

Having just this minute responded to someone who I DO believe IS being "taken for the proverbial ride" ... MY gut instinct would be to sever the connection completely.

However, laying aside my [increasingly] "suspicious" thoughts for a moment, I think it's best if you could somehow tactfully broach the subject of your true financial situation in your next communication. In other words, be totally up-front with the girl at this early stage of your online relationship. Put your cards on the table as soon as possible ... so that she's left in no doubt as to where you both stand moneywise. Should her reply express disappointment that you could even consider her to be a scammer, all you need do is reassure her that you'd been simply erring on the side of caution ... having heard of so many cases where "sob stories" have been used to dupe western guys into parting with their hard-earned cash. If her motives ARE, indeed, genuine, then I feel she will accept your explanation.

It's also worth bearing in mind that a girl who is nurtured in accordance with true Filipino family values will NEVER ask for ... nor even drop hints about ... money (especially from someone she's never met!) ... because her inherent sense of moral decency (and, not least, pride) will prevent her from doing so!

[IanB]

It's also worth bearing in mind that a girl who is nurtured in accordance with true Filipino family values will NEVER ask for ... nor even drop hints about ... money (especially from someone she's never met!) ... because her inherent sense of moral decency (and, not least, pride) will prevent her from doing so!

Arthur, I find these concepts hard to understand in a country where so many people are starving and suffer from lack of health care. I think there are two sets of moral values in the Philippines, one for the rich and one for the poor.

I admit that my experience is meagre in the Philippines, but I have seen nothing that encourages me to think otherwise. Crime is truly outrageous. Government officials treat poor people like ****. doctors and lawyers lie and sell quack medication - or kick sick people onto the streets. Prostitution and rape are common, but asking for a divorce from a man who left you for another woman is considered morally wrong.

Ask for a divorce? You are a bad woman! Ask for money? How immoral! Get sick? A potential scam!

I do not want to offend the many Filipinos out there, because very one I have met has been lovely, decent, and honest. But lets not be blind to the bad things in society over there, and lets NOT impose middle class values on poor people.

[Steve.r]

Arthur, I find these concepts hard to understand in a country where so many people are starving and suffer from lack of health care. I think there are two sets of moral values in the Philippines, one for the rich and one for the poor.

I admit that my experience is meagre in the Philippines, but I have seen nothing that encourages me to think otherwise. Crime is truly outrageous. Government officials treat poor people like ****. doctors and lawyers lie and sell quack medication - or kick sick people onto the streets. Prostitution and rape are common, but asking for a divorce from a man who left you for another woman is considered morally wrong.

Ask for a divorce? You are a bad woman! Ask for money? How immoral! Get sick? A potential scam!

I do not want to offend the many Filipinos out there, because very one I have met has been lovely, decent, and honest. But lets not be blind to the bad things in society over there, and lets NOT impose middle class values on poor people.

Ian,

Not wanting to upset you no no no!!! But your argument on what Arthur has said does not really fit in here. Ok, I also do not have a vast experience, but will tell you of my situation. I am not married to my Mahal yet, we are still courting long distance as many are and do here. My Mahal is exactly as Arthur has described, she has high family and moral values. She works away from her family i n Singapore to support them and works extremely hard for the small money she gets. So many times I have offered to help her, but she will say no, and wants to work out her problems herself. It gives her a greater feeling of achievement and self worth. I think many philippinas are like this.

We hear so much about the scammers and people who want to rip off the so called 'rich westerner' but are these just the few bad apples? We only (generally) hear of the bad statistics... and sh*t sticks.
Are there not just as many scammers here in the Uk?

In this situation above, extreme care must be advised. If you can afford to loose the money she is asking for, take a gamble.....BUT.....laying your cards on the table right off the bat might clear up any misunderstandings that might come up in the future if you stay with her.

Just my thoughts, no offence intended

Steve

[Doc Alan]

Ian,



We hear so much about the scammers and people who want to rip off the so called 'rich westerner' but are these just the few bad apples? We only (generally) hear of the bad statistics... and sh*t sticks.
Are there not just as many scammers here in the Uk?



Steve

I think you're right Steve. The methods for scammers / fraudsters in the UK may be different (tax evasion, benefit, NHS , mortgage, insurance fraud, identity theft) but it cost £30 billion last year ...that's over £600 for every adult in the country

[Florge]

Arthur, I find these concepts hard to understand in a country where so many people are starving and suffer from lack of health care. I think there are two sets of moral values in the Philippines, one for the rich and one for the poor.

I admit that my experience is meagre in the Philippines, but I have seen nothing that encourages me to think otherwise. Crime is truly outrageous. Government officials treat poor people like ****. doctors and lawyers lie and sell quack medication - or kick sick people onto the streets. Prostitution and rape are common, but asking for a divorce from a man who left you for another woman is considered morally wrong.

Ask for a divorce? You are a bad woman! Ask for money? How immoral! Get sick? A potential scam!

I do not want to offend the many Filipinos out there, because very one I have met has been lovely, decent, and honest. But lets not be blind to the bad things in society over there, and lets NOT impose middle class values on poor people.

I am sorry, but I would have to agree with Arthur... poor people in the Philippines are far more decent than most kids here. If and when they scam people out for money, it is because they need to eat... if and when they sell their bodies, it is because they have to survive.. people here scam for money because they need to buy weed, booze and ciggies... Sadly, most people in the phils who scam for money for drugs are not the poor people but mostly the rich and the middle class...

[Pete67]

It's also worth bearing in mind that a girl who is nurtured in accordance with true Filipino family values will NEVER ask for ... nor even drop hints about ... money (especially from someone she's never met!) ... because her inherent sense of moral decency (and, not least, pride) will prevent her from doing so!

Thanks for that Arthur, really clarifies my situation for me...

[aryM]

It's also worth bearing in mind that a girl who is nurtured in accordance with true Filipino family values will NEVER ask for ... nor even drop hints about ... money (especially from someone she's never met!) ... because her inherent sense of moral decency (and, not least, pride) will prevent her from doing so!

I agree to that Sir Arthur...! You are really right.

[Philip]

It's also worth bearing in mind that a girl who is nurtured in accordance with true Filipino family values will NEVER ask for ... nor even drop hints about ... money (especially from someone she's never met!) ... because her inherent sense of moral decency (and, not least, pride) will prevent her from doing so!

In an ideal world this would be the case, but life ain't like that eh!?

........................................................................................................................................

*** A lil post in defense of the genuinely poor pinoys! ***



People are individuals and some people find themselves in situations where money is an ongoing problem.

It's a simple fact that in some cases you're going to have to help them out due to circumstances out of their control. This help may be needed from the very start, or later on, but just because this person is maybe hinting does not make them a scammer.

I helped my future wife out before we even became sweety's heh, she was very poor, but here we are 6 years later happy and together. She's the one helping me now hah, cos now I'm poor cos of sends, pasalubong, visits and visas!

My point is, just because someone hints or outright asks for help does not make them a lesser person, or automatically make them a scammer. They may just actually need some help.

In situations like this you need to trust your instincts and keep an eye out for anything suspicious, as there are obviously a lot of scammers out there, just as there are a lot of genuine people who haven't had that much luck in life.

[Englishman2010]

In an ideal world this would be the case, but life ain't like that eh!?

........................................................................................................................................

*** A lil post in defense of the genuinely poor pinoys! ***



People are individuals and some people find themselves in situations where money is an ongoing problem.

It's a simple fact that in some cases you're going to have to help them out due to circumstances out of their control. This help may be needed from the very start, or later on, but just because this person is maybe hinting does not make them a scammer.

I helped my future wife out before we even became sweety's heh, she was very poor, but here we are 6 years later happy and together. She's the one helping me now hah, cos now I'm poor cos of sends, pasalubong, visits and visas!

My point is, just because someone hints or outright asks for help does not make them a lesser person, or automatically make them a scammer. They may just actually need some help.

In situations like this you need to trust your instincts and keep an eye out for anything suspicious, as there are obviously a lot of scammers out there, just as there are a lot of genuine people who haven't had that much luck in life.

+1

I'm sure most of us western men have had hints dropped and been asked outright. My g/f is poor and doesnt have a job at the moment, she knows that my finances are under scrutiny due to my ongoing divorce so she rarely asks, but when she does, she knows I will give her an interrogation about why she needs it and I'm sure she realises I'm checking to see if she is genuine. Sometimes I will help and other times I wont and sometimes I will help when she's not even asking.

Before I went to the Phil's I was a lot more suspicious of why money was needed because I thought everything would be cheap over there, and of course I was warned to be on my guard for potential scams. Some things are not as cheap as you think they would be, and some items which we take for granted, like toothpaste, shampoo..etc are no cheaper. A little bit of money to me, is a lot of money to her and as long as I'm not treated like an ATM I don't mind helping out within reason.

However, I met my girlfriend in Singapore and not on a dating site. We spent about a week together there, so I already knew a great deal about her when our relationship started. I would probably be a lot more cautious if I had never actually met the girl and had struck up an online friendship.

[Arthur Little]

I would probably be a lot more cautious if I had never actually met the girl ...

... as any SENSIBLE person WOULD be!

... and had struck up an online friendship ...

... when, IMO, it would be to acquiese to such requests, by immediately dipping into one's wallet ... without REALLY knowing anything about the person asking.

[Philip]

IMO, it would be to acquiese to such requests, by immediately dipping into one's wallet ... without REALLY knowing anything about the person asking.

I did just that and it turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life because helping my newly found online friend eventually led to true love. Had I not helped, it probably wouldn't have developed in to what it did because she simply would not have been able to afford to be online much, if at all.

Be cautious, but don't let that caution close the door on something potentially great.

[Arthur Little]

I did just that and it turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life because helping my newly found online friend eventually led to true love. Had I not helped, it probably wouldn't have developed in to what it did because she simply would not have been able to afford to be online much, if at all.

Be cautious, but don't let that caution close the door on something potentially great.

Undoubtedly there ARE occasions when things turn out happily ... as you've just proved; nevertheless, I still adhere to the basic principle that people ought ALWAYS to be on their guard whenever they're asked for money by someone whom they've never met. I mean, it's sheer commonsense, after all!

[JonHig]

It is all a bit of a lottery really. Early on when i had been over here for just a few weeks, i lent 100000pesos to school well known to my wife. She had sent her two children by here first marriage there. They needed funds to be able to refurbish the place which needed. Cutting a very long story short, i have only recently got my money back, fighting every inch of the way for two years. They agreed in a legal document to pay back with interest within 6 months.

You have no idea what excuses they came up with along the way. A right bunch of liars they were too! It is an 'Holistic' school - what morals and qualities must they be injecting into their pupils with their hypocritical teaching?

Beware

[Kju&2]

It's also worth bearing in mind that a girl who is nurtured in accordance with true Filipino family values will NEVER ask for ... nor even drop hints about ... money (especially from someone she's never met!) ... because her inherent sense of moral decency (and, not least, pride) will prevent her from doing so!

I totally agree. "If there's a will there's a way". If she absolutely likes you for who you are, not for however much you can help her financially - she will find a way to get in touch. Hinting financial problems at such an early stage in a relationship is a complete no no to people who has morals regardless of race. We were also struggling financially when we were still in the Philippines but I would not even dare talk about our financial issues to my filipino suitors who were trying to court me at the time in order to get some financial help. Normal people would talk about their financial problems and worries to their family, close friends, or maybe their boss in order to maybe get a much deserved raise but not to people who just happen to like them who are not even in a serious relationship with them yet. That's like meeting someone at a train station and after a few days of flirting and casual chats - them pouring their heart and soul about their financial worries to you and telling you that they can only continue with chatting with you again if you give them a few pounds for their train ticket the next day. I am not saying that all filipinas who talk about their financial worries during the "courting" stage are all opportunists and just after your money but being a filipina, it does make me angry that some women does this to take advantage of some guys and then everyone else including me gets pigeon-holed into scam artists and opportunists because of them.